Honorificabilitudinitatibus be S-Y-What?

Issue 201

2012-01-11T21:08:00.000-06:00

News: The Ten Best Books of (the many I read in the second half of) 2011.
Well, it's been a total of two months since I last posted, so I've decided that I'll write another list of books: this time, I'll cover the ones I thought were the best I read in the last six months of last year. Admittedly, the selection pool this time is much shallower than last time; I've had much less time to actually read, due to my new life in Columbia: I've had to turn in a 5-page story every week for four months, so I had much less leisure time to just read. For what it's worth, in my reading queues, I have two books which I hope could put into the next year's queue: The History of Love by Nichole Krauss, and The Life of Pi by Yann Martel.

10. I am a Genius of Unspeakable Evil and I Want to Be Your Class President by Josh Lieb.
For some reason, I wound up getting interested in this book during the summer even though I didn't get it in the previous year plus it was out. Anyway, when I was in Door County, I actually found a copy of the book in a bookstore in Bailey's Harbor. When it finally came up in my reading queue, I wound up enjoying it, as I knew I would; in the way Josh Lieb portrays his main character as being dim to everyone else, but is, in reality, an evil genius, he recalls, of all people, Jim Thompson's Lou Ford, the sheriff who seems a bit slow on the uptake, but is, in reality, a genius prone to going off on tangents related to people who are obscure to the target audience (well, at least more teenagers know who Captain Beefheart is than pulp fiction readers in the 1950s knew who Emil Kraeplin was.) The reason I put it so low on the list? The ending. In the end, instead of giving a speech explaining why the main character wants people to vote for him, he goes off on a big speech talking about how he's realised that all elections are just one big popularity contest. True as that may be, Josh Lieb has been building up a big climax, and all we get is this speech? This has to be the most disappointing ending to a book that I've ever read.

9. Silas Marner by George Eliot
I first read this book when I was a kid who loved the way Wishbone did it, but for whatever reason, I decided to revisit the book in October. I must admit that the big reason that this book made the list at all was because it was there for me at the right time: around the time I rediscovered it, I had to find a way to make a photo-roman: a selection of images that tells a story, and I was at an impasse; my previous two assignments were difficult enough, but to add to that, I had to create a big story; I decided to create a very loose adaptation of this book. Silas was a private accountant, Eppie was a dog, and Silas did end up getting his money back.

8. The Psychopath Test by Jon Ronson.
A couple years ago, I saw a film called The Men Who Stare at Goats, and, as it turned out, it was based on a true story chronicled by a journalist named Jon Ronson. Recently, he wrote another book, in an area I find very interesting: mental illness. He wrote this relatively short book about psychopathy, and looked in a lot of places; from old psychological experiments, to Bob Hare and his split with the psychiatric community, to a young McMurphy type who is a psychopath, to the Scientologists who want him freed to possibly psychopathic CEOs to 9/11 Truthers who claim to be the Messiah. He ends up with more questions than answers, but even still, it is very informative.

7. Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer
I have a great variety of sources that I consult to see just what books I should put into my reading queue, and one of them is from the Art of Manliness, which has a list of 100 books every man should read. I've read 72 of them, and one of them is Into the Wild. What I found truly interesting about this book is the fact that Krakauer is able to spin the tragic story of Christopher McCandless in a way that is somehow both detached and sympathetic; Krakauer, as an outdoorsman who would, a couple years later, climb Everest, can definitely feel what McCandless sought in the Alaskan wilderness, but, at the same time, he knew that he was a fool for trying with so few supplies.

6. Like Water For Chocolate by Laura Esquivel
I have a book recommendation service online and, for a couple months, the program had decided to put this in my recommendations list. I decided to give it a miss until I decided to listen to the audiobook, and I was quite impressed, although if not for the fact that I had been assigned another multi-generational Latin American woman family saga (Cristina Garcia's Dreaming in Cuban) made me realise how good it was. The characters are interesting, a lot's at stake, and the plot was interesting.

5. Chronicle of a Death Foretold by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
I'd been thinking of reading this book for a while, and when I decided to actually get it, I was really amazed. I had read three of Garcia Marquez' books this year (the other two being Memories of my Melancholy Whores and One Hundred Years of Soliutude), but this is really his best work. It's no wonder that the year after he had this published, he got the Nobel Literature Prize. In fact, I am seriously considering, if I ever end up as a filmmaker, adapting this into a film, and not just any film, a Spaghetti Western. The deconstruction of conservative values and unsympathetic main characters do seem like they would work well with the genre.

3 and 4. Look Me In the Eye by John Elder Robison, and Born on a Blue Day by Daniel Tammet.
The Autism Spectrum: its forms are legion. That's one thing that really makes autism spectrum disorders interesting to me (apart from the fact that I have one), and certainly what makes reading about Autism Spectrum Disorders interesting; it can have very different effects on the lives of different people. For instance, in John Robison's story, he wound up as a high school dropout who made a living working on electronics and touring with KISS. Meanwhile, there's Daniel Tammet; he has a savant syndrome, and broke the world record for reciting the digits of pi, and runs a language learning software. And then, there's Christian Weston Chandler, and the less said about him the better. As for the books, on the one hand, it's easier for me to identify with Robison (no doubt due to the fact that Tammet is both gay and Christian, and I can't see the point to memorising pi to several thousand digits when 39 digits is enough to calculate the circumference of a circle the size of the known universe with a margin of error the size of a hydrogen atom.) On the other hand, Tammet does have an extremely clear and concise writing style that does the job of describing what goes on in his head extremely well.

2. The Essential Schopenhauer by Arthur Schopenhauer.
I think I've mentioned before that I consider Arthur Schopenhauer to be my favourite philosopher. If I haven't, well, now you know. There's not much material that's new to me; indeed, there's quite a bit of overlap with Penguin's Essays and Aphorisms. But the fact is that there's not a lot of Schopenhauer's writing that's publicly available in book form (at least not in a form that you don't have to pay far out the ass for), but this is definitely one of the better compilations.

1. The Instructions by Adam Levin.
It's a book I've been wanting to read for a while, primarily because the sheer size of its paperback edition struck me. But then, I looked into the plot synopsis. In essence, it's sort of like Lindsay Anderson's If, if that were set in a Chicago-area primary school. And the idea of a revolutionary drama set in a public school is an idea I have long considered toying with, but after reading this book, I know that I can find a way to make such a story work without having the story remind one too much of Columbine.

Chick Tract Review: Here Comes the Judge. So, it looks like Jack's come full circle. In one of his early tracts, he put a "Here Come de Judge" reference (which shows how long he's been in the game), and now it's the title of his latest tract. It's a really incoherent tale of corruption. A judge hires a man killed for reasons never fully explained, and frames his wife on both murder and drug charges. For some reason, the governor has a guy put a hit out on the judge through video monitors. It's like The Wire, but even less coherent. But then, the judge's butler goes into his hospital room and talks to him about Jesus, including the bit about Revelation. After being rebuffed, the judge finally gets killed. Overall, it's a goddamn mess of a tract.

You, too, can be a rebel with neither a cause nor an effect.
Never take anything the Ultimate Warrior says seriously.
There is no such thing as a “Siamese Pecker.” Nor should there be.
Just because Debbie Gibson and Tiffany have made a movie together does not mean they'll finally make the video of them going gay that Bill Hicks suggested they do 20 years ago.
Just because Bill Hicks' material has aged better than any comedian who dealt with topical issues 20 years ago has any right to doesn't mean that he is a physical manifestation of some God.
It is too late to seek out Billy Mays and have gay sex with him.
If David Icke is right and the world is secretly ruled by lizard men, they must be headquartered in Los Angeles.
Some people apparently can sleep without showing any signs of life.
People tend to take the news that you have a history of going into fugue states and threatening people's lives pretty well.
Regardless of what Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon may imply, The Chinese are still subject to the laws of gravity.
No self-respecting American film studio will ever pick up a film made in Esperanto, specifically designed to make as little sense as humanly possible entitled Death To America, no matter how steeped in cinematic history the script may be.
Charlize Theron is the only real African-American star in the film business today.
Telling white people who have done good things for you that they are a credit to their race will not get them to think critically about race relations.
If Trent Reznor can win a Grammy for singing a song about fisting, who knows how long it'll be before necrophilia becomes mainstream.
Film was at its best in the 1970s.
Happiness is smoking hashish out of a human skull.
The platform of the Republican Party is not “The Gun is Good, the Penis is Evil.”
Back up your hard drive.
It is, in fact, possible for an author to completely screw up even the most basic aspects of Earthly existence.
It is still possible for a thirty-year old Jewish Princess to become the very embodiment of lolicon.
Just because something really absurd happened in real life doesn't make it automatically believable fiction.
Owning a Hutu machete is not braggable.
Somdomy of the dead stall be the whole of the lawr!
Sometimes, theatre directors really just don't care.
To some people, any sentence spoken in German is indistinguishable from the words “Sieg Heil!”

Issue 200

2011-11-11T10:30:00.001-06:00

There will be four parts to this piece. The first part will be a response to something I've recently discovered, the second part of this will be the latest installment of my list of favourite books, and, as a breather, I will include a review of Jack Chick's latest tract, and the next 25 in my list of life lessons

Part 1: William Lane Craig.
You may not know this guy's name, but apparently, he's considered a leading evangelical theologian. Granted, he's not responsible for any bestsellers on the order of Rick Warren's Purpose-driven life, people have recommended his writings to me in the hopes that I would believe in God again. From what I've heard, he's as well-respected as C.S. Lewis. I recently discovered that he wrote an Op-Ed piece on the morality of the accounts of genocide that are described in Exodus. He actually defended the genocide of neighboring tribes because, in his words, "the death of these children was actually their salvation." This is not a paraphrase. This was not taken out of some crucial context where Lane Craig almost immediately shoots down this strawman. If you copy those words into Google, and click "I'm feeling lucky," you will get the article in question, and there's a very good chance that you will be as shocked by this as I was. Even the Lutherans who made my formative years a living Hell at least had enough sense to know that there's something very wrong with that argument. And it gets better. In his view, it was okay to kill the Caananites because they were guilty of disobeying God's laws, and were basically bad people. When you kill innocent people (like babies or other children), they go to Heaven. From this, I must ask: when isn't it morally right to kill people? I must reiterate that William Lane Craig is not just some wild-eyed Fred Phelps wannabe who goes around the country spreading a gospel of hate, shouting down everyone he sees as being hell-bound reprobate just because they're not him or his extended family. This man is a well-read, well-published, sophisticated modern theologian that people accuse atheists of ignoring because it's more fun to pick on the whackos. Given the fact that he's fond of claiming that the existence of "objective moral values" proves the existence of God, I must ask where are the objective moral values in his own values system? He says that, if there is no God, everything is permitted, but with God, at least murder is permitted. I'd like to close this with a link to a song by John Lennon. It's not Imagine, but it's from the same album and it expresses my views of this man's moral system.

