Issue 116

News: Was Bayside Hell? : an Experiment in Pop Theology.
You may have heard of the legend that the seven castaways of Gilligan's Island were all created to correspond to one of the seven deadly sins. However, I may have found a more interesting analogue of the Seven Deadly Sins in the main characters of the show Saved by the Bell.
I'll start with the most obvious one.
The sin of Lust is personified by Kelly. While Zack did have more romantic partners on the show, for the most part, except in the shows with Tori or Leah Remini, these girls were usually secondary girls whom he dated primarily because Kelly was out of reach, and even when she seemed to be on the verge of being steady with Zack, she usually ended up dumping him for some other guy. If the show had continued after their wedding, I'm sure that Kelly would have, at the very least, cheated on him after a few episodes where their relationship is going well. In an amazing coincidence, a scene from Dante involving the sin of lust (penitents walk through fire) echoes, to an extent, a scene with Kelly, being accused in a dream of killing Slater's chameleon, is sentenced to walk upon a frying pan.
Jessie, however, personifies two sins. The more obvious sin is the sin of Pride, which she exhibits in her extreme pride in being one of the, if not the, top students at Bayside, and the fact that she often gets on the verge of a nervous breakdown when this is threatened even to a small extent, often being exhibited in the second sin, Gluttony. This sin is most obvious in the episode where she is rejected by most of her college choices and copes by eating copius amounts of Junk food, to the point where her locker is filled with it by the time only one choice remains.
Zack personifies most obviously the sin of Greed, as is evidenced by his constant scheming to get money, often sacrificing his friendships and sometimes what he doesn't even have in an attempt to get what he wants, especially in the episode where he shoots the video dating tape, and, albeit accidentally, manages to include every girl in Bayside (Kelly and Jessie included).
Lisa is another obvious one (although this may simply be stretching). Her sin is sloth, typified in her borderline slacker attitude, a result of being a child of bourgeoisie parents, most often shown in her refusal to work (except reluctantly to pay off a credit card debt), and cook (in her words, "All I know how to make are reservations", although, like many things in SBTB continuity, this is contradicted in another episode where she claims that she chooses to not cook), undoubtedly a result of her upbringing.
Slater typifies the sin of Wrath. This goes hand-in-hand with his being a wrestler in the show, and a military brat who somehow managed to stay in one place after being assigned to several places throughout his life. This is showcased most often in the aforementioned dating tape episode, wherein he shows in graphic (for the show) detail, what he will do to the person who created the tape (and specifically, who put Jessie in it), although he knew full well who was responsible, and it is somewhat unclear how much of this is part of the act that was formulated to teach Zack his lesson.
Finally, Screech personifies Envy, although this is much less obvious than the six other sins, this is apparent to a small degree in some episodes, most visibly in the episode where Zack enlists most of the gang in an extracurricular Marine Corps program, and after Zack deserted, Screech speaks of how much he idolized Zack up until that point.
Perhaps, with this in mind, perhaps the comparatively benign Belding was, in reality, Satan himself, and that Bayside was meant to be Hell (or at least a part of it). Perhaps Brandon Tartikoff (who created the show) had this in mind when he created the show. Perhaps I may be putting way too much thought into this.

Band Name of the Day: Bad Baby Names. This came from a strange book I read about in the paper and managed to get recently. This would work best if the members all used pseudonyms based on the names in that book, or improve on them, resulting in a name like Marquis Marq de Sade.

Film Idea of the Day: The Princess and the Powder. I can only describe it as being Roman Holiday meets Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. As you may have guessed, Cocaine and the conspicuous consumption thereof is involved very much in the book.

Film Review of the Day: Tristram Shandy: A Cock and Bull Story. I remember it playing down the street from the theater where I saw Arlo Guthrie at Woodstock a few years back (specifically, Woodstock "Fauz Punxsutawney", IL and 2006, not the 1969 festival), and I must say that I just saw it for the first time last week. Surprisingly, they managed to get some of the famously unfilmable novel into the movie, although they did focus primarily on the making of said movie and how impossible it was to make. This movie gets points for simply trying to film this book.

Quote of the Day: "If a man smiles all the time, he's probably selling something that doesn't work."
__________George Carlin.

Link of the Day: A site explaining the legend inspiring today's entry.

