Issue 155

News: Screw the Sea Kittens.
Recently, after RationalWiki got back online, I ended up going on the PeTA page, and was particularly struck by one part, where they talked about their attempt to stop the fishing industry. What really struck me was the fact that, as it turned out, they adamantly refused to call them "fish." Instead, they decided that it would behoove the movement to rename the entire class of animals from "fish" to "sea kittens," as if a different name would stop the fishing industry dead in their tracks, or even that fish even bear any deeper resemblance to cats than the fact that they share vertebrae. What is really bizarre about the campaign is that the entire campaign seems to be focused upon a site that seems more like they're advertising a show on Cartoon Network than trying to alleviate a big problem; the site is full of idiotic dialogue like the one sample that I have quoted below. If that's not enough, the site also has a game where you can create your own "sea kitten", and put it in makeup and a princess dress. I am sure that any real fish would rather get hooked then be forced to wear ridiculous clothing like this. The only possible reason this site exists is that PeTA is actually a deep cover organization trying to discredit the Animal Rights Movement by making them look like total idiots.

Film reviews: Inglorious Basterds. I finally saw this movie, and all that needs to be said is that, in the hands of any other director, this movie would have fallen flat on its ass in its own over-the-top-ness [To give the ending away, Hitler is shot to death by Jewish soldiers and the rest of the Nazi heirarchy is blown up and burned to death by two independent plots against them]. However, in the hands of Quentin Tarantino, it actually manages to be his best film since Pulp Fiction.
The Wicker Man. I also have wanted to see this movie for a long time, but the film's unavailability at the SPL has been a stumbling block. And the fact that the Neil LaBute remake is, by all accounts, an abomination that takes everything that made the film so original and nullified it, has certainly hindered me. But finally, it finally became available, but since the disc was literally unplayable, even on my laptop, but it turned out that it was on OnDemand. Finally, I managed to see it, and I must say that it must be one of the best horror films I've ever seen, partially because it was so differnet. It didn't seem to rely on big scares like most other films, and in the first half of the film, seems more like a musical than a horror film, but the atmosphere builds until the final twist and by this point, even though I knew exactly what would happen, it is clear that cannot dare stop the channel. Now, I think it's accurate to say that this is now one of my favorite movies. Incidentally, yes, my sample Sea Kitten was based upon Lord Summerisle's processional costume near the climax.

Quote: "Sea kittens talk to each other through squeaks, squeals, and other low-frequency sounds that humans can only hear through special instruments. Most ichthyologists—scientists who specialize in sea kitten biology—agree that this is just about the cutest thing ever."

Links are back: Just so you know I am dead serious about the Sea Kittens site existing.

Tract Reviews: Some Like it Hot. This has nothing to do with girl bands, gangsters, or transvestites. However, it's basically about a man and his grandpa going to meet Satan, and he talks about himself before going to the bottom level of hell.

Issue 99

News: Free the Three!
I recentrly watched a movie about how three teenagers got implicated in a murder case. As it turns out, in 1993, there were three boys murdered in West Memphis, AK. Three boys were arrested in connection with these murders. The only pieces of evidence for their guilt: They dressed in black, listened to Metallica, dabbled in Wicca on occasion, and one of the teens was named Damien (born before The Omen unpopularized the name Damien). There was no DNA evidence supporting their guilt, and there was no evidence that any of them would have even done something to that extent. Even after defending those habits which got him implicated, and refusing to back down from the Satanic Panic at work, the three got convicted. The Satanic Panic itself should be an indicator of their innocence. There have been many incidents of Satanic Panic (mostly centred around Reagan-era preschools) in the world since the Inquisition ended in around 1834 (it had tapered off before that, but then was the official end), and virtually all of them have simply been proven to be blatantly false accuastions over the years. In the meantime, their guilt has been contested over the years (even by the victims' families, but not by the police force), and there is going to be a new trial soon in light of new DNA evidence showing that there is virtually no DNA of the "killers" on the murder weapons. Until the time cones when they reach a "not guilty" status, I must say "Free the Three!"

Band NAme of the Day: Gothic Cartoon of Evil. From a CAP report on the movie Natural Born Killers as evidence of "wanton violence" in the movie.

Film Idea of the Day: Murder Will Out. In Georgian England, two young girls discover that while the people of their village are dropping like flies, a sociopathic farmer and War of 1812 veteran may be behind the murders. After he is finally caught and sent to Bedlam, they seek to off him themselves. They fail.

Film Review of the Day: Paradise Lost. This was the film I had watched. This may be just as good a crime documentary as The Thin Blue Line was. Sure, it shows no revealing "This crime must not go unpunished, so let's punish these people we found" (not the actual words used in the film) statements like TBL did, but it shows how obvious the innocence of the West Memphis 3 was.

Quote of the Day: " Well I object to all this sex on the television. I mean I keep falling off."
_______An old lady.

Link of the Day: The official website for the WM3's second trial.

Issue 74

News: Devil Worshippers and Satanists are not the same thing.
I'm sure you have heard of devil worshippers, especially around halloween, and if you lived through the mid-eighties, I'm sure you have heard of Satanic Ritual Abuse cases, and how they were slowly shown to be hoaxes. I am also assuming that you don't differentiate between Devil Worship and Satanism. Although I am neither, I have read a lot about them (and I think I may know more about it than most Christian Anti-witchcraft activists), and I will tell you the difference between the two so that there may be no more confusion.
Devil Worshippers actually believe that the devil exists, and that the Christian God does also, but that they "just go to the other shop", unlike Christians. Apparently, he was an angel who left Heaven after an argument with God (as read in Milton's Paradise Lost) , and decided to make an alliance with mankind just to spite God.
Satanism, on the other hand, is basically a belief system which follows the "Best aspects" of Devil Worship, but not worshipping any Gods but onesself. Very few of the popular aspects of Satanism apart from unusual occult rituals remain in this version of Satanism. In short, the Satanists are basically harmless compared to their public perception, since they expressly forbid harming innocent people (expressly forbidding killing of innocent children) and animals, although animals may be killed for food or in self-defense, but under no other circumstances.

