Issue 23

News: Creation Science; Ain't no such thing.
After listening to my Western Civilisation teacher comparing The religious right's pro-creationism crusade to the crusades in the 11th-13th Centuries, I decided to write my next column about Creationism. In short, some people are claiming that The account taught in Genesis 1-2 (2 conflicting accounts), should be taught in public schools. Now, I don't care if you teach it in your home, or church, or private school, but, if our tax dollars are used to teach something a significant number of people believe is incorrect, as fact, there is something very wrong, and in addition, this violates the idea of Separation of Church and State which I laid out in a previous issue, because this benefits only The Fundementalists who believe the Bible is infallible and literally true, essentially violating the 1st Amendment. They try to side-step this problem by changing the name to "Intelligent Design". Some people are claiming that Evolution has not been proven as a theory, but of course Creationism only has a book with two different stories about it. Another thing that Creationists use to support their ideas is a story by a woman calling herself Lady Hope who claimed that she met Charles Darwin on his deathbed and saw him reading the Book of Hebrews and recanting his ideas of Evolution (which Galileo had actuially done) and asking her to gather Children so he could talk about Christ to them. This story has been debunked as an urban legend by his family and his contempt for Christianity which is visible in his Autobiography. Oddly enough, all signs point to Evolution. Of course, the idea of the Earth revolving around the sun is also a theory, but it also is one supported by science, and refuted by the Bible. I cannot end this spiel without a mention of the 1925 Scopes Trial. In this, which was re-imagined as Inherit the Wind, by the people who brought us Auntie Mame, Jerome Lawrence and Robert E. Lee. In it, a twentysomething Tennessee substitute teacher named Scopes was arrested for teaching Evolution under the newly-passed Butler Act. This act eventually attracted the attention of longtime presidential candidate William Jennings Bryant, on the prosecution and Attourney Clarence Darrow, direct from the Leopold and Loeb trial, on the defense. After 7 sweltering days in the Courtroom, Darrow asked Bryant to the stand and reduced Bryant to a walking bundle of contradictions by asking religious questions, and Bryant eventually won, and died a few days. But, The #1 reason I'm against Creationism is because the grade school I went to endorsed this idea almost as much as anti-abortionism.

Film Idea: Ohio Girl. In 1970, A fashion magazine photographer photographs a girl on the street which becomes one of the most popular photographs of all time. Not based on a true story. Note: I intend this photo of Jackie Kennedy to be the model for the photo in the film

Film Review: The Wiz. This is a Blaxploitation version of The Wizard of Oz. I must say that for the original being good only for synching up with Pink Floyd, This Version is surprisingly Good.

Quote of the Day: Keeping with the Intelligent Design Theme, I have included a quote from Inherit the Wind.
"God created man in his own Image, and man, being a gentleman, returned the compliment."

Link of the Day: http://members.aol.com/monsterwax/chick.html
The site where I got the list of tracts I used for my Tract Reviews.

Tract Review: The Final Edition, in which I list the tracts I can't find online.
Breakthrough!- (A super-rare promotional tract urging the use of Wordless Gospels in Africa and New Guinea.) No copyright, but probably early 1970s. Return address is a Chino P.O. box, but called the International Gospel Literature Foundation.

Don't Read That Book!- (Satan doesn't want you to read 10 chapters a day of the Bible. Later included in the book "The Next Step.")

Four Brothers - (Four brothers attend a 1930's Revival meeting as children and accept Jesus. Each one is given a guardian angel to watch over them. But as the years pass, each falls from the grace of God and their angel leaves. Will any of the angels still be employed by the time the brothers are reunited in Heaven? Again, the crude style of later Chick art, and interestingly, the children have angels even before they surrender to Jesus - I guess after they accept Jesus the angels are just supposed to watch them closer. FG (Faceless God) appears at the end.)- From the SubgeniusSpice collection

Hit Parade (The prophets of doom and the last days are recounted.)

Kings of the East- (Anti-communist tract. The yellow menace is examined from a Biblical viewpoint.)

Kiss India Goodbye - (A super rare promotional tract urging the use of Chick tracts to reach the Indians before it becomes a Communist country.)

Last Missionary, The - (A tract aimed at getting missionaries to distribute more Chick tracts! Even after YOU are dead, this tract may bring someone to Jesus. If Commies can use cartoons to sway the minds of men, so can YOU!)

