Issue 19: Sox Win: Who Cares? I don't.

News- Last Wednesday, as i went to the restroom, my mother told me to watch the rest of the World Series game with her. It was the bottom of the ninth, 2 outs. The score was 1-0. The Sox won. The next day, I returned to school to find the entire school buzzing about the game. If I had a cent for every time I was asked "Are You a Sox Fan or Cubs Fan?" in the last few days, and replying "Neither. All Sports suck," then I could possibly give the Ikea guy a run gor his money (no pun intended) on his title of World's richest man. I cannot end this article without a mention of Steve Bartman, the man who caught a foul ball that cost the Cubs the World Series 2 years ago. He has recieved Death threats and hasn't left his house since, except for a reunion: At my high school. So he caught the ball. GROW UP, PEOPLE!! Can we please get on to more important matters? I would like to think we could, but it seems we cannot.
Next time on Honorificabilitudinitatibus Be S-Y-What?: I write about separation of church and state.

Film Review: My Dinneer With Andre. In this film, Andre Gregory and Wallace Shawn talk over dinner about recent happenings in their lives and society in general. Typical Art house fare: Thumbs up.

Film idea: More skits for the sketch show mentioned in issue 11.
* An episode about the making of another episode of the show, showing the cast and crew being inspired by events.
* A fake social guidance film called "So, You want to join the local Cargo Cult."
*Clean TV: people warn about the dangers of any kind of non-marital, non-missionary sex and wind up killing other people.
* A cop dresses like a Whore, and tries to ger a man to talk about paying for sex. The man is speaking only Vionestor (A language combining Nadsat, LAtin, English, and a baritone Cockney Accent, complete with frequent glottal stops.)
*The four Horsemen of the Apocalypse appear on a street, and nobody cares.
*An interviewer who interviews celebrities in a bizarre manner with frequent Freudian Slips, inappropriate bursts of laughter, and asking bizarre questions.

Quote of the Day: The funniest joke in the English language translated into German:
Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer? Ja!... Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput.
The Funniest joke in the German language translated into English:
Der ver zwei peanuts, valking down der strasse, and von vas... assaulted! peanut. Ho-ho-ho-ho.
From Monty Python's Flying Circus, episode 1. Personally I prefer the latter.

Link of the Day- http://www.humpin.org/mst3kdd/
A MST3K style Version of Dark Dungeons, reviewed in the last issue.

Tract Review: The Gay Blade- Another Anti-Gay Tract about Sodom and Gomorrah.

Gladys- Bob Williams unsuccessfully tries to convince a woman she is not a prophet. #17 in the Bible Series.

God With us- Bob successfilly helps 2 kids stop cursing. #18 in the Bible Series.

Going Home- Chick Teaches about the Aids pandemic. Surprisingly, he leaves the Catholics out of it.

Going to the Dogs- This tract, of course has nothing to do with dogs, but Ahab and Jezebel.

Gomez is coming- A hitman's brother is killed, and he comes out of prison. He is saved by being told about Jesus's persecution.

Good Ol' Boys- Bob Williams preaches about Masons and people who deny Christ. #22 in the Bible Series.

The Great Escape- No relation to the Steve McQueen film of the Same name. A suicidal man rants about the environment, and the man who rescued him also Saves him.

The Great one- A scholar's daughter tries to teach him about Christ. If I wrote this tract, I would reverse the roles.

The Greatest Story ever Told- Chick focuses on Jesus' Early life.

The Gun Slinger- A western hit man is set to massacre a church and converts. The marshal who hangs him Goes to Hell.

Happy Halloween- A boy is sacrificed to Satan on halloween. His Friend is saved by his sunday school teacher.

Happy Hour- A Booze Hound kills his wife and staggers into a church and suddenly accepts Christ.

He Never Told us- A man dies and goes to heaven. His friends are not there. He could have saved them by spreading Chick Tracts.

Here He Comes- The Finale to the Bible Series, Bob Williams talks about The Rapture.

Hi There- Some Construction workers talk about Atheism and act like idiots in the process. They also take Nietzsche out of context. THey Die and they preach IN HELL. Also, God has a face in this one!

The Hit- A vengeful wife waits 15 years to kill the mob boss who did her family in. He turns her on to Jesus.

The Holocaust- Was a Catholic inquisition against Jews, or at least that's what the tract says. A survivor is Saved.

Holy Joe- A soldier is ridiculed for being a christian, but he Saves his Sergeant.

How to Get Rich- A man's fortune is stolen, and he learns to take his fortunes to heaven.

Humbug- Chick retells Dickens' A Christmas Carol, with Scrooge being saved.

The Hunter- How Drug Workers work for Satan, except for the ones that supply the pot for Chick, so he can write tracts like these.

In The Beginning- Earthman with Bob Williams. #1 in The Bible Series.

It's Coming- Bob Williams talks about Noah's Ark. #2 in The Bible Series.

It's The Law- A student gets an F for writing about The Ten Commandments in School. Bob Williams eventually Saves Her. #7 in The Bible Series.

Is There Another Christ- Chick warns about False Prophets.

Ivan The Terrible- about a Russian Diplomat who learns that Communism, which is against Organised Religion, was created by the Vatican.

Next Time, I will talk about K-O.