Part 2: The best books of (the many I read in the first half of) 2011.
I tried, a few weeks ago to try to see if I could get a shortlist of books I could use to create my annual list of "The best books (of the many I read in) 20XX." Including the audiobooks I've been listening to, I must have been reading no less than 100 books over the course of the year. But the shortlist had no less than 40 books as I was starting it. As of right now, there's 47 books on it, including the book I'm reading right now, World War Z. So, I decided to divide the list into two parts divided at a rather convenient point: July 1, 2011. Granted, the first part of the shortlist was still rather ungainly (28 books), but I've still been able to whittle that down to a managable number. So, without further ado, here are the top 11 books I've read in the first half of 2011.
11. Frankenstein by Mary Shelley
While the book's pacing is quite glacial, especially in comparison to the many film versions that have been obstensively based on this book, what really struck me about the book was the fact that it had a very different tone from the movies. The fact was that the book really has a great sense of tragedy that seems to be missing from the film version. Viktor Frankenstein tampers in God's domain by reanimating dead tissue and escapes responsibility by fleeing from his creation, and his monster, named Adam being the well-read (seriously; he reads Plutarch, Milton, and Goethe) monstrosity that he is, cannot be expected to be able to fit in society. Given how well-known the character of Adam is, the sheer amount that got lost in the sands of time is simply staggering. Since I've frequently mentioned the films, I should probably recommend the original 1931 James Whale film for its fame, the 1957 Hammer film for its thrills, the 1974 Mel Brooks film for its humor, the 1994 Ken Branaugh film for its fidelity (and its unintentional humor), and the Andy Warhol version for its utter insanity.
10. Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter by Seth Grahame-Smith
I have not bothered to read Seth Grahame-Smith's other works in the Pride and Prejudice with Zombies series. As a man who has a lot of stuff he'd like to read, and as a man who thinks that Mark Twain's assessment of Jane Austen was too nice (her wit is nonexistent; all praise of her character-building ability are rendered pointless when one reads Dostoevsky, whose novels routinely contain almost the entire spectrum of thought and behaviour; and everything else about her works is insufferable to the point where playing Russian Roulette seems like a be a valid, sanity-preserving alternative whenever my mother drags me to an adaptation of her works), reading those books just hasn't been that high a priority. With this book, however, I knew I had to read it, especially after Linkara gave a shout-out to the book in one of his reviews. I've been interested in Lincoln most of my life, especially after all the times I went to Springfield with my family and toured Lincoln's world. What's really impressive is how, not only is the plot interesting, the supernatural events are linked to the events of the real world in such a way that it's almost likely that there was a big coverup to hide the fact that vampires walked the Earth, but the fact is that Seth Grahame-Smith gets so much of the history correct. Granted, he may get the dynamics of slavery a little over-simplified, but in this regard, he's almost as good at historical fiction as George MacDonald Fraser was.
9. Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
When I was a member of Newspeak Dictionary, I had somehow managed to get through several years on a board devoted to politics and dystopian literature without having read Brave New World, and only having read 1984 once. For whatever reason, in February, I decided to give it a look. It was really much better than I thought it would be, and Aldous Huxley is brilliant in the way he not only builds this world where humans are born through cloning, humans are conditioned to be sex-crazed from preschool age on, and art is limited to interactive pornography, he is also brilliant in the way he is able to link those with contemporary culture. Of course, on occasion, the book shows its age: Huxley refers to the interactive skin flicks as "feelies", no doubt as an analogue to "talkies," a term that was still in parlance when the book was written, in 1931, and even the music that Huxley talks about seems to be an extension of the big band music that was popular when the book was being written. He does, however, manage to pull off the "false protagonist" device pretty effectively, even if it's not as clear as it could be when Bernard stops becoming the main character and John does.
8. Barney Ross by Douglas Century.
When the Borders stores were closing, I decided to pick this book up. I was impressed with it. I wouldn't think that I would be interested in this story of a real-life boxer, but there was really a lot to be interested in: this nice Jewish boy from Chicago starts a career as a boxer, retires after a particularly bad loss, joins the War effort, fights in Guadalcanal, gets addicted to morphine, recovers with the help of Hashem, and even tries to advocate a relatively sane drug policy. For what it's worth, his grave is in the Rosemont Park Cemetery. I'll be sure to find a good pebble for his grave before I visit.
7. Glass Menagerie by Tennessee Williams.
Unlike every other item on this list, I had to read this play for an Intro to Drama class in Oakton. I'm now in the process of writing a big essay about it in another class at Columbia. Despite the fact that I read it for class, I really loved it to the extent that I had to include it on my list. Why? Because this play is composed in such a way that it's almost perfect. Why? Just read it.
6. The Visit by Freidrich Durrenmatt
All right, I must admit that, after calling one play "almost perfect," it does seem odd putting another play immediately above it, but just hear me out. Another book I bought when the Borders stores were closing, this play is really just one that really appeals to my sensibilities even more than Tennessee Williams' does; the play is a meditation on the nature of capitalism: a small town is in the throes of poverty when a favourite daughter comes back and offers the town $1 billion on the condition that they kill a man who wronged her in her childhood. How long does it take before the town finally kills them? How much is it possible for us to laugh at the way the townspeople try to deal with the offer? Durrenmatt is one of my favourite authors for two reason: one is that he's that rarest of creatures, a postwar German novelist who doesn't talk about the Nazis, and the second is that he's basically German's Kurt Vonnegut.
5. Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut
It's very hard for me to explain just why I love this book. The fact is that it covers a lot of subjects, and does all of it in this very wry sensibility. All I can ask is why do I not read more Vonnegut?
4. Popular Crime by Bill James.
I first read about this book in an issue of Wired that was lying about my workplace. What really struck me was the fact that not only was this guy attempting a truly far-reaching history of man's fascination with crime, but the fact that he had decided to create a scale of evidences that could establish guilt. I have had no interest in his previous work, since I don't care about sports (at least I don't care about the ones that involve balls), but this book I just had to get. I wasn't disappointed. His book covers 200 years, and, although he does often gloss over serial killers, he's only got 400 pages to cover. One thing that really did disappoint me was that he didn't include a full version of his checklist of the evidence that he kept talking about and applying to criminals. Perhaps the reason this was done was because he was a little uneasy about the consequences that applying the list to the modern justice system would be. After all, he created a scale where 100 points was guilt beyond a reasonable doubt, and that was sort of like the old, medieval system, where one or two well-chosen pieces of evidence was incontrovertible proof of guilt. However, according to Bill James, even the most glaring smoking gun, DNA Evidence was only worth 80 points on a possible 100.
3. J.D. Salinger by Kenneth Slawenski.
I heard about this book soon after it came out. My parents checked it out of the college library for me, and I only got around to reading it by the time we took the train ride to New York. It's rather fitting that I spend much of the time going to New York reading about one of my favourite New York authors. With regards to the biography itself, it really does put a lot of Salinger's writings into their proper context. He even manages to summarise stories that were either unpublished, or stories that Salinger never bothered to put into book form. And, furthermore, it even puts what I did know of Salinger's life into an even better context. His habit of seclusion really made a lot of sense when you realised how much his life was ruined by paparazzi trying to intrude on it, much to the point where he actually gave out a red herring on the jacket cover of Franny and Zooey. Slawenski even made clear just why Salinger stopped publishing; after his Glass family stories were met with a collective cry of "They changed it, so now it sucks," he just got tired of it all and stopped publishing.
2. Phantom Tollbooth by Norton Juster
I read this in audiobook form (mainly as a result of some speculation that one section of Thirty H's was a shoutout to the book) during the big blizzard that happened in February. Even without Jules Feiffer's illustrations, I loved this book. On the one hand, it's a book that's rather heavy-handed with its "learning can be fun" message, but, unlike a lot of pieces that are this heavy-handed, Norton Juster really does make this book really fun to read; its characters are zany personifications of different concepts, and words and numbers are things you can eat. And now there's going to be a 50th Anniversary edition published in hardcover and that's definitely something I'd like for Christmas or my birthday.
1. Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde

This is just the single best novel I've read all year. You're probably aware of the novel's plot, you probably know how much wit is packed into it. Just go out and get it. I've already got two copies; one in paperback with an introduction by Jeffrey Eugenides, and one in hardcover that I got in a Barnes and Noble Leatherbound Classics edition.

Part 3: The Awful Truth (Tract Review)
And, once again, Jack Chick puts out his conspiracy theory of everything, and it's funny as all hell. From unintentional shout-outs to Pinky and the Brain, a scoffing Dudley Moore, he quickly goes into blaming Catholicism for all the world's woes (seriously; he believes that Islam, Communism, and Naziism were created by the Catholic Church to enslave the world). Perhaps most insanely, the Catholic Church apparently ordered the death of JFK because he chose the Constitution over Canon Law. I should probably do my own dissection of this tract, but I've currently got too much work at Columbia to try it.

Part 4:

Myxomatosis is not funny, except when it is.
Bruno Mars' “The Lazy Song” does not contain Insane Clown Posse levels of sex and violence.
Queering doesn't make the world work.
Catholic Priesting doesn't make the world work.
“Queer” is not a verb.
If not for prison rape, some people would never get laid.
Rape is never funny, except when males are the target.
If you are only attracted to men when they're unwilling, that still makes you bisexual.
U2 is the most overrated band on Earth.
The Zombie Apocalypse is the most viable political system known to man.
The Zombie Apocalypse will only work if the dead first rise in Colma, CA.
Calling yourself a lesbian trapped in a man's body does not entitle you to any of the benefits afforded to either gays or transsexuals.
This still applies no matter how many times you will admit to seeing D.E.B.S., But I'm a Cheerleader, or Heavenly Creatures, or how many times you've read Annie on My Mind.
Deutsche Kultur ist durch Amerikaner sehr interessant und unterschätzt.
Sam Shepherd once killed a man with his butt cheek power.
Some people really are that stupid.
Speaking with all the gentility that can be expected of an OxBridge professor can still be construed as rabid radicalism if the other guy disagrees with you.
“Fagpoles” is not recognised as a word by any reputable source.
Nobody who is easily offended or in any way surprised by the presence of the word “nigger” has any right to be reading novels about The South.
Cali is not short for Caligula.
Getting strung out on Heroin, listening to Joy Division, and throwing machetes at nothing in particular is no way to spend a Tuesday.
Even if you regularly get intimate with strippers of the same sex, flirt with same-sex coworkers and offer to marry a particularly butch one when Illinois legalises gay marriage, you can still consider yourself completely heterosexual if you occasionally go out with a boy you never look in the eye and align yourself with Team Jacob.
Sex and Death are both two things which happen only once in a lifetime.
Nothing improves the quality of one's music like dying.
Don't trust the judgment of anyone who seriously believes that the addition of an infant to one's life will solve any of their problems, with the possible exception of fertility.

