Issue 154

Intro: Well, I'm not going to put this entry in the standard form. I will, however, build most of my standard sections into one large section for this one. Links will most likely return for the next entry.

Actual Entry: The Brothers Karamazov: Book vs. Movie.
Recently, I re-read Dostoevsky's The Brothers Karamazov (in the "new" Pevear/Volokhonsky translation) and I must admit that in this re-reading, I actually got more out of it. I'm not sure whether it was the new translation (previously, I had read Garnett's long-maligned [for good reason] translation), or the intervening years between reads, but as it turned out, I actually got more out of it even than when I had read books 5 and 6 for my Honors Seminar last semester. Now, I actually understood Vonnegut's character Eliot Rosenwater when he said that it contained "everything there was to know about life," especially from its frequent arguing about opposing points of view, from Ivan and Aloysha arguing about whether a God (or at least one worth worshipping) exists, to whether or not Dmitri is innocent. From what I remembered, P and V had emphasized this more than Garnett did (she seemed mainly interested in making Russian literature accessible to the proles by making virtually all of Russian prose read like Dickens.) Later, I would eventually learn that there was a Hollywood version of the book available on Youtube (starring, of all people, Yul Brynner [who has by now become my mental image of Dmitri Karamazov] and William Shatner.) As I clicked the Youtube link, I asked myself a question: How could they possibly cram a 776-page novel into a 145-minute film? Well, the short answer is, by basically stripping away the philosophy and reducing it to a murder mystery (in the process taking away virtually all of the ambiguity as to Dmitri's innocence or guilt). Of course, the narrator himself, who in the novel, almost becomes a character on himself, while never interfering with the action, only with the audience's perception of it, does not appear. Of course, I would not expect that this aspect of the novel to appear in the film. But what really bugged me was that surprisingly, most of Ivan's scenes (particularly his expounding of evil and the Grand Inquisitor "poem" in Book 5, and his vision of Satan in book 11) have been cut, although, oddly, he seems to refer to the latter in the courtroom scene, of course, perhaps the content of the former scenes, in addition to lengthening the film, would have angered the Hays office [In addition to their prohibitions against sex, they also banned criticism of religion, and Ivan's well-spoken defense of rationalism would certainly qualify] and thus there was no way to include them, thus watering Ivan down to the point where he seems to be little more than a walk-on character and not one of the most compelling characters in Russian literature. Father Zosima, on the other hand, hardly even appears at all. To be fair, the scenes of his autobiography (Book 6) would likely have broken the flow of any film, but his other scenes, particularly his death rites and the smell (addressed in Book 7), would likely be a welcome addition. But for the real thing that bugged me, look no further than the opening shots. To paraphrase Austin Powers, "You know what's remarkable? Is how much Pushkin-era Russia looks in no way like virtually any Old western Town." Indeed, the only real things that made it look any different from any old western town were a few onion bulbs on the old church buildings and a few token signs in Cyrillic. I remember reading that back in the 1930s (I think the article was dated 1936), movies could be filmed that took place anywhere in the world could be filmed without even leaving California. It looks like the filmmakers took that sensibility and ran with it, but unlike a lot of movies, it really shows. Going back to Pushkin, one thing that I didn't expect to be carried over into the film was Fyodor Karamazov's apparent foot fetish; in the original novel, he himself tells Dmitri, "Don't be afraid of the barefoot ones, don't despise them, they're pearls," {in addition, Pushkin's apparent fondness for "little feet" is mentioned several times, something which is especially pronounced in Eugene Onegin, Chapter 1, stanzas 30-4} and in the film, is introduced writing on the foot of a girl he had tied to his bed. Takes all sorts, I suppose. With all of this, it should go without saying that it is unlikely that a satisfactory film version of the novel would ever come about, certainly not in anything under three hours, although there is a four-hour film version from Russia made ten years after the Hollywood version, which is likely to be closer to definitive, and according to IMDB, there was recently (like earlier this summer) a miniseries version (roughly 7 1/2 hours). Of course, none of these versions are in print on DVD. Judging from the quality of this version, perhaps this is a Good thing. But perhaps an English miniseries version might be able to do the movie justice, or maybe not.

Issue 153

News: The real conspiracy behind Obama's birth.
Now, the nation is moving further towards getting with the rest of the developed world in getting universal health coverage for America. Bizarrely enough, if the significant amount of coverage CNN gave to authenticating Obama's American birth is any indication, the issue that seemed to be more on the minds of a significant number of Republicans was the issue of his birthplace. Was he born somewhere other than Hawaii? Does this Make Obama ineligible for the highest office in the land? Would this change current Democratic dominance? Well, the answers to these questions are No (his birth announcement and certificate have been made public and authenticiated), Not Necessarily (even if he was born abroad, his mother was American, and he lost any Kenyan citizenship his father gave him by failing to renounce his American citizenship by 21) , and No (because nobody questions Joe Biden's citizenship). You know why I think that this flared up again now, as opposed to earlier in the actual presidency? Here's what I think: Obama's administration is looking for a way to simultaneously minimize the Republican debate against health care, and make the Republicans look like idiots. So, remembering the debate about whether his claim to "natural born citizenry" was legitimate before the election, some moles from Obama's employ decided to start up the rumor again and apparently have succeeded in doing so, since some congressmen have actually fallen for it.

