Issue 174

News: Why I haven't been updating.
As you may have noticed, it's been two weeks since I updated the blog. Well, there are two reasons, and first among them is that I've spent a lot of it studying for my finals, the last of which I had yesterday. However, another thing has been distracting me for the past several weeks: a webcomic called Sonichu, and I'm sorry to say that, after discovering this webcomic, Billy the Heretic no longer deserves the title of the worst webcomic. After all, comprehension of that webcomic isn't dependent upon taking a journey into one autistic manchild's personal hell. If you want to know what the comic is like, there are audiobooks on youtube that help propel the crap into "So Bad it's Good" level, quite possibly making it seem like his work is similar to Daniel Johnston, except without the naive charm. From this, you'd probably notice that it's an astonishingly bad webcomic from its second-grade-art-project level art (the author is almost thirty), and its story. But combining Sonic the Hedgehog and Pikachu in the same way as old Reese's commercials do with Peanut Butter and Chocolate is just the beginning. Slowly, the plot becomes more depressing when it begins to focus on the life of the author himself, who is presented as Sonichu's actual father... somehow. In fact, according to some outside information, some of the villains correspond to a Community College dean who stopped him from stalking women, Walmart cops that did a similar thing, and (I'm not kidding here) his negative feelings about his High School graduation, which didn't recognize his art skills. I know that reading about life from the perspective of somebody with Autism can be interesting, like Mark Haddon's The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time, but our "Hero" is no Christopher Boone. From what I've heard, he's extremely arrogant and unpleasant (surprisingly enough, especially towards others on the Autistic spectrum and the few people who appear to genuinely be fans of his), refuses to get help for his problems, is selfish, extremely bigoted, and the real Chris isn't much different. For that matter, there is a wiki that contains an alarmingly exhaustive amount of information on his life, as gathered by the people who troll him, including a horrifying amount of information about what passes for his sex life. And for some reason, it appears that he has given up on actually working for the Sonichu comic in favor of just becoming the most genuinely horrifying internet phoenomenon.

Film Idea of the Day: After discovering that there is no rule that states that a man can't be part of a nominally all-female beauty contest, he manages to do whatever he can to win, but, in the end, he doesn't. Yes, it is a parody of all those sports movies where sports teams include an unusual player (like a 12-year old boy ot a dog) because there's no rule against it.

Film Review of the Day: Zardoz. Well, the movie begins as a giant stone head falls to earth, proclaims the Penis to be evil, and spits out truckloads of weaponry, and it makes much less sense from there. Well, from what I could gather, a lot of it was about Sean Connery killing the pilot of said stone head (a man with boxer shorts on his head and facial hair obviously drawn on with magic marker). It makes no damn sense, which is why I liked it so much.

Quote of the Day: "On the one hand you've got an absolutely vile person who's a racist, a homophobe and a borderline sociopath among other evils, but let's face it, his opponents aren't really much better than a gaggle of schoolyard bullies. Whoever wins, human decency loses. "
__________TVTropes on the conflict between the author of Sonichu and his trolls.

Link of the Day: I won't give a link to the actual wiki, but I will put a link that gives a little more insight into how far gone this guy is.