Issue 115

News: Mary Ann, Mary Jane, and The One Percent.
Two news stories have converged around the same time. The first is that Dawn Wells, Gilligan's Island's Mary Jane had Marijuana discovered in the car she was driving (curiously, this actually was old news that I only discovered recently.) As it turns out, she ended up only having to pay a small fine and do half a year's worth of probation. Around this same time, (come to think of it, on the same day as the sentence was announced), it was revealed that, for the first time in American, and possibly even modern, history, more than 1% of all American adults are currently behind bars. Now, what is behind this rate of incarceration? The answer is simple: The war on drugs. As I have stated before, I know that while drugs can be dangerous, there are a lot more dangerous activities than drug use (joining the Republican party, for instance). Even throwing away the fact that arresting somebody for the possesion of a plant which grows naturally throughout the world, the fact is that throwing people in jail for minor offenses like drug possession and use, ultimately, they do not end up learning their lesson that drug use is supposed to be wrong, but they often develop camaraderie with other, more dangerous, inmates. Either as a result of this, or as a result of the fact that many employers are reluctant to hire ex-cons, they often return to jail for crimes which are more detrimental to society than smoking a joint. With this in mind, what benefit does illegalization of drugs do, except fill our prisons and cause drug lords to grow fat on the profits of something which often used to be sold in pharmacies, as Heroin was. Of course, the major reason that drugs became illegal, and the ultimate goal of these laws is to create a drug-free society, wasn't it? Okay, I'll give you that one, but there is one peoblem with that line of reasoning: For every culture that knew that there was some way that they could get a high, they always managed to do so, even if it just meant planting grape vines for Caecuban wine (read Horace if that phrase means nothing to you), and virtually every attempt to try to completely end intoxification has failed horribly. For instance, Take Prohibition. In 1919, it was decided that alcohol was not to be sold at all. What were the consequences? It didn't lead to widespread sobriety; All it lead to were creation of inferior liquors, bad men growing fat off the profits of good liquors, and a constitutional amendment ending it.

Band Name: Come to think of it, the Title for today's news seems like a better band name than anything I can come up with.

Film Idea of the Day: A promising college student disappears. When she is found, she, through her split personalities (Svetlana, the Russian whore; Mickey, the male brooklynite heroin addict; Kate, the British psychopath; and Bobbye [sic], the fast-talking and androgynous con girl, all played by different actresses and actor), reveal a shocking criminal past.

Film Review of the Day: 24 Hour Party People. The story of Factory Records as told by Steve Coogan as Factory Records founder Tony Williams. While the scene showing Ian's suicide is glaringly inaccurate, since it shows him already dead as Stroszek is still airing, when in reality, it didn't happen for several hours afterwards, and the fact that I am unfamiliar with the non-JD section of Factory Records' history, I still think it is good, although I'm sure that Control will most likely be more suited to my interests.

Quote of the Day: "Tristram Shandy was a post-modern classic written before there was any modernism to be post about."
__________Steve Coogan, Cock and Bull Story.

Link of the Day: The famous Denis Leary monologue.

Issue 114

News: The Church finally releases a more sane list of Deadly sins.
How many of us know the seven deadly sins? Don't go to Wikipedia or your copy of Se7en, just try to remember. You've probably got Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy and Pride, but according to the Vatican in the past few days, there may be some more deadly sins coming our way, including many of those which actually have a secular justification for being "deadly". They are now: Pollution, genetic engineering, economic inequality, creation of poverty, drug use, unethical experiments, and Human Rights violations. Bishop Girotti, who is in charge of confessions, released this new list to remind people that, despite the unusual fixation of religious figures upon what happens between two consenting adults in bed, there are, in fact, more dire things going on in the world. While many of the things on the new list seem like sound things to worry about (certainly more than the original list), I must note several things I disagree with in the new list. First off, genetic engineering has done wonders for the world. For instance, decades ago, in many third world countries, there was a large shortage land suitable for the growing of wheat. Enter Norman Borlaug, with his genetically modified wheat, which eventually led to saving the lives of over 1 billion people and a Nobel Prize. Of course, the Church is probably implying Stem Cell Research in this time, and I must still say that an outcome like this may be similar to Borlog's outcome, and in this case, the needs of the many millions of people who will suffer from diseases outweighs the needs of the few human blastocysts who will "suffer", although such an outcome is, by this point just conjecture. Another thing I must talk about is the stance on drug use. As a man who supports legalization of Marijuana, I must state that while drugs are ultimately dangerous, I must state that more people are dying in the Middle East due to religious conflicts every year than there are people dying as a direct result of their drug use. Other than that, as long as it is ultimately recognized that "human rights" should apply mainly to those who are ultimately physically separate from their mothers.