Band Name of the Day: None.

Film Idea of the Day: Me and the Devil Blues. An artistic, yet deeply misanthropic teenager named Johnny meets the Devil, who wants him to write a webcomic (later named Brandi) around the premise of a teen starlet and a horse getting fused in a teleporter accident, like in Cronenberg's Fly. He hides this double life from the world, and nobody seems to notice that anybody but a 13-year old girl could write it, despite increasing levels of violences and references to serial killers and 20th Century classical composers. The rest of the comic focuses mainly on the Johnny's adventures with the devil and their interactions with his family including his parents (both of who seem to be oblivious to everything around them, and in essence, are what characters in Brett Easton Ellis novels would be like if they ever settled down to have kids), 10-year old sister Alexis (a fanatic of the comic who hasn't put two and two together about her brother's double life), and 22-year old marines veteran brother Dennis who lost the use of his legs in combat and eventually became a bitter alcoholic.

Film Review of the Day: Plumbers Don't Wear Ties. Well, it's not really a film, it's more of a game, no wait, it's more of a slideshow that verges on being soft-core porn. Of course, I suppose if you call a few isolated scenes of borderline nudity no more visible (and with much less eroticism) than the average PG-13 Austin Powers movie soft-core porn, but of course that's not accurate either. Well, what I guess it really is is a film done in a slideshow, sort of like La Jetee, no, wait, it's not like La Jetee, it doesn't even have a compelling story, or even much of a story, just a lot of scenes based around the premise of the viewer making choices that affect whether two people get together, and a narrator or two scolding you for making stupid choices. For that matter, it was released on a game console that lived on for only about 2 years, and is likely not playable on modern PC or DVD drives. At least it's available (mostly) on Youtube and in numerous reviews of crappy games like the Angry Video Game Nerd.

Quote of the Day: "The people in this novel are not human."
____________Fred Smith on Left Behind.

Issue 152

Here's something I wrote during my Door County vacation.

News/Film Review: Watching the Watchmen Director's Cut.

Every so often, a work appears so great that it can only be described as perfect. Such works include Mozart's Don Giovanni, Dostoevsky's Brothers Karamazov, and Orson Welles' Citizen Kane. One work which comes close is Alan Moore's graphic novel Watchmen. When I reviewed the movie, I loved it, but had to concede that it really removed too many things. Curiously, a lot of the little things I liked in the original were removed, foremost of which was the scene wherein Rorschach describes his connection between the Kitty Genovese case and his “face,” a scene which, while explaining why Kovacs turned to vigilantism, also explains how the blotch on his mask can move. I think it would be very little of an overstatement to say that if that scene were included, I would readily call it my favorite film of all time. Of course, most of those little things I liked that were excluded weren't reinstated in the director's cut, probably for the better. After all, why have a scene where Dr. Manhattan sends all of the rioters during the police strike to their homes when the other scene during the police strike gives much more insight to the Comedian's character and the other scene in which he sends everybody around him home is a major plot point? Well, anyway, as in the original, Malin Ackerman underacts, and Billy Crudup overacts. So what's expanded upon in this cut? Two changes that were particularly welcome were that Rorschach's interviews with Malcolm Long were expanded upon (this was one of my biggest problems with the theatrical cut. I estimated that the entire events of issue 6 were condensed into 3 ½ minutes), and the biggest advertised change is the inclusion of the subplot about the death of Hollis Mason. In the theatrical cut, he appears as Dreiberg's mentor, and disappears halfway into the movie without a trace, but however, in this cut, we actually see his death scene. All I can say is that the actual scene of his death, well, reminds me a lot of Beowulf's last battle with the dragon [not Grendel, not Grendel's mother, the dragon in the last part], although, of course, he is not victorious in the end. And now there's another edition of the film in the works. Around December, there will be a five-disc edition of the film with Tales of the Black Freighter reinstated into the film [in the director's cut, all that exists of the story is a page of the comic being read by some guy before the gang meets up to kill Hollis], bringing the running time to 3 ½ hours. Although I'm unsure as to whether there will be much else added, except maybe the long-advertised “two Bernies scene”, but at least one new special feature is planned that wasn't in the Director's Cut DVD; Commentary with Zack Snyder and Dave Gibbons. These are the major reasons for getting this edition of the DVD, but there is one big reason against it: two of the five discs are the Watchmen Motion Comics that I bought months ago. Maybe if there was a 3-Disc edition with the full cut and all the special features without the Motion Comic, I'd buy it. Point is: I highly recommend the Director's Cut of Watchmen.

Band Name of the Day: None this Week.

Film Idea of the Day: I read The Yosemite Murders, and after reading it, it seems that, of all of the serial killers I've read about, Cary Stayner's story is probably the one which seems to be the most doable in film form. Of course, perhaps the way I'd do it would probably be a more art-house way than the made-for-tv film story accorded to his brother Steven. Perhaps I may not even use real names.

Quote of the Day: “Schoolchildren are merciless people: separately they're god's angels, but together, especially in school, they're quite often merciless.”

____________________Fyodor Dostoevsky.