Band Name of the Day: Buddy Jesus. From the films of Kevin Smith.

Film Review: All Five of Kevin Smith's Askewniverse films.
Clerks: Dante Hicks is a convenience store clerk, and he is having a busy day, one of his ex-girlfriends is to be married, another is having a wake, he is supposed to be in a hockey game, and he's at work on his day off. Of the five films in the series, it is my least favorite, but it did lead to the creation of the other four films, and one must admire the fact that in the face of $100 million films in multiplexes, that a $23,000 film made in black and white managed to become a huge hit.
Mallrats: The first film in the series I saw, two friends seek refuge in a mall after being dumped by their girlfriends, meeting some interesting people in the process, including a man who is trying to see a sailboat in a Magic Eye poster, a 15-year-old sexologist, and Stan Lee.
Chasing Amy: This is my favorite film in the series for reasons which, and the first one to take place in a timespan of over 24 hours, a comic book writer named Holden MacNeill (an obvious Catcher ref) and a Lesbian-identifying bisexual comic book writer named Alyssa try to come to terms with the fact that they have fallen in love. Silent Bob speaks more in this film than in any other film.
Dogma: My second favorite film in the series due to its religious themes. Two fallen angels come to Earth in a complicated plan to negate the existence of the universe. They were both exiled from heaven and upon learning of the Catholic Church's restarting indulgences, they go to Jersey to get freed from their sins, get killed, and get into heaven, thus proving God wrong, and negating the Universe QED. A lapsed Catholic, the voice of God (played by Allan Rickman) and Jay and Silent Bob try to stop them.
Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back: Jay and Silent Bob find out a movie is being made of Bluntman and Chronic, the comic Book characters who were based on them and showcased in Chasing Amy. Upon learning that they will make no money from the film, and that they have been given a restraining order from the quickstop store where they usually hang out (from Clerks), they decide to go to Hollywood and prevent the movie from being made, on the way, falling in love with a Jewel thief posing as an animal rights activist and making friends with an orangutan (a subtle nod to Mallrats.)

Quote of the day: If all you bastards are on the side of Good, then Im glad to belong to the Other Shop
____Alex, from the book version of ACO.

Link of the Day: Where are they now? A listing of all the former child stars whose future you may or may not wonder about.

Issue 73

News: Harry Potter is not satanic.
This year will mark the end of the Harry Potter books franchise with the seventh book: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. One incredible rumour that has been going around about the series is that it was written for the express purpose of converting innocent kids to Satanism. Views like this can be found in the film Jesus Camp, where Becky Fisher rants about Harry Potter, claiming that "In Old Testament times He'd have been Put to DEATH!!" and in the Chick tract "The Nervous Witch", two young women are lured into Wicca (read: Jack's version of the same kind of witchcraft that the 1692 residents of Salem were killing themselves over.) Of course, upon looking at the evidence, it should be obvious that such rumours are totally false. According to Snopes.com, the rumours started with an article from The Onion (which is one of the most obviously satirical news sources on the planet) which stated that Satanism among children was on the rise due to the books, even claiming that High Priest Egan of the First Church of Satan in Salem, MS (the High priest of the FCOS is really named Allee and it is not centered in Massachussets) called Harry a "Godsend for their cause". Of course, the irony of a Satanist calling anything a "godsend" should have clued fundamentalists in even if The Onion's reputation was unknown to them. Instead, they not only believed that the story was true, but also cited it as proof that their claims are true, even adding several fake statistics, including that since 1995, the membership of the church of Satan. Of course, they often include several other statistics, like that 40 thousand children get killed yearly as part of Halloween celebrations every year, and that number is equivalent to how many people in general are murdered in this country in three years. Indeed, I'm not really sure that they know there is a difference between devil worship and Satanism. There is, and I intend to explain it later on. If anything, people should be worried about whether adults can distinguish the fantasy of Rowling's work from reality, because the kids clearly can.

Band Name of the Day: Lady Godiva's Operation: From A severely underrated song by the Velvet Underground.

Film Reviews of the Day: The Two Lolitas. I recently saw the two film versions of Lolita, Kubrick's version from 1962 and Adrian Lyne's 1997 version. I found both enjoyable as films, even though Lyne was more faithful to Nabokov's original story. Of course, this can be blamed on the Production Code, which, while on its last legs, was still in effect and would not let a truly faithful adaptation appear onscreen, consequently the entire incest plotline of the film is muted very much. Naturally, since the 1997 version wasn't tied down by the Code, it could afford to be faithful to the book, but it may have been too faithful for its own good, because it deleted many of the subtleties of the book. However, one can view Kubrick's version as the one Humbert would have casted (as Lolita was saddled with a very attractive [albeit older than specified in the book] actress, and her mother was saddled with Shelly Winters, who is decidedly less so.)

Quote of the Day: "I'm Carl Sagan. Just how old is our planet? Scientists believe that it's four HUNDREDS AND HUNDREDS OF YEARS OLD!! Scientists have determined that the universe was created by a GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODbig bang. If you look at the bones of a JAY-ZUZnosaurus rex, it's clear by the use of carbon dating that MOUNTAIN DEW IS THE BEST SODA EVAR (sic) MADE!"
____________Carl Sagan in "Cosmos: Edited for Rednecks" from Family Guy: Airport '07.

Link of the Day: The collected Coast to Coast AM calls of an insane fundamentalist named J.C. Webster.
And here are their transcripts.