Issue 199

2011-10-09T20:29:00.002-05:00

Note; Posting Frequency. Remember what it was like earlier? I used to post every Sunday. By the time I graduated from High School, I had posted only about three times a month. Soon it dwindled to two posts a month. Come 2011, it came down to one post a month. Now, due to my work at Columbia College, I'm somewhat surprised at the fact that I'd be able to do the one post a month. I write three 3-5 page papers every week, and I often have a major project's due date hanging over my head. If a month goes by where I don't post, dark lord forbid, don't be too surprised. Now, on to another of my rants...

News: Wanna totally lose faith in humanity? Since I started my work at Columbia, I've discovered a few stories that catch my radar. One story was about a Dutch shipbuilder who has been trying to show that the Bible is literally true by trying to build a life-sized model of Noah's Ark and taking a massive amount of measures just to make it seaworthy, including having it towed by smaller boats. Another is that, after 18 years in jail, the West Memphis 3 have finally gotten released, but only after releasing a statement that said that the prosecutor had a lot of damning evidence against them, even though, in real life, the best the prosecutor could do was that they listened to Metallica, dressed in black, and dabbled in paganism, all of which, to an extent, are qualities that apply to me. However, there's one thing that really makes my blood boil that I recently discovered: Josef Mengele Fangirls. Yes, you read that right. There are girls who are getting all hot over a Nazi War Criminal who created medical experiments so unspeakably disturbing that it even makes me wince. And yet, all over Deviantart, there are people who make fanart that makes him look like a cute little boy and photoshopped photos of him saying things like "I (heart) JM" that just serve as a place for his fangirls to drool over this monster. I can understand if there's art of him saying "Trust your doktor" with him grinning like Jack Nicholson. That's actually somewhat amusing in a Dead baby sort of way. What really disturbs me about all this is that it doesn't seem like these are just white supremacists who would deny the reality of Mengele's crimes against humanity. These seem, by all accounts, to be just normal people who seem to have a crush on a guy who liked to sew Jewish twins together. Suddenly, the mentality of Twilight fans seems less unsettling. And so, I leave you with a Bill Hicks quote:

"You know, we're f***ed up here. I tell you, Satan's gonna have no trouble taking over here 'cause all the women are gonna say: "What a cute butt." "He's Satan!" "You don't know him like I do." "He's the Prince of Darkness!" "I can change him."And I bet that's true, man. I wouldn't give Satan a snowball's chance in Hell against a woman's ego."

Film Idea: I had a dream. And it included a remake of David Cronenberg's Dead Ringers that is more utterly unhinged than the original, and in the roles that Jeremy Irons and Jeremy Irons originated, the Olsen Twins.

Link of the Day: The home of the most insightful and disturbing look into George Lucas' Star Wars Prequel Trilogy.

Meditations of Dirkus Aurelius: 51. Human relationships are often more trouble than they're worth.
52. Blood Drive workers are pretty blasé about the prospect of being a pawn in a Catholic Church-sponsored hoax.
53. The more the list goes on, the probability that anybody understands all the references I put in the first time dwindles.
54. The Doctor Clown Club will not allow you to base your clown persona on John Wayne Gacy.
55. The Doctor Clown Club will not allow you to base your clown persona on either member of the Insane Clown Posse
56. The Doctor Clown Club will not allow you to base your clown persona on Pennywise.
57. The Doctor Clown Club will not even allow you to base your clown persona on Mr. Jelly from Psychoville.
58. Audiences are not ready for a story where several plot lines hinge on an act of bestiality.
59. Do not talk about the Armenian genocide with a Turkish man.
60. Whistling Shania Twain's “Man! I Feel Like a Woman” does give away too much of the plot of The Wasp Factory.
61. Tom Waits will never get back to me about my numerous requests for him to cover “Barbie Girl” on his next album, whenver it comes out.
62. If whittling down a film idea to a few sentences, “This leads to sex” should not be the second one.
63. You cannot have sex with everything in the universe, so don't try to do so.
64. Justin Bieber is, in fact, male.
65. Colin Firth will never willingly strap a chainsaw to his groin and go hog wild in a movie.
66. Too few people appreciate singers with deep voices.
67. Sex in a car going over 90 miles an hour is just asking for trouble.
68. Sex with a car going over 90 miles an hour will not end well.
69. The number 69 is not, in and of itself, funny.
70. James Bond likes his martinis with vodka. He has also been pistol-whipped enough times that, if he was real, he would be brain-damaged. This link should be investigated further.
71. Even when we do get to the point of cloning humans, it will still take a long time to get people to have sex with their own clones.
72. The Bible does not tell you to smoke lots of pot.
73. I should not expect to have a piece of paper saying “Harry locked his mother in the closet” stay taped to the linen closet long just because my mother had a Jane Austen quote painted to the bathroom wall.
74. This applies even if the closet is too small to fit anyone in it and has no lock.
75. Religion doesn't change people. It just makes them more of the same person they already were.

Issue 198

2011-09-05T18:36:00.001-05:00

News: My Mensis Horribilis. Things have not been easy for me since my family and I got back from Door County. A few days after we left for our yearly 2-week vacation in Door County, we heard reports about flooding around where I lived. The woman who was house-sitting for us at the time claimed that our house was not affected. However, it turned out that she only said that because she couldn't actually access the house itself. We arrived to find an odd smell coming from the basement, and we managed to find that the carpet was moist, there was mold on the walls and that some boxes of magazines that I had put on the floor had gotten damaged. Fortunately, I managed to get them all into the attic and I managed to save them all, with nary a sign of mold on any of them. That said, it seems like at least one magazine is M.I.A.: A 2005 issue of Guitar Player with Paul McCartney on the cover, which leads to another unfortunate thing that happened: It turned out that on August 1, we had two important things happening the same day that we had to go downtown for, but with all that was going on, we could do neither: One was to go to my orientation for Columbia College and the other was to go to the Paul McCartney concert that was happening at Wrigley Field. We had to reschedule the orientation (they had a last-ditch orientation date on the 29th, and I managed to get a class schedule put together in the meantime), and I had to miss out on seeing Paul McCartney live for the fourth time in my life. Given that, in all likelihood, I would have been dragged to the Chicago Diner (a place of which I have made my views abundantly clear a few blog entries ago), I think it might not be as bad as I thought it would be. Later, we had to move everything that was in the basement into the POD that we had rented specifically for the occasion. It was difficult directing a crew of six on the right way to clear the basement, and it was shocking to see them removing the carpet and large parts of the walls, and it was even more difficult getting everything in the pod by myself. Of course, even getting the basement in a condition where we could clear the pod was difficult, considering my mother's changing ideas on how to paint the floor, and the paint company's apparently giving two different shades of blue the same name. At one point, I managed to get a DVD copy of the play of mine that had been performed while I was in Wisconsin, and while I must say that the cops did pretty well, the homeless man somehow managed to think that the character was supposed to be a leprechaun. I have since revised this play in the hopes that this mistake is never repeated. Then, after all that was done, two things managed to break down. The first was my clothes dryer, which was fixed easily enough by a repairman, and then the second was my laptop: I accidentally dropped it and, while at first, it seemed to be fine (even if my internet browser did stall occasionally), it kept asking for a diskcheck, and so, I decided to do it. The diskcheck wound up going on for almost two days and, by the end of it, Windows managed to stop working completely on the computer, and we had to remove the hard drive. At work, some guys that Dad worked with claimed that nothing could be removed from it, but, as of now, he has managed to move my emails, my bookmarks, my MP3s, and my documents (although I haven't uploaded the former two on my backup laptop), and even though he has yet to get several folders, (the downloads [which contains the complete Ricky Gervais show podcasts], the pictures, and the videos) off the hard drive yet, this means that, unlike what I feared, the new feature I had put on the blog will not be stopped after just one installment. I honestly hope that, in the next few days, Dad can get everything else off of the hard drive that needs to be taken off it. Film Review: The Guard. This is the film debut of John Martin McDonagh, the brother of Martin McDonagh, a playwright/film director whom I think may be one of the greatest living playwrights (certainly one of the best under 50), and the film is still in very much the same style as his brother's work: Irishmen curse up a storm and commit violence. Hilarity and Tragedy ensue. In this case, Brendan Gleeson (Harry Potter's Mad-Eye Moody) plays a sleazy cop with a tendency to steal from dead people (his opening scene has him raiding the pockets of the victim of a car crash for a tab of LSD), play arcade games instead of working, and taking days off to have sex with hookers. He is paired with a straight-laced FBI agent (played by Don Cheadle) to capture the drug smugglers who (we eventually find out) killed his partner. Meanwhile, despite having a subplot about the lead character's mother dying, the movie is actually quite hilarious. One scene in particular had me in stitches; on Gleeson's day off, Cheadle sets off to Connamera on his own to question the locals. Nobody told him that in Connamera, nobody speaks English, and he doesn't speak any Gaelic. In a moment of desperation, he actually questions a horse whether he saw anything or not. Meditations of Dirkus Aurelius Part II: 26.Just because there are no laws on the books against necrophilia doesn't mean that you are immune from getting stuck with some charge.27.I cannot convince anyone that any incident that I do not wish to hear about is a dream.28.Any film that has two girls snogging automatically has one redeeming feature.29.Filling an artificial vagina with hair chafes like hell. 30.Australians do not need you to remind you that every living thing on the island can kill you, the sheep included.31.There are better things to make fun of the Mormons for than long underwear.32.Renee Zellweger is, in fact, female. 33.“Try the cock, you know where it's been,” is not one of the ten commandments.34.It takes hard work to create a Black Ops squad to do things that make no sense whatsoever.35.Sam Shephard is the Chuck Norris of American Playwrights.36.The more improbable the deed, the less likely you are to be punished.37.The thin breadknife in the basement is not a machete.38.If crossdressing, please try to make as little sense as possible.39.“Fuck Robots, dahl-ink” is not a good slogan for anything.40.More of this is true than you want to know.41.If we take the time to get to know them, we would all find a lot of reasons to hate everyone else.42.Nobody knows who Alexander Nevsky is, so try to not reference him too much.43.Fish are not a lethal weapon when used on dry land.44.Unless otherwise noted, all bishops will be presumed to believe in God.45.Having a big pecker is not necessarily a good thing.46.Anything that makes my mother uneasy is automatically a good thing.47.Mentioning Richard Gere's Breathless in front of a film buff may be hazardous for your health.48.Just because I can legally perform marriages doesn't necessarily mean I have to approve of them.49.Lesson #2 still applies even if it's put in a phial with the directions to the nearest sperm bank attached to it.50.Americans do not tend to get British spelling.