Losing The Old Zippp?- (A super rare promotional tract showing the effectiveness of passing out tracts.)

Lost Continent, The - (A super rare promotional tract discussing the threat of communism in South America.)

Macho- (Communist revolutionaries take over an embassy and confront a Christian man who warns them about Catholicism.)

Operation "Somebody Cares"-(A Super rare promotional tract urging the use of Chick tracts to spread the Gospel before Communist riots decimate the US.)

Poor Revolutionist, The - (Similar to "Fat Cats", revolutionary plots lead to hell- especially for commies.)

Pssssssst! Isn't it time??- (A super rare promotional tract pushing Why No Revival, This Was Your Life, and The Last Call.)

That Old Devil- Reveals one truth the devil wants kept secret...the blood of Jesus saves!

What's Your Score? (A super rare promotional tract showing the effectiveness of passing out tracts.)

Who Are They Gonna Remember?- (Another tract promoting Chick tracts.)

Wicked Magistrate, The- (A rare tract that featured an ancient Korean character on the front cover along with a Chinese looking title.)

Wounded Children- (Explains how a young kid can be turned into a homo by uncaring parents. But Jesus saves him in the end (of the story)

You Are About To See... - (Rare promo for the premier of Chick's 2003 film, Light of the World.)

I can predict that these are just as ridiculous as the ones I did find and review on the web.

Issue 22P

News: PETA. I know many of my readers may think that PETA is a crusader for good, but, despite everything the McCartneys, Pamela Anderson, et. Al. say, PETA is not the way it seems. First off, I would like to point out a discrepancy in their name. Their Name stands for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, which implies that ethics is the same exact set of rules for all people, which it isn't. I don't believe that I should physically harm pets, but, and I believe most species across the world agree with me on this: Some species are good to eat. PETA has been known to picket Animal Shelters because they kill animals (because they kill animals who have been in too long, and try to do everything in their power to not kill them, so what are they supposed to do?). Now who does that Remind me of? He Said thinking of the Westboro Baptist Church. Back to PeTA and their fight against shelters, they probably want the shelters to free all the animals, including the ones that bite, and now, they will be blamed by the people of the city who don't work for PeTA. Although they want animals to be free, they want to do so by harassing people who disagree with them by use of violence and images of violence in meat packing factories, saying that Animals are Slaves, while millions of people in the Pacific are working as slaves in foreign countries for International Corporations.
And Eating Meat and Cruelty to animals is just the tip of the Iceberg. They Also Hate:
*Fishing (Which I never did nor plan to do)
*Circuises (Which I've never gone to)
*Dog Shows (I liked Best in Show)
*Horseback Riding (I don't really like riding horseback)
* Zoos (Which I like)
*Seeing Eye Dogs (Which help the blind)
*Pets (I have a pet dog)
*Honey (Which I do hate)
*Animal Testing (Which has helped many people, including PeTa's VP)
So, to all you people who own pets and Donate to PeTA thinking that they are just another organization like the AHS, you are being a hypocrite. Also, they actually support people financially who firebomb dissenters for their beliefs. Finally, they once bought a $9370 10x20 Walk-in Frezer, which was for 1325 Dead animals that they Euthanized at their Headquarters. So, everybody, PeTA is the largest group of Hypocrites by Far I know of in both Hypocrisy and Number: 3/4 Million.

Film Idea: Actually, a Novel Idea that is a spoof of a book I read and hated entitled The Five People You Meet In Heaven. My Spoof is called The Seven Dwarves you meet in Hell. In it, after having a heart attack brought on by a Flash Screamer, Cthulhu Jones answers to 7 people he knew on Earth, but each has metamorphasized into a Dwarf and is head of their own Hell, which varies only by Colour Schemes. Each one tells Cthulhu about the meaningless of life.

Review: Sunset Boulevard. In this 110-minute film, William Holden plays a screenwriter who narrates the story of his Hollywood Career and his relationship with Gloria Swanson. With its fascinating portrayal of life in Hollywood and star studded cast, it is no wonder that it is considtently in the Top 250 on IMDB.

Quote of the Day: "I hate Morrisey so much that if Morrisey says 'Don't Eat Meat', then I'll Eat meat. "
_____Robert Smith.