Issue 156

News: FREE ROMAN POLANSKI!
Well, yesterday, they finally did it. They finally had Oscar-Winning film director Roman Polanski arrested. In case none of you know what I'm talking about, I'm talking about an incident 30 years ago where he photographed a minor nude, and then had sex with her. After an arrest and plea bargain, he headed for France, where he has been based ever since. The girl has since agreed that the charges should be dropped, but thus far, attempts to overturn the conviction have been unsuccessful, especially in light of Polanski's arrest. Here's what I say: Let it go. The incident was thirty years old, and everybody involved seems to have moved on except for those people who were ultimately responsible for the arrest. Roman has suffered enough: he lived through the Holocaust, with his mother dying in the chambers of Auschwitz, his travel options have been limited for the last few decades as a result of living in fear, and now this. And as many of his acquaintances have said, it's not like he's going to do it again; and, as I see it, he probably wouldn't have done it once if he had been truly aware of the fact that minority ends much later here than it does in Europe. Hell, if California can let a footballer and mediocre actor get away with murder, or can let Hmong gangs get away with a more heinous variation on a very similar theme on the basis of culture [to wit, like Borat/Pam, but less funny], why not let a man who has just happened to be one of the big cinematic minds of the last century free? Incidentally, it appears that the foreign ministers of Poland and France (two countries that count Roman as a citizen) are doing everything in their power to grant Roman clemency, and the minister of Poland is considering petitioning Barack Obama himself for clemency. Well, if Obama is reading this, and I freely admit that the possibility is very slight, I must admit that I have been underwhelmed by his performance, doing comparatively little to undo the damages of Bush, as many want him to do,(admitting that he is, of course, not doing everything in his power to be like Bush, like McCain would likely have done), and if he really wants my support, even if he fails to do anything better, like get universal health care, undo the Patriot Act, actually get us out of Iraq (he has a timeline, but it remains to be seen whether he'll stick to it), or anything like this, he should at least set Roman free. In fact, I feel so strongly about this, I swear that if Roman's arrest has any effect on the release of his film project "The Ghost," I will vote third party in 2012, no matter if it means that Dick Cheney will sit in the White House.

Band Name of the Day: none.

Film Idea of the Day: An increasingly unstable hardboiled crime writer ends up embroiled in a bizarre plot, while writing a novel with a bizarre plot of its own (with twin clones of Hitler).

Review of the Day: Well, since I've found no new films truly worth the time it takes to review them in the past week, I'm going to review a book I read and loved (at least somewhat) recently; Anton LaVey's Satanic Bible. My thoughts on the book, simply: if you've read and enjoyed Blake's Marriage of Heaven and Hell, Nietzsche's Works, and Ayn Rand's novels, I have to admit that this book, or at least the first two sections/100 pages, are the next logical step. Personally, I think that the addition of "magical rituals" tends to detract somewhat from the book's philosophy, but nevertheless, it is still interesting to read. While much has been said of LaVey's admiration of Nietzsche, and he is alleged to have said that Satanism is, in essence "Ayn Rand with rituals" (three of which are described, and none of which, for the record, involve blood sacrifice), I think it is necessary to note that this work seems to owe a significant debt, possibly second-hand, to William Blake's Marriage of Heaven and Hell. The biggest similarities I've noticed are in the styles, especially apparent in comparison between Blake's Proverbs of Hell and LaVey's Book of Satan. In addition, the admiration of the Bible present in many of Blake's prophetic works is much less present in his Marriage, while the criticism of the institution of the Church is far more emphasized in the same work. By eschewing both, it appears that LaVey is taking the next logical step. In addition, LaVey's association of Lucifer with enlightenment should be seen in comparison with Blake's association of Hell with energy and eternal delight.

Quote of the Day: "And the County Judge/Who Held A Grudge/Will Search forevermore/ For the Band on the Run"
__________Paul McCartney.

Link: None this week.

Issue 110

News: Abstinence Hell.
One thing the Religious Right is trying to push upon students is abstinence-only education. I must note that while I can see why one should teach abstinence, (which is why every possible sex ed program teaches it, even when provided by Planned Parenthood) I do not think it should be used as the centerpiece of any sex ed course. For one thing, Abstinence isn't working for priests mandated to be celibate. With this in mind, what would make people think that it can work for hormonally crazed teenagers who will be forced to wait from puberty (12-14 years) until they marry (at an average age of 26)? One other problem I have with abstinence-only sex ed as opposed to the standard comprehensive projects is that it scares kids with info that, upon doing research, doesn't stand to reason. At my grade school, I was told, by a police officer, no less, that if I ever had sex before marriage that I would soon end up in jail, and, curiously enough, that "Big Bird was a Pervert" for doing a Sesame Street skit with guys playing with dolls and girls playing with trucks. As atypical as these claims may be for abstinence-only educations, these were things I was told about sex. More typical, and often more dangerous, claims include that since Birth Control (except for abstinence) was not 100% foolproof, it should be avoided at all costs, even if some forms can be effective over 90% of the time with regards to pregnancy. This, of course, leads to the fact that when the kids do have sex, they will not be protected, thus likely to lead to what Jamie Lynn Spears is going through at this moment. One more problem I have with the abstinence only sex ed programs, obviously glaringly unconstitutional evangelizing on Uncle Sam's dime notwithstanding, is that they just plain don't work. Virtually every reliable study ever done on the efficacy of the programs has shown that they do not in any way curb the sexuality of teens as they intend.