Issue 197

2011-08-10T14:24:00.002-05:00

News: Laurel and Hardy are finally coming to DVD.
You may remember that last month, I made a list of the funniest movies, in my opinion. Of course, I made a few mentions of comedians/films I loved that I omitted from the list, and five stick out in my mind.
1) Woody Allen. As I mentioned, I had a lot of trouble narrowing it down to one good, representative film, and I was torn between five of these films.
2) The Ruling Class. I removed this film from the list mainly because it was unavailable at the Skokie Public Library, and, for a 1-disc, $40 DVD, it's pretty hard to find in the flesh world, but I strongly suggest that my readers seek it out.
3) Mel Brooks. I honestly don't know what happened there. I would have chosen Blazing Saddles if I managed to get it on the list, and recommended virtually all of his other films (except for Life Stinks.)
4)Buster Keaton. I love his works, but I still think that Chaplin is a better comedian. I still recommend The General.
5)Laurel and Hardy. Why did I forget to put them on the list? Because of their checkered history with DVD.
Until fairly recently, there were only a few DVD releases of their films, and here are my summations of what was available on Disc:
*TCM Archives: This two-disc set contains Fra Diavolo and Bonnie Scotland. Unfortunately, these films are definitely not their better works. Unlike the Marx Brothers, Laurel and Hardy's films do not work as well when they're not the main focus.
*Laurel and Hardy Collection Vols. 1-2: These films are, in fact, widely considered among the worst of their careers. Somehow, these films were given a big boxed set treatment before their classic works with Hal Roach.
*March of the Wooden Soldiers: This film got a colourised DVD release from Legend films. Unfortunately, the nursery-rhyme themed work does not at all jibe well with the rest of their filmography.
*Flying Deuces. This film is in Public Domain, and, as a result, it has been given quite a lot of DVD releases, and the best one is, without a doubt, the edition by Kino, at a cheap (for them) $15. However, the film is not really that good, and the film's darker tone (they narrowly escape execution by firing squad only to have their plane crash) just doesn't work well with their pure slapstick comedy.
*The Lion's Gate edition of Sons of the Desert. This, unlike the others does contain a lot of the duo's best works, including Sons of the Desert, which would have been my own pick, if the film was on DVD, and Music Box, one of their best shorts. The problems? One: The picture quality of the DVD is abysmal, bordering on unwatchable. Two: It's out of print, and it sells for obscenely high prices (the lowest price I've seen on Amazon is $31 used, despite selling for $15 new.)

All this has changed with the recent announcement that RHI entertainment is putting out a 10-disc boxed set which covers all their films (except for the films in the first four DVD editions described) from the advent of sound film in Hal Roach Studios in 1929 to their last feature film for Hal Roach, Saps at Sea in 1940. For what it's worth, there was another DVD boxed set of all of their films until 1940, which, curiously enough, also omitted the same feature films as the new set, but also included the silent shorts they made together and colourised versions of the sound films, which, of course, made the European boxed set heftier. Of course, the loss of the silent films isn't too bad for me, because I, and, indeed, most fans, prefer the sound films.
However, I am still somewhat miffed by the fact that they removed the colourised versions, and unlike a lot of film buffs, I tend to have a nuanced view of film colourisation, and, while I know a lot of old Black and White Films don't work well in colour (I saw a colourised version of The Maltese Falcon, and the colour worked about as well as you would expect.) However, some films don't really lose much when colour is added, and Laurel and Hardy's films are among them.
Going back to the original topic, lack of colourised versions aside, it looks like this boxed set would, in fact, be an excellent addition to anyone's DVD collection.

In the meantime, if anyone wants to know my Laurel and Hardy Recommendations:
Shorts: Night Owls, Another Fine Mess, Berth Marks, Laughing Gravy, Helpmates, The Music Box, Them Thar Hills, Tit For Tat.
Features: Sons of the Desert, Chump at Oxford, Saps at Sea.

Film Idea: A sitcom about a high school academic bowl, specifically about the relationship between the coach (I'm currently thinking of an actor with an Estuary accent for some reason) and the five eccentric members of his team:
*A biology/life sciences specialist with a habit of dressing in odd costumes.
*A chemistry/math/physics guy who sleeps with anything that moves.
*A Generalist with Asperger's syndrome who struggles to fit into society.
*A hot-headed History guy with a specific love for the American Civil War who is prone to threatening violence on anything.
*The sports person, a chirpy lesbian with a love for bunnies.

Meditations of Dirkus Aurelius

I, Derekaxe, being of sound mind and body (as far as either of my parents care to know), and having reached the age of 21, have decided to share some of the many lessons I have learned in my life. Be forewarned that many of these lessons get dark and downright insane.

1.Never underestimate the possibility that both sides of a given conflict are beyond redemption.
2.Very few charities will accept sperm as a donation, even if it is worth more than they've raised all day.
3.There is no such thing as “The Song that Ends The Earth,” so quit trying to write it.
4.Using rabies to go back in time to become your entire male line of ancestors only works in Chuck Palahniuk novels.
5.Using rabies to go back in time to become both your entire male and female line of ancestors doesn't even work in Chuck Palahniuk novels.
6.None of Van Morrison's songs have actual lyrics.
7.Jumping into the shark tank at the Shedd Aquarium is a bad idea, especially when you're nude and fully aroused.
8.Stephenie Meyer will never allow a spin-off to Twilight where Bella dies and Edward and Jacob bond over drinks and realise how much they've been wasting their times with her to exist.
9.Do not expect people to agree with you that Thirty H's is one of the great short stories of all time, right up there with “A Good Man is Hard to Find,” “The Overcoat,” “Hills like White Elephants,” and “A Perfect Day For Bananafish.”
10.It was not Aquinas who said that the best things in life were “to crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentations of their women.”
11.The stars and planets do not heave through the void just to be “skewer't bypon ourn fagpoles.”
12.No matter how similar their shows are, HLN will never combine Jane Velez-Mitchell's and Nancy Grace's shows into one show called “Two Hours' Hate.” That would make too much sense.
13.Whenever you are in a hurry, the hounds of Hell will come to do everything they can to slow everything down.
14.Do not expect to be able to get a vegan to eat meat.
15.This goes triple if you've baked somebody who wronged them into a pie.
16.The Olsen twins will never sign on to a remake of Dead Ringers with themselves in Jeremy Irons' roles.
17.Doing a bad Billy Conolly impression somehow causes people to understand you more than speaking normally. Nobody knows why.
18.80% of all transvestites are heterosexuals. Don't expect anyone to acknowledge this fact.
19.Some people are sexually attracted to anything, whether animal, vegetable, or mineral, many of whom are Dwarfs.
20.Drilling a hole in the ground and humping it does not count as having sex with the planet Earth.
21.“Devourer of Worlds” is not a title that you can add to the end of your name.
22.Do not expect to be able to get away with saying anything is against your religion if you just created it.
23.There is No Spoon.
24.Do not claim that you have come up with things that cause David Lynch to scream like a little girl until you've actually met him.
25.No matter how much you may think your life sucks, there is always somebody who has it worse. His name is Christian W. Chandler and he lives in Ruckersville, VA.

Issue 196

2011-07-12T10:31:00.002-05:00

News: Top 15 funniest films (with honorable mention).
Last week, I met someone I knew from school at the library. We were in the video section, specifically comedy section, and he asked if I had any recommendations for comedic films. I ended up choosing "Serial Mom." As of that moment, I decided that I would create a list of my favourite comedies in case I ever met with him again. I have chosen one film from each of my favourite comedians because, otherwise I would never have been able to narrow it down, but in some cases, other recommendations by the same people are given.

Honorable Mention. Sophie's Choice.
Yes, I do genuinely love this film, especially because it is genuinely disturbing in ways that so many Holocaust films fail to be (even Polanski couldn't help but try to spin an inspiring tale of survival out of one of the most horrific events in human history. You may well ask, Why am I putting a film where a woman is forced to choose which of her kids should live in a list of my funniest films? The answer is actually relatively simple: The sections about the Holocaust only occur in about the last third of the film, and it is for its first two thirds that I put it on this list. There are two characters whose performances are funny enough to put it on this list: Kevin Kline, whose performance as Nathan is almost exactly the same as the performance he would use a few years later in A Fish Called Wanda (which I will cover later in the list), and Stingo's erstwhile love interest Leslie, who is a woman who puts up a pose as a foul-mouthed sex maniac to hide how frigid she really is, wouldn't be out of place in a Woody Allen film (He is not covered later in the list, as I couldn't choose between five of his films: Manhattan, Annie Hall, Sleeper, Hannah and Her Sisters, and Love and Death.)

15. Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theaters
I must admit that I am a big fan of Adult Swim, and when it turned out that one of their flagship series has been given a film, I knew I had to see it. As it turned out, unlike a lot of TV shows that got adapted to film, very little of what got into the film would seem too out of place in the series itself, and, impressively for a show with 11-minute episodes, it doesn't feel like there's any real attempt at padding. That said, it's pretty much impossible to recommend it to people because, on the one hand, if you're not already a fan of the series, you won't become a convert, but on the other hand, if you are already a fan, you'll probably have either seen it or want to do so.

14. Kung Pow: Enter the Fist
In 2002, Steve Oedekerk found an old kung fu flick where a guy managed to weather several kicks to the groin. He liked it so much that he decided to insert himself into the movie (it actually kind of works, believe it or not), and create a whole new script which consists of the characters making odd noises and saying the most insane lines imaginable. Just one example: "I have been called bad before. Many have said I do things that are not correct to do. I don't believe in talk such as this. I am nice man, with happy feelings. All of the time. First, a joke. What do you get when you cross an owl with a bungee cord? My ass." Warning: This film is incredibly polarizing. People either love it for its complete insanity or hate it for those exact reasons.
Other recommendations: All Thumbs. It is a collection of several short films that Oedekerk made around the same time as he was making this film, where several famous films were parodied with a cast made entirely of thumbs.