Link of the Day: lostfrog.org
A collection of bizarre photoshops related to a child's poster for a frog.

Tract Review: T-Z
The Terminator- A simple David and Goliath Tract.

That Crazy Guy- A girl has premarital sex and gets gonorrhea and AIDS. Chick tells the Evils of Condoms.

The Theif- A man is robbed and he converts the theif to Christianity.

The Thing- A mexican woman is possessed by a Demon and is Exorcised. Read for the Shyamalanesque Twist at the end.

This Was Your Life- The chick Publications Classic about a man whose life is reviewed by Angels.

Tiny Shoes- As his son dies of an infection, a Mexican drinks until he is Saved by Christ.

Titanic- Not related that much to the film of the same name, a man boards the Titanic, and rejects God and goes to hell.

The Traitor- Stereotyping Hindi as Pagans since 1990.

The Trap- This shows the Evils of Reincarnation.

The Trial- A Priest, Minister, a Rabbi and An Imam walk into a Courthouse. They are seen condemning a girl because She gave a girl a piece of paper saying "John 14:6". This is sort of like Karka's Trial, but the defendant has a puropse in the Courtroom.

The Trick- Ladies and Gentlemen, the Satanic conspiracy to kill people on Halloween, mentioned in at least 5 other tracts is revealed.

The True Path- Like One Way, but for the Native Americans.

Trust me- A teen gets high, arrested, raped, and HIV'd and dies just after reading a Tract.

The Tycoon- A Buddhist dies, while Chick prpetuates the misconception that Buddhism is a religion. It is really a philosophy.

Unloved- As a man's development is shown from childhood is contrasted with his Sister's great life, he is saved by a Friend.

the visitors- Two mormons learn about their Church.

The Wall- A tract with a NASCAR theme. You know Chick must be desperate when he is prosceletyzing to Rednecks.

The Warning- A man tells how his father got saved when his overalls got stuck on barbed wire when he tried to go into snake-infested water. Then he talks about the biggest Snake attack in History as read in Genesis 3.

War zOne- An bully in an entire school of Delinquents is turned on to Christ when he steals a girl's Chick Tracts, one of which is this very tract.

What's Wrong with this Picture- A woman is offended at a Pacific Islander worshipping a Bird on a painting in a museum. Shows the value of Lightening up about paintings.

Where's Rabbi Waxman?- An Anti-Semitic Tract that states a Rabbi died in his sins with Fluid in his lungs after rejecting the New Testament.

Who Cares- In the 20th Bible Series Tract, A post 9/11 Muslim is beaten up and Bob Williams Tells him about the Good Samaritan.

Who me?- Chick shows the power of passing out Chick Tracts.

Who's Missing- In the 24th Bible Series Tract, Bob Talks about the Rapture.

Who murdered Clarise?- An Abortion Clinic Doctor is told about The Massacre of the Innocents, the Holocaust, and Abortion being the exact same thing.

Why is Mary Crying?- Because she is being Worshipped.

Why No Revival- In his First ever tract, Chick Talks about the conditions in this world for Christians, and ask for a revival.

The Word (Became Flesh)- Chick uses Bible Quotes to Explain JEsus.

Wordless Gospels- A man in the Target Group is seen speaking the Gospels to his people without words and he converts the entire tribe.

I will devote the next Tract Review to Those Tracts I cannot find online.

Issue 21

News: Satirising a Jack Chick Article at http://www.chick.com/bc/1999/abortion.asp

Would you say "Choose Life" in these 4 situations?
1. A 16-year old girl has an alchohol problem. She finds out she is pregnant with a child. She has no idea who the father is. Considering the idea that the booze will harm the baby, coupled with the fact that he has no father, what would you think?
2. A peasant woman who had 3 children die in infancy finds she is pregnant yet again. Considering that this son will most likely die also, what would you think?
3. A senior citizen with a heavy drinking problem has sex with his niece and is pregnant. All of their previous children did not reach adulthood. What would you think?
4. A woman is raped by a Satanic Presence and finds out she is pregnant. What would you think?