Band Name of the Day: Nothing this week.

Film idea of the Day: More of a book idea, it's going to be a novel based on the life of a relative of a the narrator of the novel I'm writing right now written in the form of an autobiography, from his days on an Iowa farm to his leaving the farm for the city after finally being fed up with the immorality (or lack thereof, more specifically) in the town to dating a girl who takes her aesthetic ideals from photos of the migrant women in the still-raging Depression, and finally being locked in an institution awaiting a lobotomy.

Film Review of the Day: The Miracle of Morgan's Creek. This movie is about a woman who gets impregnated and married by a soldier named Ignatz Ratskiwatzki, and her burgeoning relationship with her constantly-stuttering friend. Due to the Production Code, everything works out well in the end. One wonders whether this film can be redone. This film is good enough that I am actually considering it.

Quote of the Day: "And I'll tell you something else right now. I have the solution to the drug problem in this country. Nobody wants to hear it, but I have it. Not less drugs, more drugs. Get more drugs, and give 'em the right people."
__________Denis Leary.

Link of the Day: Food Fight. America at war from 1939 to 2008; played by food.

Tract Review: Fatal Decision. Jack starts the tract off secularly enough, with a homage (if it is that) to Outbreak, eventually deciding to tie it all up by page 18 with a connection to the idea of sin. It's not one of his better ones.

Issue 113

News: Pascal's Wager.
Once, a teacher of mine, noticing my cynical attitudes towards religion, mentioned Pascal's Wager in class, noting that it would most likely benefit a person to believe in a God just in case God does exist, he won't throw you into the firey flames of Hell. This is one of the few real arguents that Jack Chick has ever tried to posit for the existence of a god, with his bizarre Conspiracy Theory of Everything aside. Of course, my response to the wager is on so many levels that it would have been hard for me to explain the flaws in the argument for him without throwing the class very much off track. Here I can explain my position without regards to time or the fact that, due to my Hyperlexia, it is often easier for me to write my thoughts than say them out loud. Even if we are to assume that there is a God, who demands obedience to himself to the point where John Lennon (a philanthropist and critic of Organized Religion, as "Imagine" will attest) is more likely to endure eternal punishment than his assassin, who was a Born-Again Christian before and after the assassination. Even if one accepts this as true, if one was to be convinced that this arguement is valid, it won't be enough to actually strengthen belief as much as a possibly feigned belief. For example (since one of the most recent books I've read is Under the Banner of Heaven, a book about Mormonism), suppose I was to tell you that if you were to move to Utah, you would stick out less if you were a Mormon. You may take my advice to heart, you may attend services at the local ward, and you may even get a lot more of Napoleon Dynamite than the average person. But does this mean that taking my advice make the transparently inconsistent story of Joseph Smith any more realistic? Of course not, because feigned belief, even if it is intended to being about real belief, will not always (or, possibly, often) advance beyond that state. Of course, this does not even take into account the idea that there was a different god (say, Baal) than the one being posited in the original examples, who is angry at not being worshipped. Of course, many apologists seem to be oblivious about this idea, since I have yet to find any rebuttals to some of the points I came up with, especially the second one, although on the first point, even Pascal himself it wasn't intended as the be-all and end-all argument. Of course, I should note that completely rendering redundant an argument for the existence of a deity isn't even close to the same thing as disproving it. There may be a god, or there may not be, or there could even be a God who is so either incompetent or evil that it would be best if he wasn't worshipped, like in Philip Pullman's works.

Band Name of the Day: The Marital Vegetables, from an episode of top Gear. It shouldn't take too long to figure out what it means.

Film Idea of the Day: None this week.

Review of the Day: Twitch and Shout. (Lowell Handler) This is quite possibly the first authobigraphical account of a man living with Tourette's Syndrome, and a very interesting account of life with Tourette's which may end up with some elements incorporated into Lucky...ing (Issue 111). This book may be hard to find, but it is worth it.

Quote of the Day: Kaitlin: "Well we can't ask God for help unless you believe in God."
Chauncey: "Well I can't just magically believe in something that I don't believe in."
Kaitlin: "Of course you can, Chauncey."
Chauncey: "You mean, if I pretend hard enough I'll believe?"
_________Wonder Showzen. Episode: Space.

Link of the Day: These geniuses think Star Wars is a religion of its own. This had better be a parody.