13. The Butcher Boy
This movie is shelved in the "Drama" section of my local library, and it would seem, for the first half hour, anyway, to be like a lot of Neil Jordan's other films, about life in Ireland during the Troubles, but after Francie, our hero, breaks into his friend's house, the film goes completely off the rails as he starts hallucinating and pretending he is a pig, getting caught by his friend's mother crapping on the floor. By the end of the film, he is on a first-name basis with the Virgin Mother, has survived a nuclear holocaust, and killed said friend's mother Charlie Manson-style.
Other Recommendations: While I did mention that the director made other works, none of them even come close to this level of hilarity or insanity, although many of his other works, including The Crying Game, are quite good.

12. Catch Me If You Can.
I'm normally not that big a fan of Steven Spielberg's movies, but I actually like quite a few of them, but quite honestly, this film, one of his more underrated films, is probably the only one of his films which I really love. Unlike the previous three films on this list, it's not really that insane. What I really find interesting, and even quite amusing, is how easily a sixteen-year old manages to gain a job as a pediatrician, lawyer, and airline pilot simultaneously and even manages to hold on to all three for several years. Of course, having Christopher Walken as the dad really helps make the film funny. Also, this includes one of my favourite court scenes in a film.

11. A Shot in the Dark.
Peter Sellers is widely considered to be one of the funniest people to ever maintain a presence on the silver screen, and, as it turns out, The Pink Panther series is one of the best showcases he was ever given for his comedic talents. Of all the films in the series, the second, A Shot in the Dark, is, hands down, the best, because, among many other reasons, Sellers is, in fact, the star of this one (the first one has him only as a relatively small character). In theory, there were nine films in the series, but four of them were made without Sellers, and three after his death in a desperate attempt by Blake Edwards to prove that he was really the one responsible for the film's popularity, and not Sellers. For what it's worth, there was a reboot a few years ago, but it's not really that good.
Other Recommendations: The other four Pink Panther films that Sellers made (including The Pink Panther, Return, Revenge, and Strikes Again), Dr. Strangelove, and Being There.

10. Bratz
When I saw the trailer for this film before Harry Potter 5, I knew that this had to be utterly ridiculous, but eventually, I managed to see it, and only then did I manage to notice how utterly insane this film is. Like Buster Keaton's featurette Sherlock Jr. (A film which is not on the list as a consequence of shortening the list down), almost every second is either devoted to something utterly hilarious or is leading up to something. Of course, in the case of Bratz, the laughs are almost entirely unintentional. What kind of things am I talking about here? Here's a few: a Hispanic family which inexplicably has a live-in mariachi band, a girl changing her outfit out in the open, students who dress like dinosaurs, the popular girl brandishing a sword in her own office (which she apparently has), and, as you might expect from a movie based on fashion dolls, insanely unnecessary makeovers. No, I'm not making any of this up.

9. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.
Is there anybody who doubts that there is really much of a point to explaining why I would be into this sort of film? In essence, the film is roughly two hours of Johnny Depp and Benecio del Toro acting completely out of their gourds. How could that fail? It may be possible, but it certainly doesn't happen.
Other Recommendations: An adaptation of Hunter Thompson's novel The Rum Diary, also starring Johnny Depp has actually been made, and is currently scheduled for an October release. It may be saner, but it may be quite good.

8. Plan 9 From Outer Space
This film is widely considered to be one of the worst films of all time, and also the epitome of "So Bad it's Good." I tend to lean towards the latter, because the movie is way too entertaining to be considered the worst film ever. Here's the plot: two aliens in a spaceship made of paper plates decide to avert the creation of a bomb that can blow up particles of light, which would lead to the destruction of the universe. They do so by going to a cemetery and resurrecting two dead people, one of whom is played by Bela Lugosi except when he's not. All those two dead people do is wander around that cemetery and kill a police officer, and make him one of them. Eventually, two other cops go up to the spaceship and the aliens explain everything. Shortly afterward, they leave.
Other recommendations: Glen or Glenda and Bride of the Monster were made by the same guy, and a biopic titled Ed Wood was made by Tim Burton about the making of those films. Of course, a similarly ridiculous film is 1938's Reefer Madness, which is probably a better companion piece.

7. Modern Times
I must admit that this film holds a particular hold on my heart (reading about him made me want to get into film), but the main reason I only gave it #7 is that, according to many people, Chaplin's own sentimental style doesn't hold up very well. Although, that said, he actually does sentimentality much better than most filmmakers, even Steven Speilberg, and even then, he manages to put a lot of priceless bits into the film, from his going into a machine to tighten the nuts on the inside, while it's still operating, stopping a jailbreak while on cocaine that he accidentally ate, and even the rollerblading scene where he manages to evade falling off a ledge blindfolded several times.
Other Recommendations: While any of his films between 1921-1952 (with the possible exception of The Circus and the definite exception of A Woman of Paris), are, in my opinion, essential viewing, only Modern Times and The Great Dictator (wherein he takes on Hitler) are currently in print.

6. Borat
Of the many comedians I've talked about here, Sasha Baron Cohen is one of the very few (with the possible exception of Williams Street, who made #15, and Edgar Wright, who will be talked about below) who appears to currently be in the prime of his career. The fact is that Baron Cohen made his name on television giving interviews with three different alter egos: Ali G, a wigger who is incredibly dense, Borat, a Kazakh journalist whose humour derives from the vast differences between his culture and that of the West, and Bruno, an Austrian fashionista who interviews mainly show business figures and people who would not be very comfortable with his homosexuality. Each character is known to use their personae to paint a less than flattering portrait of the people they interview, and each character had a film devoted to them. Ali G's was, hands down, the worst, due to its complete genre shift, and Bruno's film was still quite funny and far more psychologically revealing for American Culture (as the commentary for that film will underscore), but in terms of sheer funny, Borat's film was definitely the best, and part of the reason for this is, despite all the bigotry that Borat displays towards blacks, women, and Jews (which Baron Cohen is), it's evident that the character is actually pretty good-natured. And despite the fact that all three characters have been retired, it seems like he's still going strong.
Other Recommendations: As mentioned before, I also liked the Bruno movie, and as it turns out, he's also making a film based on a novel by, of all people, Saddam Hussein.

5. Hot Fuzz
This film was the third collaboration of Edgar Wright (director and writer) and Simon Pegg (Star and writer), a team which has probably been the most popular and best thing to come out of British comedy since Monty Python (and any of its spin-off projects, which I will talk about below). This film's particular target is police movies, and what really struck me about this film was that, not only did they reference many cop movies, and deconstruct many of the elements that are in them, but that they managed to do a lot of research about what the police actually do, but that they managed to incorporate an insane amount of things that they learned about it(Yes, Nicholas Angel is probably one of the only movie cops who would actually do well on the force). And considering that around the same time, Seltzer and Friedberg were working on several films which focused on "parodying" movies without doing any more research than watching their trailers, so, considering that Edgar Wright and Simon Pegg managed to do all the work that they did and still make the whole film a laugh riot shows that filmmakers like Seltzer and Friedberger have no excuse.
Other Recommendations: Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright have also collaborated on the zombie film Shaun of the Dead, and the TV series Spaced, and will both work with Steven Spielberg on the upcoming Tintin film adaptation. Wright went solo on the Scott Pilgrim movie, which I also recommend.

4. Harvey.
This is probably one of the most well-crafted comedic plays of all time (many of Shakespeare's works included). The film is about a man who appears to be best friends with a 6 1/2-foot tall invisible rabbit named Harvey. It's really hard to put my finger on just one thing that makes this film so funny, but I think that a large part of the humor comes from how nonchalant Jimmy Stewart's character is about everything, and another part of it comes down to how something as simple as getting a stoic man who appears to be hallucinating a large rabbit to get committed goes so disastrously wrong.
Other Recommendations: This film is not available in the library, but Jimmy Stewart and the director Henry Kostler reunited twelve years later to create a very different film called Mr. Hobbs Takes a Vacation. The film is definitely a product of the early sixties, when Hollywood was beginning to let its hair down, but not to get so risque as to actually break the Production Code. That said, Jimmy Stewart's roles in Harvey and Mr. Hobbs couldn't be any more different, but he makes them both work well.

3. A Fish Called Wanda
Of all the many projects that featured members of the Monty Python troupe without actually being part of the canon, this is without a doubt, the best of them all. It starts off as a heist film, beginning with the theft of several diamonds, and, after trying to collect the loot, Jamie Lee Curtis decides to seduce John Cleese so she can discover the real location of the loot, her boyfriend Kevin Kline (in one of his better performances) gets jealous, and while all this happens, Michael Palin tries to kill the only witness to the crime, but only manages to get her dogs. How funny is it? Well, it caused a guy to literally die of laughter several years ago.

2. Monty Python and the Meaning of Life
Monty Python is probably my favourite comedy troupe, and, for what it's worth, it's probably everyone else's favourite troupe as well. It was really difficult to choose which of their three films were the funniest, but I decided to choose their last film, Monty Python and the Meaning of Life, due in no small part to their retaining the format of their classic television series. In fact, one of my favourite moments comes from this film. In one animated sequence, a leaf falls, but just before that happens, it appeared to be going into a suicidal depression. The same cycle happens for the leaf's "Wife and kids", but after the kids fall, there is a pause, and every other leaf on the tree falls off simultaneously.

1. Duck Soup
Of all the films that the Marx Brothers made, this was probably the funniest. If it was certainly good enough to bring Woody Allen out of a suicidal funk in Hannah And Her Sisters, it's certainly good enough for you. As Roy Blount, who recently wrote a book-length analysis of the film, wrote, there is, at most, one dead spot in the entire film: and it appears when Groucho references a recently popular song entitled "That's Why Darkies Were Born." Yes, this song really existed, and it's just as patronising as you would expect it to be. What really makes the moment is that just after he drops that title, Groucho lets out a single "Huh!" that is pretty much the sort of reaction somebody who actually gets the reference would react to the scene. That said, every other second of the film is hilarious.
Other Recommendations: Any of the Marx Brothers' other films from 1930-1935 are highly recommended, and that includes most of their other Universal films which are only available on the same boxed set as Duck Soup.

At any rate, it's pretty difficult to analyse humour, and I honestly hope I did a pretty good job.