If you wanted mother #1 to keep her baby, You would have saved Charlie Manson, who killed 7 people in an attempt to start a race war which would never happen.
If you wanted mother #2 to keep her baby, You would have saved Josef Stalin, who killed even more people than Hitler.
If you Wanted mother #3 to keep her bay, You would have saved Adolf Hitler.
If you wanted mother #4 to keep her baby, you would have saved the title Character in the 1968 Roman Polanski film Rosemary's Baby. (Read: The Antichrist)

So if you are angry at people who believe in Abortion, just remember that these 4 people could have been aborted, but people like you had to stop them.

Film Idea: A chronicle of an increasingly eccentric New Mexico family from the Day of the Trinity Test to the present day.

Film Review: Agnes of God. Jane Fonda plays a Psychiatrist who stumbles onto a nunnery where one nun, played by Meg Tilly, seemingly has a Virgin Birth and is found with a dead infant in her room. Norman Jewison spins a Compelling tale set in the confines of a nunnery.

Quote of the Day: "Candy doesn't have to have a point. That's why it's candy."
_________________Charlie Bucket.

Link of the Day: www.Stuntaz.com
The site of a fake gang.

Tract Review:
Party Girl- Satan Sabotages New Orleans Mardi Gras. One Girl is saved by her grandmother.

Passover Plot- The story of Exodus. With (some) Colour!

Payback- #14 in the Bible Series, this tract is about Cancer, Ahab, and Jezebel.

Peace Maker- This tract is about a policeman named Carter, who spends his time not spent punishing people for victimless Crimes comverting others to Christianity.

The Pilgrimages- Like the Previous Flight 144 tract, but only with Muslims.

Plagues- As in the Passover Plot, but without Colour.

Poor Little Witch- A teenage girl converts to Witchcraft and then to Fundementalist Christianity.

the Poor Pope?- Shows how the Pope is richer than Jesus was. Of course, this is just because the Pope actually had more than 12 followers in his lifetime.

The Present- A king tells his son to go out and invite people into his castle. The son is killed. This paves the way for a metaphor about Jesus.

The Promise- #4 in the Bible Series, Bob Williams Talks about Abraham while a Suicide Bombing goes by.

Ranson- A woman is kidnapped and preaches to her kidnappers.

Real Heat- #15 in the bible Series, Bob talks to a survivor of a fire and preaches about Catholicism, Shadrach Mescheach, and Abendago.

Reverend Wonderful- A well-admired pastor is killed in a plane crash and finds out he was not saved.

Room 310- One dying man coverts another dying man to Christianity successfully.

Royal Affair- As a senator's marraige falls apart, his attourney talks about David and Bathsheba.

The Sacrifice- The Story of Abraham's Children.

Satan's Master- Like Dark Dungeons, but Without D and D.

The Scam- #9 in the Bible Series, A couple is conned and Bob talks to them about how Gideon conned Joshua.

Scream!- #21 in the Bible Series, not to be confused with the 1996 Film or its 2+ sequels. Yet another Fire Survivor talks with Bob and is converted.

The Scoundrel- The rivalry of Esau and Jacob.

The Secret- A drunken wife-beater is converted to Christ IN JAIL.

The Secret of Prayer- Chick Talks about men and Prayer.

Sin Busters- Two students talk about the ten Commandments.

Sin City- #3 in the Bible Series, not to be confused with the recent Robert Rodriguez film of the same name, this tract is like Doom Town, but with Bob Williams.

The Sissy- 2 Truck drivers learn that God is not a sissy. The Weirdcrap site has 2 parodies.

The Sky Lighter- A kid is raised by Muslims for a holy war nobody really is fignting in.

The Slugger- A baseball star gets cancer and is saved just in time for death so he can leave his inheritance to his gardner.

Somebody Goofed- Widely considered to be a classic, this tract has a man converting a kid to Atheism just in time for both to Die.

Somebody loves me- Another Classic, a boy is beaten and left for dead, but lives long enough to see the message "JEsus Loves you. "

Something in Common- Chick talks about how much we as people have in common.

Soul Story- Chick dabbles in Blaxploitation?

Squatters- According to him, ISlam and the vatican are in league to destroy Israel.

The storyteller- An Islam boy is saved, and he tries to save another Islamic Boy.

Superman?- Chick's Story of Sampson.

The Superstar- Like The Slugger, but with Soccer.