Band Name of the Day: Brain Tumors for Breakfast. From a quote from the movie Heathers. The actress speaking the line would later die of a brain tumor, ironically enough.

Book Idea of the Day: Chicken Heads for the Redpill Sole. A collection of 101 short stories often very dark and very ironic in their darkness. No Prizes for guessing from whence I got the title.

Film Review of the Day: Heathers. A teenaged girl (Wynona Ryder) is tired of being accepted as one of the popular crowd. When she meets a teenaged "bad boy", played by Christian Dean, she then proceeds to fake their suicides one by one. This must be one of the darkest teen comedies I have ever seen. Why aren't there more movies like this?

Quote of the Day: "Dear Lord, please make sure this never happens to me because I don't think I could handle suicide. Fast, early acceptance into an Ivy League school and please let it be Harvard. Amen. "
______Peter Dawson, Heathers. In another case of Irony, the actor playing the character offed himself soon after making the movie.

Link of the Day: The article which describes a tale (or indeed several) I will appropriate for the aforementioned short story collection.

Issue 97

News: My Views on Marriage
In a previous issue, I mentioned that I am personally opposed to the institution of marriage. In this issue, I will elaborate on the issue. One major flaw I find in marriage is that it is outdated, in that the original purpose of it was that it was merely a transfer of ownership of a young girl from her father to the man who would become her husband, reducing the girl from daughter to wife, and in effect, slave to her husband. Naturally, this is as a rule no longer the case and is simply a superfluous ceremony, full of sound and fury, ultimately signifying nothing,. One other issue I have with marriage is the monogamy which society seems to expect from marriage. All the research I've done indicates that the "one man, one woman forever" lifestyle expected by many advocates of marriage is very rare and unlikely to work for most couples (it can work for some couples, but not for all), and one may even go as far as to call it "unnatural" (which I would not complain about, as virtually every posible type of sexual behavior has been observed in nature except marriage).

Band Name of the Day: Scooter Vacations. From the examples for the "labels" for the post.

Film Idea of the Day: Just Can't Get Enough. It is a jukebox musical based on the songs of the New Radicals in the album Maybe You've Been Brainwashed Too. The basic plot will be that a member of a religious sect prosceletyzes to a goth anarchist girl and falls in love with her, leading to conflicts with said sect. Naturally, since the number of songs is necessarily small, this will be a one-act musical.

Film Review of the Day: Z. This movie about the assassination of Greek politician/olympian/College Professor/JFK Equivalent Gregoris Lambrakis has taken its place as a favorite foreign movie of mine, and it may even beat out The Seventh Seal as my all-time favorite foreign movie.

Quote of the Day: "You may be right. I don't think so, but you may be right."
____________Robert Downey Jr. in Natural Born Killers

Link of the Day: DemSoc Forums. I post here. To find my username, think about my "ministry" and my favorite novel.

Issue 69

News/Film Review/Film Idea: Cyber-Seduction: The Musical.
Recently, I found out about a film called Cyber-Seduction: His Secret Life. It was a film made for Lifetime television in 2005, which actually manages to break the seemingly sancrosanct formula of "wife, after years of being beaten to a pulp by her husband, leaves him". After managing to obtain a copy, I viewed it and found it to be the relative Reefer Madness of our time, and thus, perfect musical satire material. What will follow may seem like a work of satire, but in fact, the creators are dead serious. In the movie, a 16-year old boy named Justin (played by Jeremy Sumpter) is a great student and his school's star swimmer. One day after making all-state, he goes onto a chat room and finds a link to a webcam run by a student named Monica which leads him on the down slope to pornography and with outsuits like "belly shirt" and "sweater" (FYI: The "porno" in the film consists of women in no scantier clothing than the underwear Susan Sarandon wore in the "Touch-a touch-a touch me" number from Rocky Horror, and doing behavior no more sexual than blowing a kiss.) At one point, his mother (played by Kelly Lynch) looks at her son looking at "porn" through an ajar section of the door (he could have just closed the door) and while doing nothing at first (on the father's advice), when she sees how it is ruining his life (a telltale sign being that he gets third in his next swim meet by half of a body length, and having a fantasty consisting of women in sarongs swimming around him) and seeing how his younger brother gets into it after watching him, she slowly cuts off the Internet supply for the entire house, afterwards he looks at Monica's webcam on the school computer, even when she's sitting two seats away from him. After watching it, I came up with the idea that the film would make a great musical satirizing the film, and the anti-pornography movement in general, especially noting several of the idiosynchracies of the film in the lyrics of the songs, including a song about Justin's addiction to Red Bull climaxing in him chugging an entire can of it and the mother singing a lament about her son only winning third place in the meet.