Issue 195

2011-06-09T18:59:00.004-05:00

News: Derek the Restaurant Critic.
Normally, I do not review restaurants. Normally, I'm just content to eat whatever the menu has that fits within my tastes. However, I recently (twice, as a matter of fact) got dragged to a restaurant so horrible that my experiences simply demand that I have to do so. That restaurant is the Chicago Diner. The restaurant's major sell is that it is a vegan restaurant which apparently manages to use vegan cuisine to mimic diner cuisine to the extent that it is indistinguishable from the real thing. However, is it? The fact is, that it's not. To test and see if this is possible, I ate a "bacon" cheezeburger. (sic) To analyse both of the major meat components, the "burger" was made out of seitan, which is essentially a fancy word for dough. The fact is that it tastes like it, with a lot of spices that are, in theory, supposed to help it taste more like beef, but, apart from failing, that will not sit well with your intestines. As for the bacon part of it, it tastes like nothing. Simply put, it has no taste, and I mean this in the sense that Jean-Baptiste Grenouille had no scent. I had to force myself to eat the entire thing, due to my being malnourished to the point where my own faeces would have been equally appetizing if the smell could be neutralized, but there was no point whatsoever wherein any part of the burger tasted like bacon, cheese, or beef. However, we can probably lay this down to the fact that making dough actually taste like meat is impossible, but this does not excuse their other crimes against cuisine. Both times I was dragged there, I ordered a side of Mashed Potatoes, and somehow, even this was really off, particularly due to it looking neither like a potato nor mashed to any particularly meaningful degree. The taste itself was bland, different from the flavour I'm used to with potatoes in its sheer lack. After the Bacon Cheezeburger fiasco, I decided to order a salad. Surely if there's anything that a vegan could make palatable, it's salad. And yet, I was wrong, especially with what passed off as ranch dressing, tasting like a sub-par variation on the dill dipping sauce that is served with vegetable platters that are supposed to be sold for parties. Of course, the serving staff are kind, as you can expect from people who seem to be incapable of that most basic of human thought processes: rationalising the death of other beings for one's own desires. All that said, would I recommend it? Well, on the condition that you have no sense of taste whatsoever, or all the common sense of Madeline Bassett, then I would. If you don't fit those two criteria, I would guess that it would be the best argument for eating meat, especially human (or at least veal, which is supposed to taste exactly like human flesh). By contrast, if you're looking for a vegetarian restaurant that doesn't decieve, try Sweet Tomatoes. It makes no pretense of claiming that anything in it is supposed to taste like meat, and, for what it's worth, its food actually tastes good.

Quotes:
"Vegetarianism is harmless enough, though it is apt to fill a man with wind and self righteousness."
- Robert Hutchinson
"Veronica forces herself to go through a great deal of labor and preparation just to make her food taste more like meat, with weird-ass spices from around the world sprinkled atop "exotic" (and mandatory) sauces, curries, fungus, Boca burgers, textured vegetable paste, Tofurkey, and other processed blends of soy and gluten."
___________Rotten Library on Eating Disorders.
"It was like good, fully developed veal, not young, but not yet beef. It was very definitely like that, and it was not like any other meat I had ever tasted. It was so nearly like good, fully developed veal that I think no person with a palate of ordinary, normal sensitiveness could distinguish it from veal. It was mild, good meat with no other sharply defined or highly characteristic taste such as for instance, goat, high game, and pork have. The steak was slightly tougher than prime veal, a little stringy, but not too tough or stringy to be agreeably edible. The roast, from which I cut and ate a central slice, was tender, and in color, texture, smell as well as taste, strengthened my certainty that of all the meats we habitually know, veal is the one meat to which this meat is accurately comparable."
___________William Seabrook on Menschenfleisch.
"In a post-apocalyptic world, one man is transported from the microwave dimension to feast upon the remains of those who once lived. Rated R."
_______________Meatwad

Issue 194

2011-06-02T14:05:00.002-05:00

News: Three Books I've read to be turned into films. Trailers reviewed here.
The Adventures of Tintin. Relatively recently, I rediscovered the Tintin comics (specifically, Crab with the Golden Claws, Secret of the Unicorn, and Red Rackham's Treasure), and around the time I started college, I learned that there would be a film based on some of the comics, with filming apparently imminent. What was surprising is that, around the same time that I graduated from Oakton, three years later, only now has the trailer finally been released. I must admit that, while I really hate it when classic cartoon characters are given an unusually realistic look (see the recent Alvin and the Chipmunks reboot, and then see the 1980s series for a good reason why). What really surprised me was that, from what I've been able to see from the trailer, the filmmakers seem to have put a lot of effort into making the CGI that many studios seem to prefer to the "Hand-drawn" style these days look a lot like Herge's original drawing style. As for the casting, I was pleasantly surprised when they announced Simon Pegg and Nick Frost from Hot Fuzz as the "twin" detectives Thomson and Thompson, and I can't see any major problems with the casting. So far the only cons I can think of would be that Professor Calculus isn't in the film (he was introduced in Red Rackham's Treasure), and that Steven Moffat has evidently decided that the best books to adapt into a sequel would be the two volumes about Tintin and Co.'s adventures in Peru, because I personally think that, of the official 21 volumes that the Herge estate acknowledges, they are the two weakest, due to the climactic moment, which, apart from being a blatant rip-off of the eclipse scene in A Connecticut Yankee In King Arthur's Court, makes less sense in the context of real history (especially jarring considering Herge's commitment to accuracy,) since the real-life Incas were certainly not the kind of people who thought eclipses were signs of the gods like medieval Europeans. My personal pick would be the two volumes dealing with the moon mission; they actually contain some of the strongest plots of the series, with a story arc long enough to sustain a feature-length film, and, on top of all that, would provide a good place to introduce Professor Calculus. Release Date: Christmas 2011.
We Need to Talk About Kevin- Shortly after I read this in November 2009, I discovered that there was to be a film adaptation of the novel. I was apprehensive about the way that the plot could be handled, as I had a fear that the story would be handled as a straight horror film, about a bad seed who hates everyone and everything and decides to take it out on the people in his class one day. The fact is, that the novel is fundamentally a family drama that just so happens to include some genuinely horrifying scenes. There is actually no trailer on Youtube, but there are three short clips, each less than two minutes long, which showcase the style: Simply put, the film feels quite spare, quite possibly a reflection of people trying to recover from a disaster, and also reflecting the relative tranquility of the scenes in the book that aren't horrific. At this point, of the three films I've put here, it's the only one I can find that critics have already seen and been able to post reviews of, due to its being screened at Cannes, and its rating: 92% positive. That said, the ranking will probably be lower, but as of right now, there is only one negative review, and that one was written by somebody who hated the source material. Release Date: None at the moment, but in Britain, it's apparently hitting screens on September 2.
Mr. Popper's Penguins: I only learned about this film's being released this weekend. There doesn't seem to be anything too spectacular about it, though, and I don't really have too many emotional ties to the book at this point. Release Date: June 17.

Film Idea of the Day: Skating Away. A Burned-out composer and a PTSD sufferer on the brink of mental disaster form a friendship (just how they meet, I'm not sure, but I would think that their meeting has something to do with an attempted assault committed while flashing back.) My current climax has the sufferer blowing himself up, and the Composer finally getting some of his creative spark.

Film Review: Moon. I can only speculate that this could very well be part of the reason Moffat hasn't decided to adapt the moon albums of the Tintin series into film. The fact is, that both of the films are amazingly accurate looks at what life would be like for people who go on lunar expeditions (in the Tintin case, the accuracy was especially exceptional due to being published in the days before space travel). However, unlike those albums, Moon tends to have a feel very similar to 1970s Sci-fi films, especially 2001 and Solaris. In the proper plot, Sam Rockwell plays an astronaut who is harvesting Helium for a company on earth, and he meets his clone. I wish I could go into further detail.

Link of the Day: A Death Note Fanfic read aloud.

Issue 193

2011-05-21T18:40:00.004-05:00

News/Review: Ken Park: The review.
Recently, I discovered a new reviewer on the That Guy With The Glasses site I frequent. His name is OANcitizen, and his show is called "Brows Held High." His particular niche is reviewing bad Art-House and Independent films, showing that, yes, even in the case of Art House films, Sturgeon's Law, that 90% of everything is crap, still stands. One film in particular he reviewed is something that particularly struck me: Ken Park, the undistributed opus of filmmaker Larry Clark. For the record, Larry Clark is a filmmaker infamous for starting out as a photographer for most of his life (including a book which apparently inspired Taxi Driver) until going into film in 1995 with Kids. I have seen his films all the way up to this one, and the first three were particularly disquieting looks at the inner lives of teenagers. Ken Park, however, not so much, as somewhere between Bully and Ken Park, Clark seems to have discarded any regard for narrative. The film is split into five stories, each focusing on a member of a group of friends. Before one asks, the five stories are tied only in two ways: a photograph of the five, and a gratuitous three-way involving three of them.
1- Ken Park. The lead character of the film, only appears in two scenes: one at the beginning where he goes to a skateboarding park to shoot himself, and one near the end where Clark reveals that he did it because he impregnated his girlfriend, who isn't part of the five.
2- Shawn. This segment is essentially like a porno, except with better production values and hardly any set-up. Simply put, he propositions his girlfriend's mother, and she obliges him. There's hardly any conflict in this segment.
3- Claude. A skateboarder is abused by his muscle-headed father, who is also attracted to him. The dad is played by TV's Patrick the Starfish. You will never look at SpongeBob the same way again. For that matter, after reading up on the newer episodes of the show on TVTropes, and how everybody involved became unlikable, I'll never look at that show the same way again.
4- Peaches. An Asian girl tries to hide her sexual proclivities from her Fundamentalist father. She fails and he marries her. It'd probably be better to swallow if she wasn't of a race commonly portrayed as promiscuous in media.
5- Tate. He is a man who hates his grandparents for no real reason (they never do anything worse than pass off "Sibi" as a word in Scrabble during the whole film.) After doing a lot of unpleasant things, like abusing his dog or... what I will call "rehearsing for a play of the death of David Carradine or Michael Hutchence." Unlike some of the other graphic nude scenes in his previous films, Clark doesn't even try to integrate it into the story proper (even what little there is), and thus the story grinds to a halt. Then, he kills his grandparents while nude and gets arrested.
Simply put, I'm sure that if somebody else could remake the film, especially if they replaced a lot of the sex (Nobody thinks that American film boards should let their hair down more than I, but in this case, there's no real point) with proper character development and plot, who knows? Maybe it could even get a distributor in America, and if I ever meet Larry Clark, I am seriously considering telling him this, perhaps going so far as to talk about directing it myself.