Issue 20

News: Separation of Church and State.
As one might guess, I am strongly for the idea of Separation of Church and State. SEPERATE: like John and Paul, Church and State, not "Sturch" or "Chate". Sadly, most people here are strongly against the idea, claiming that the words "Separation of Church and State" are not mentioned in the Constitution. Oddly enough, it never mentions that the USA should be a Theocracy, either. Come to Think of It, The only time Religion is mentioned is in the Establishment Clause of the First amendment, and the section in which it bans a religious test to serve for office. Besides, the founding fathers knew full well of what would happen if we became a Theocracy; They left Europe with scenes of theocratic violence in their memories that would make Pier Paolo Pasolini's pet goat vomit. Sadly, most people forget these things and fight for the melding of two seperate entities that are like Sodium and Water to set up a volatile combination that could destroy us all. In fact, I think this might be why Conservatives want to spend most of our money on bombing campaigns of third world countries, so that Education is neglected, and the teachers have little motivation to teach meaningfully. With that, they give students bad grades, which the "Christian Right" claims is from a lack of school prayer, ending up setting off a domino chain of events turning us into a Fundementalist Theocracy. Of course, I could be "misunderestimating" the Right, as if it was even a word. I wouldn't be surprised if people actually think it is a word.

Film Review: Good Night and Good Luck. I just saw this film about Edward R. Murrow's war against Senator McCarthy and I give it a good thumbs up and truly believe it deserves the Best Picture at the Oscars.

Film Idea: Film Festival. This film is an Altmanesque film about a festival of the first 60 years of film and two extremist groups crusading against it because of The Birth of a Nation and Public Enemy being screened there.

Quote of the Day: "1985."
____________Some idiot in my latin class.

Link of the Day: http://filebox.vt.edu/users/mfeid/vtpage/milkmovie.htm

Tract Review: Kidnapped- A girl is kidnapped and after praying, is found by a policeman.

Killer Storm- Noah's ark and why that thing on Mt. Ararat is it.

Kiss the Protestants goodbye- Jack's Protestant theory that The Church has the name of every Protestant in its computer in the Vatican for future persecution. Apparently, he has the CIA confused With the VatICAn.

The LAst Generation- IT is the future, Christians are persecuted again. This is without a doubt, the most demented and insane tract Jack has ever written.

The Last Judge- Bob Talks to a judge about a judge: Samuel. 11 of 25 in the bible series.

Last Rites- A catholic is killed and is judged by God. Watch out for these at every Youth Day.

The Letter- Why people should pass out Chick Tracts.

Li'L Susy- A remake of a previous tract with a new character. With a subplot about Divorce.

Lisa- A jobless man watches porno and molests his mostly unseen daughter, and his neighbour wants in on it, too. She gets herpes and the Doctor turns him on to Christ. Only the daughter is punished, sadly.

The Little Bride- Li'l Susy points out all discrepancies in the Koran, and says everything in the Bible is True.

The Little Ghost- A girl prosceletizes to trick or treating kids.

The Little Princess- A terminally ill girl is converted to Christ and dies and goes to heaven.

The Long Trip- A man is shown from birth to 62 years, and is saved by the Gospel. He dies and goes to hell.

The Loser- A suicidal loser with cancer is converted to Christ.

Love Story- Who loves you, Baby? Not kojak, but Christ.

Love the Jewish People- Not something one would expect from a Fundementalist, More of Chick's ramblings on how The Holocaust was an inquisition.

The Mad Machine- How God can help the World's insanity.

The Man in Black- Not about Johnny Cash, but a tract about Bob Williams teaching a Suicidal Catholic priest to love Christ (read: Become Protestant). 23 in 25 of the Bible Series.

The Missing Day- A man talks about the Thanksgiving story to his dysfunctional family in a religious right. Yet another quoting of Nietzsche out of context.

Miss Universe- The story of Esther, not a beauty pageant.

The Monster- A secretary Saves her Boss.

Murph- A Catholic Policeman learns about Protestantism.

My Name in the Vatican? - Same tract as Kiss the Protestants goodbye.

The Nervous Witch- Bob Williams saves his family from Satan. 12 of 25 in the bible series.

No Fear- A man kills himself and goes to hell.

One Way- With a rare use of Color in a Chick Tract, He explains without Words why God is the one way through salvation.

The Only Hope- Why these are the LAtter Days of Revelation.

The Outcast- A battered Hooker is told about Rahab and is Saved.

The Outsider- The Story of Ruth