Issue 94
News: My College Application to BJU.
I am now a senior in High school, which means lots of college applications. Here's one I made up for a lark to Bob Jones University.
Dear Fundies,
I am a freethinker (or as you'd probably say, Devil Worshipper) who has been ordained in the ULC. I have never married anybody with this authority, but when I actually start to marry people, I believe that homosexuals and interracial couples have as much of a right to misery as heterosexuals. I am also a Rock n Roller who plays guitar and sing. Some of my favorite songs are about religion, such as Billy Joel's "Only the Good Die Young", Depeche Mode's "Blasphemous Rumours", Jethro Tull's "Wind Up", John Lennon's "Imagine", Bob Dylan's "With God on Our Side", etc. I was raised Lutheran and Currently go to a Catholic school. It is my firm belief that Nietzsche was right when he said that if we excluded all those Christians who messed up Christ's message beyond recognition, we would exclude everybody with the exception of Christ himself. Also, I estimate that most of my wardrobe is from Abercrombie and Fitch (hope you're not too shocked by that). I am also a writer, and have written about you people on an earlier edition of my blog. So, When do I get in?
Sincurely (sic) Yours,
Rev. Derek.
(Thanks to Dad for giving me the idea, but originally suggesting Billy Graham's other alma mater, Wheaton college. FYI, everything I wrote about in my blog, even the A&F clothes [The only part which doesn't apply to me], has been picked out specifically to offend the people at BJU.)
Band Name: The Iraq. From Caitlin Upton's speech below.
Film Idea: Untitled as of yet, but is a remake of Cinema Paradiso taking place mostly in Chicago from the last days of Hollywood's Golden Age to the Vietnam War, about the return of a Canadian film director to his original hometown of Chicago, where he learned about film from a projectionist until he escaped to Canada to avoid the Draft.
Film Review: Cape Fear. I just saw the 1991 remake version and I must say that Scorsese (and also DeNiro) made an enormous improvement to the original 1962 version. DeNiro's portrayal of Max Cady has improved greatly on Robert Mitchum's portrayal (in my opinion, turning from a proto-parrothead with a strange fixation on violence to a pure sociopath.) Curiously, I find Peck's original portrayal to be better than Nick Nolte.
Quote of the Day: "I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some, uh, people out there in our nation don't have maps and, uh, I believe that our, uh, education like such as, uh, South Africa and, uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and, I believe that they should, uh, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., uh, or, uh, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future, for our [children]."
________________Caitlin Upton, Miss Teen South Carolina 2007.
Link of the Day: A site inspired by Caitlin's speech.
I am now a senior in High school, which means lots of college applications. Here's one I made up for a lark to Bob Jones University.
Dear Fundies,
I am a freethinker (or as you'd probably say, Devil Worshipper) who has been ordained in the ULC. I have never married anybody with this authority, but when I actually start to marry people, I believe that homosexuals and interracial couples have as much of a right to misery as heterosexuals. I am also a Rock n Roller who plays guitar and sing. Some of my favorite songs are about religion, such as Billy Joel's "Only the Good Die Young", Depeche Mode's "Blasphemous Rumours", Jethro Tull's "Wind Up", John Lennon's "Imagine", Bob Dylan's "With God on Our Side", etc. I was raised Lutheran and Currently go to a Catholic school. It is my firm belief that Nietzsche was right when he said that if we excluded all those Christians who messed up Christ's message beyond recognition, we would exclude everybody with the exception of Christ himself. Also, I estimate that most of my wardrobe is from Abercrombie and Fitch (hope you're not too shocked by that). I am also a writer, and have written about you people on an earlier edition of my blog. So, When do I get in?
Sincurely (sic) Yours,
Rev. Derek.
(Thanks to Dad for giving me the idea, but originally suggesting Billy Graham's other alma mater, Wheaton college. FYI, everything I wrote about in my blog, even the A&F clothes [The only part which doesn't apply to me], has been picked out specifically to offend the people at BJU.)
Band Name: The Iraq. From Caitlin Upton's speech below.
Film Idea: Untitled as of yet, but is a remake of Cinema Paradiso taking place mostly in Chicago from the last days of Hollywood's Golden Age to the Vietnam War, about the return of a Canadian film director to his original hometown of Chicago, where he learned about film from a projectionist until he escaped to Canada to avoid the Draft.
Film Review: Cape Fear. I just saw the 1991 remake version and I must say that Scorsese (and also DeNiro) made an enormous improvement to the original 1962 version. DeNiro's portrayal of Max Cady has improved greatly on Robert Mitchum's portrayal (in my opinion, turning from a proto-parrothead with a strange fixation on violence to a pure sociopath.) Curiously, I find Peck's original portrayal to be better than Nick Nolte.
Quote of the Day: "I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some, uh, people out there in our nation don't have maps and, uh, I believe that our, uh, education like such as, uh, South Africa and, uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and, I believe that they should, uh, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., uh, or, uh, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future, for our [children]."
________________Caitlin Upton, Miss Teen South Carolina 2007.
Link of the Day: A site inspired by Caitlin's speech.
Labels: Religious Right
posted by DerekAxe at 11:12 AM
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