Tract Reviews: That's Baphomet: A Masonic couple has their son attempt suicide. After being lectured on the dangers of Masonry, their son survives.
Still No Revival: Essentially a 50th Anniversary Retrospective tract, somehow managing to incorporate his fear of Muslims, Catholics, and non-King James Bibles. Interestingly enough, he even manages to, for the first time since he incorporated one of Laugh-In's many catch-phrases into one of his early tracts (with the possible exception of the tracts that talk about Harry Potter or Dungeons and Dragons, which don't count because he made abundantly clear that he doesn't understand a thing about either one), he actually shows some awareness of popular culture: He shows a family watching Family Guy.

Issue 192

2011-04-24T21:30:00.002-05:00

News: This is probably old news, but...
Once again, I'm sorry I haven't been updating. I've been working on a short story, college applications, getting my service hours squared for my Criminology class, reacquainting myself with Arthur Miller, Samuel Beckett, and King Lear, and spending Easter at my grandparents' house (for the last time, since they're apparently selling it), so, between all of that, there hasn't been much time to write for the blog. That said, I have had a few ideas for blog entries, and here's one of them.
On March 20th, Not The Terry Jones, Fundamentalist nutjob who has been condemned from all sides for threatening to burn the Koran in September (for the record, I have mixed feelings about the act itself, ultimately resolving in a Voltairean "I disagree with what you say, but I agree with your right to say it," aided by the fact that, if a Koran is to be disposed of, technically, burning it is the recommended method), finally managed to do so. But he decided to first put the book on trial for six hours. What I'm wondering is: if he feels justified to do so for the Koran, what's to prevent someone from doing the same for The Bible? I can almost imagine it; Getting a man to prosecute the Bible (ideally a Gideon Bible, since they're pretty much free in any hotel room), and a priest to defend it in a court of law (I'd especially like to see it if we could get at least one of the lawyers to say something like "now, I'm just a simple country lawyer," like Jimmy Stewart), against charges of Crimes Against Humanity (what I have in mind would ultimately be something like Judgment at Nuremberg), and seeing how far it goes, especially if we can see it streaming online or after the fact on sites like Youtube. If the Bible is found guilty, it would be burnt while some fitting tunes (all of which should involve fire-related imagery), definitely beginning with Arthur Brown's Fire.

Film Review of the Week: Mildred Pierce (2011 version). For a while, the 1945 film version of James M. Cain's Mildred Pierce has been one of my favourite films noir. However, until recently, I hadn't read the original novel, and now that Todd Haynes adapted it into an HBO miniseries, I think that it's a worthy successor, so let me go over some of the most important elements:
*Mildred: Honestly, after looking into Joan Crawford's real-life motherhood, it's ultimately hard to take her seriously as a woman who would take a bullet for her daughters like she does in this film. However, in the film, it comes close to almost disintegrating any lingering doubts, but there's still the occasional thought in the back of my mind that wants to make a snarky reference to wire hangers. Kate Winslet, to the best of my knowledge, appears to have no such parenting problems, and it is much easier for me to take her seriously as a doormat of a mother. And, what's more, in the novel and the miniseries, her character arc becomes more dramatic: She goes from doting on Veda to saying (albeit at Bert's promting) "to hell with her."
*Veda: To be honest, it's very hard for me to say whether Evan Rachel Wood or Ann Blyth is a better actress in this role. They both seem to nail down the "Bratty-bordering-on-sociopathic Teenaged Daughter" role, and both look like they could very well be the daughter of the women playing their mothers, even if, in the case of Wood and Winslet, their ages are too close together for it to be realistic. However, to break the tie, I will note the climactic scene in the new version: When Mildred discovers that Veda is dating Monte, she strangles her, but she manages to get away. After this, Evan Rachel Wood curb-stomps willing suspension of disbelief by running around the house and then sputtering, repeating this for several minutes. Unless I can find some sort of evidence of this sort of thing being feasible after being strangled, I will use this as an example of how Ann Blyth's acting is better.
*Ray/Kay: I definitely have a favourite here: Jo Anne Marlowe's Kay is a much more interesting character than the Ray that Quinn McColgan played in the miniseries. The main reason for this is that I cannot help but find it satisfying that, in the 1945 film, the younger daughter, of all people, is something of a voice of reason for the family, and we see that a change occurs in the family dynamics when she dies, sometimes calling Veda out on her greed and ego. However, in the miniseries, she's just a little kid who just tries too hard to be cute, and when she dies, it feels more like the author is himself trying to get the audience to think that Ray was "too good for this sinful earth."
*Pacing/The Second Half: After reading the book, you really come to see how much the plot came to feel rushed in the film version; in fact, major plot points are completely glossed over in the film, like the fact that Veda is taking music lessons: these are mentioned enough times that they can be counted on one hand. In the miniseries and original novel, much of the novel's second half, and the last two episodes of the miniseries revolve around Veda's getting a career as a singer (a coloratura soprano, to be precise). Of course, the plot in the film still makes sense as a whole, and thus, it works, even though the miniseries allows the plot to breathe more.
*Mise-en-Scene: Michael Curtiz made it into a film noir. Todd Haynes filmed it to look like a lot like Douglas Sirk's "Women's pictures." They both worked extremely well for what they are. The choice between the two styles boils down to one's own personal preference, and mine leans strongly towards noir.

Issue 191

2011-03-27T21:17:00.002-05:00

News: My Newest Play will be Performed.
A few years ago, I wrote a short story, entitled "Trust Me" that was based on Chaucer's "Pardoner's Tale." The plot of the story was that three policemen are on the trail of a serial killer who calls himself "The Lord High Executioner." They question a homeless guy, and he directs them to go to a bridge. When they get there, they find a suitcase full of brand-new $20 bills. The most senior officer takes some of the money and drives off with it. Meanwhile, he and the two officers set up plans to kill each other: The senior officer spikes two wine bottles with arsenic for them, and the other two decide to shoot him. Both plans succeed, and it turns out that the homeless guy was behind it all along. A few years later, I decided to try and work out some of my writers' block by adapting that story into a one-act play for my college's PlayOn festival. I changed some parts of the original story, mostly filling up some holes I found I had put into the story (like how the elder cop managed to figure out how to get back to town after stranding his inferiors), changing the place names to actual Nebraskan city names (I had originally set the story in the town of "Fidgit." For the record, there are two truly difficult parts of writing: 1) Actually bringing yourself to get started [This is why I have come to only update this blog twice a month], and 2) Naming characters and possibly places), and adding a minor subplot relating to racism against Latinos, with regards to Officer Alvarez, a police recruit just out of the academy, and the most sane officer of the three. And, finally, it turned out that the play was actually chosen to be performed at Oakton's Third Annual PlayOn festival. In the first festival, I had written an adaptation of the Confessional scene from The Seventh Seal, that I hoped would be part of a larger adaptation of the film, updated to 1918 and the Spanish Flu Pandemic. However, the next year, I submitted two plays, and I thought that both of them were problematic; The first one was a monologue that was too difficult to perform, as the climax hinged upon the mononoguist being able to sing (Lip-synching is not an option, as it is supposed to be sung along with another recording) "Largo al Factotum" from Rossini's Barber of Seville (an aria notably difficult to sing) while miming raping an invisible woman, even going so far as to orgasm while singing the last "Della Citta." The second one was an attempt to try and adapt another short story that I didn't think would translate well on the stage, and I think I was right. Fortunately, this one worked out well. The only thing I think would be logistically problematic is how we would be able to create the police car on the relatively small stage of the Black Box theatre it would be set in. Unfortunately, I would not be able to see it, as during the time the play was playing, I would be in Wisconsin.

Quote of the Day: "The task of filling up the blanks I'd rather leave to you.
But it really doesn't matter whom you put upon the list,
For they'd none of 'em be missed — they'd none of 'em be missed!"
____________Ko-Ko, The Mikado, a Gilbert and Sullivan lyric quoted in the end of the play.

Issue 190

2011-03-02T15:15:00.002-06:00

News/Review: Phantom Tollbooth: Book v. Movie.
A few weeks ago a big blizzard struck, as any midwesterners reading it would know. (What much is there to say about the blizzard itself? There was a massive amount of snow and I had to shovel it.) Just before the blizzard struck, I managed to get a book both in dead tree and audio editions, after discovering that Thirty H's apparently included an allusion to it an episode with a .58 child in Chapter 6. and most of the time I spent shoveling it, I had spent listening to the audiobook version. That book was Norton Juster's The Phantom Tollbooth. Quite honestly, I think it's one of the best kids' books I've ever read, and my only regret is that I hadn't read it as a kid myself, and after listening to the interview with Norton Juster on the audiobook, I regret not having read it as a teenager, either, since, according to him, many people have written to him talking to him about how they read the book as children, teenagers, and as adults, and that it seemed like a different book each time. As it turns out, there will apparently be a new hardcover edition for its fiftieth anniversary in November (something I'd like come December), and I find it very likely that when I write my "Best Books of the Many I read in 2011" list next year, I am almost certain that it will be in the top five at least. And so, in honor of this, I must inform you that there is actually a film adaptation from the early seventies directed by Chuck Jones, which recently received its first DVD release through Warner Archives. But unlike some other films which took a ridiculously long time to come to DVD (like Wise Blood or The African Queen), there is a very good reason that it took this long: Simply put, it's bad. It's not a faithful adaptation at all. Needless to say, I've written two previous posts about film adaptations of books that changed some things significantly from their source material, but unlike Watchmen, where Zack Snyder did what he could to keep the film at a manageable length, and the 1959 version of the Brothers Karamazov, which attempted to reduce an 800-page novel into a 2 1/2 hour film by stripping away almost every subplot not directly related to the murder of Fyodor at the expense of many major characters. This film, directed by no less an animation god than Chuck Jones of Looney Tunes fame, has no excuse. The film's character designs are pretty good, even if they do deviate significantly from Jules Feiffer's illustrations (at this point, my main qualm about this aspect of the film is the fact that Tock the Watchdog's watch seems to be tucked into some sort of pouch on its body, and apparently downplaying the fact that he is supposed to be a "Watch Dog" with a real watch on his body. The fact that his voice actor is pretty bland doesn't help matters.) The film's major problem is with its pacing. It seems to be good in the opening scenes (where Milo manages to say the opening paragraphs of the book to a friend over the phone, thus finding a pretty good vehicle for putting the exposition in without the use of a narrator. However, after the scene in the Doldrums, the film begins to dramatically change from the book. Namely, in the book, after leaving the Doldrums, Milo and Tock head straight on to Dictionopolis, and then, after learning of the story of how the princesses Rhyme and Reason were cast out, decide to quest for them (with The Humbug, another character from Dictionopolis who lost much of his distinctive character in the film, drafted into joining by King Azaz the Unabridged), with several episodes following on the way. On the other hand, the film features Milo and Tock managing to encounter many of the people they found in the book long before they managed to get to Dictionopolis (on the one hand, there's nothing that wasn't in the book, but on the other hand, there was no 0.58 child anywhere in the mix). Needless to say, by the time the film finally gets around to giving the film its backstory about two-thirds of the way into the film (That's right. Important backstory that is supposed to set up the main plot of the book doesn't even get introduced into the film itself for about sixty minutes into the film's ninety-minute running time) there isn't much left for Milo, Tock, and the Humbug to do. It's like making a remake of Rain Man where most of the antics Charlie and Raymond get into happen in Cincinatti before they finally go to L.A. Yes; It would have been as poor a film as the real version is a poor depiction of autism. One more problem I have with the film is the treatment of the ending; in the book, as Milo drives away after reuniting the Mathemagician and King Azaz the Unabridged, they both remind him to remember the importance of words and numbers. This restarts the argument the two had been having about which one is more important that led to the imprisonment of Rhyme and Reason. With the disappearance of the Tollbooth from Milo's room, and the note that came with it, it implied heavily that the book's plot would happen again with some other bored child in Milo's place. In my opinion, this was a pretty effective twist ending. However, the film does not give any such implication. It's just a more simple "happily ever after" ending. Granted, the tollbooth still vanishes, and it even goes to the kid Milo was talking to on the phone. Unfortunately, by leaving out that little scene, Chuck Jones has managed to strip the scene of some crucial context making it poorer than the book's version. Simply put, if Chuck Jones had decided to keep the Book's structure, and maybe bite the bullet and add a few more scenes to make it longer than 90 minutes, it would have been a better film. However, he didn't, and I had enough material to rant about for quite a while.