Band Name of the Day: She Likes Cloth. From a recent Homestarrunner.com cartoon.

Quote of the Day: "Men are equal; it is not birth
But virtue that makes the difference."
________Voltaire, Eriphile (2.1), Mahomet (1.4)

Link of the Day: A More thorough review of Cyber-Seduction.

Issue 57

News: Ted "The Elephant Pastor" Haggard in sex scandal.
The pastor of New Life Church and inspiree of my forthcoming play about the anti-semitism in the USAF academy, Ted Haggard, aka The Elephant Pastor, for reasons which should be obvious by anybody who looks at him, has been outed by a man named Mike Jones who claims that over the last three years, they had been having a once-monthly affair, sometimes while taking Crystal Meth. It should be noted that Haggard is a vocal opponent of Same-Sex marriage and Homosexuality in general, as a man who has been known to speak with pResident Bush for an hour every monday. So far, he has admitted to purchasing the Crystal Meth, as supported by a voicemail which shows him calling for some meth, although he still denies using it, as if there was anything but using it as a recreational drug that it was used for. He stepped down from his post as head of the New Life Church and National Association of Evangelicals, which has several million members, on Thursday and was fired just yesterday from the church, which claimed to have proved beyond a doubt that he had broken the by-laws of the church and had to leave the church. Seeing what has happened to many previous evangelists in the past, all I can say is that he'll be back. It'll most likely be on a smaller scale than before, but he'll be back.

Band Name of the Day: Jagshemash!. It is a greeting that Borat uses frequently in his new movie, which is reviewed below.

Film Review of the Day: Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazahkstan. Until recently, I wasn't much of a fan of Sascha Baron Cohen or his characters. But then I saw him on Saturday Night Live last week and when I saw how much he was creeping out my mother, I just knew I had to see the movie. In the movie itself, Kazahkstani television personality Borat and his producer Azamat are sent to America to film a documentary in New York, but then he sees Pamela Anderson on TV and when his wife dies (she was eaten by a Bear), so Borat decides to Pursue and marry her. When Azamat discovers his true plans, they have a naked fight across the hotel they're in, and so he leaves, leaving Borat to Hitchhike and he is picked up by college frat boys who show Borat that Pamela isn't a virgin, and he gets depressed, but is picked up again when he attends a Pentecostal revival meeting and reunites with Azamat, and then they managed to catch up with her, but she escapes their advances. Borat then marries a prostitute he met earlier in the movie.

Film Idea: In keeping with the News story for today, here is a plan for the ending of my "Christ-Killers" play about Ted Haggard's recent scandal involving the USAF academy: He is caught in the act of Gay sex and the pastor loses his church, while the reporter gains nationwide clout.

Quote of the Day: We don't have to debate about what we should think about homosexual activity, it's written in the Bible.
__________Ted Haggard

Link of the Day: Borat's official homepage.

Tract Reviews: The Unwelcome Guest- A church deacon is drawn into the world of the freemasons, and after a year, his wife is distressed at the fact that he seems to love her less, and the pastor Saves him, as per usual in the tracts, and claims that Masonry is a Satanic cult.

Who Loves You- Who Loves ya, baby? it's the Black version of the tract "A Love story", which is not even close to related to the sappy 1970 film of the same name.