Tract Review: There's two new tracts on Jack Chick's website, but they're both new versions of old tracts. One is a new version of "This Was Your Life," entitled "You Have a Date." The main differences are that the protagonist is now female, and instead of telling dirty jokes, has apparently had a lesbian experience as a teen. In addition, Jack seems to have realised that claiming whispering is a sin (as he did in previous versions of this tract) is idiotic. The other new tract was a new version of "The Attack" changed with a plug for a new book which no doubt regurgitates many of these arguments.

Issue 189

2011-02-24T20:54:00.003-06:00

News: Two religious figures get their comeuppance and I want to see what happens next.
A few weeks ago, Anonymous, the socially conscious wing of 4chan, the same people to bring Christian Weston Chandler to the internet consciousness, apparently threatened to hack the many websites of the Westboro Baptist Church. Anonymous denied sending out the initial threat, but after they told Anonymous to "Bring it On," another hacker decided to take their sites down. Of course, this only lasted a short time. However, I saw something that happened later: during a chat between Anonymous and Shirley Phelps-Roper, who has become the de facto leader of the church since Fred got too old, Shirley proved to be so irritating and insulting that they actually decided to go ahead and hack the sites anyway. As of right now, The WBC's sites are offline. Now that Anonymous is apparently actually warring with them, I'd love to see what happens. It's not like the Phelpses have anywhere near the power of The Church of Scientology. And, on a related note, two Barvarian lawyers have apparently pressed charges of Crimes Against Humanity at the International Court of Justice against the Pope. The charges? Primarily the charges are in their apparent inability to keep their priests off the altar boys), and their longstanding opposition to condom use. If applied to the worldwide level, we have an organisation which has aided and abetted pedophilia on a worldwide scale (even if it did so on a level of naivete, assuming that moving priests would curb their desire to have sex with children) and has done more to increase the spread of AIDS than any other entity in the past thirty years. Even if this is a result of Naivete on the part of the Church, the fact that their ideas have done little to help with those problems, and their refusal to change makes them responsible for those problems. In this case, I would be curious to see the Pope being judged for this. Maybe the repercussions of this could be felt across the Abrahamic Religions: maybe many more conservative Christian denominations would (though likely not being judged) force themselves to re-examine their interpretation of scripture, or Islamic dictatorships (like Iran or Saudi Arabia) could actually be judged as well as the Pope. However, the charges have to be examined by the World Court's prosecutor, and that hasn't happened yet, and could very well never happen. And besides, Benedict could die before the trial starts (he is 83, after all.)

Review of the Day: Barney Ross. It's a book, unlike a lot of the things I've been reviewing in this blog, and a relatively short one at that. Simply put: it's the biography of a boxer, born in Chicago, grew up in the Jewish ghettoes of Maxwell Park, managed to become a big boxing hero (72 wins, 3 losses, 4 draws), eventually fought at Guadalcanal, developed a morphine addiction as a direct result of his Guadalcanal experiences, and kicked the habit. On the other hand, it's the story of a man who loses his faith in Hashem after witnessing his father's death, becomes a boxer in defiance of his faith, after the rise of Hitler, begins to play up his Jewishness, and eventually returns to the faith proper while trying to kick his Morphine habit. It's an amazingly powerful story, and it's moved me enough that, after the weather has stabilised, I'm considering visiting his grave in Rosemont. Hopefully, I'll find a good pebble for his grave in the interim.

Quote:
It was lucky for me. It wasn't lucky for the nine people that got killed and the 20 that were injured."
____________Barney Ross

Link of the Day: The video that has Anonymous hacking the WBC live.

Issue 188

2011-01-26T17:44:00.002-06:00

News/Film Idea/Review: Some notes on Holocaust Films.
In my last entry, on the best books of the many I read in 2010, I mentioned that I had put 25 books in the shortlist. Two of the books that didn't make it onto my list were Holocaust memoirs. Specifically, those memoirs were two classics of the genre: Primo Levi's If This Is A Man, and Elie Wiesel's Night. I have to admit that there's a reason I didn't include them in my list beyond the fact that I found Bruce Campbell talking about the making of The Evil Dead more enjoyable than their harrowing experiences im Lager. The fact is that, I can't help but think that while they are basically true and don't feel the need to nit-pick like some people do, the medium of the memoir has advantages and disadvantages, and one disadvantage is particularly crucial: they are ultimately one-sided. The way I see it, if books and films are to be used to show people the horrors of the Holocaust, we should be forced to see ourselves not only in the shoes of those who got killed, but also the shoes of those who did the killing. To go further into this, I will examine what is probably the most famous film about the Holocaust, Schindler's List. In the film, the villain Amon Goeth is portrayed as being utterly, outrageously cruel. One would be tempted to call out Spielberg for portraying him as too unrealistic if one didn't know that Spielberg actually toned down his evil for film. The problem I have with it is that, unfortunately, Goeth wasn't exactly representative of Concentration Camp workers. When off-duty, many of them would seem pretty normal people, and not necessarily the type of people who would routinely kill people for a day. This is what Hannah Arendt meant by "The Banality of Evil." This is a thought that should frighten you, because it means your best friends or even you could very well be capable of committing genocide without emotion. It is also essential for understanding why the Holocaust happened in the first place, but, surprisingly, very few of the films that take place in the camps try to deal with that idea. In essence, I feel that not including that theme in a film (or other art form) about the Holocaust is ultimately irresponsible, even when a big name like Spielberg does it. Even when Roman Polanski, a filmmaker known for being gloomy and pessimistic (at least when you look at his film career, as opposed to his personal life), made a film about it, he seemed to avoid this issue like Spielberg did. Of course, considering he lived through it all and lost most of his family, it sort of makes sense he would focus solely on the victims. To remedy this, I have come up with three possible ideas for a Holocaust film if I ever make it to Hollywood, in order of likelihood that they will be made (most likely last.)
*Death Dealer, based on the memoirs of Rudolf Hoess, an actual Commandant of Auschwitz. Considering that a lot of the criticism of Boy in the Striped Pyjamas seemed to focus on making a Nazi sympathetic, this is probably the least likely one to be made.
*Eyewitness Auschwitz, based on Filip Mueller's autobiography. It is about a Jewish inmate who survived the camp for three years because of his skill in working the crematoria, thus blurring the line between victims and villains. Definitely more moral ambiguity, but I doubt that a film like this would be made.
*The Wave. This is the one I think is most likely to be made, because, simply put, it's already been made several times, most notably as a Television special in 1981, and a German film in 2008. What do I think I can add to the story? Before I tell you that, I should tell you a little about Miltonian criticism. In his book, Surprised by Sin, Stanley Fish attempted to explain the sympathetic portrayal of Satan by saying that by making Satan seem likable, Milton helps simulate the Fall of Man on the reader. In very much the same vein, I hope to extend the power of the Wave to the level of the audience by using cinematic techniques that mirror those used by Leni Riefenstahl in her amazingly made propaganda piece Triumph of the Will. That film managed to boost allegiance to the Nazi party whenever it was played, and even allegedly scared a film critic into joining the Nazi Party. If we are led to be in as much awe of the movement as the students are, the big reveal will be even more shocking.

Issue 187

2011-01-04T10:24:00.004-06:00

News: The Beat Books of (the many I read in) 2010.
Well, I've seen a few more films in theaters than I did last year. All things noted, however, I read a lot of books in the last year. How many, you may ask? Well, my original shortlist for this one happened to be 25 books. It took a while for me to be able to narrow it down to ten. And here's just the ten I felt were the best I had read, and no, none of them had been published in 2010.

10. Flashman by George MacDonald Fraser.
For the benefit of all of you who don't know, Harry Paget Flashman was the bully in the Victorian schoolboy's novel Tom Brown's Schooldays. This novel covers his life in the years after being expelled from Rugby school for drunkenness, wherein he joins the army and manages to gain some clout by shooting the top off a bottle (by complete accident), and gaining a heroic reputation (culminating in meeting Queen Victoria) in India despite being a total coward. The thing that really interested me was that it was apparently so historically accurate that, upon publication, several reviewers (particularly Americans) assumed that they were genuine. It's the first in a series of twelve novels, and I have yet to read the other eleven, but I can only expect more of the same.

9. If Chins Could Kill by Bruce Campbell.
On the prodding of a classmate in my recent film class, I decided to read this book. I hesitated, because of the fact that I never went in for the "private lives of the stars" sort of books. However, unlike most of the stars who've had books written about them, Bruce, at least at first, had a pretty hands-on role in the making of many of the films. He includes a setup for some of the camera tricks devised for the Evil Dead movies and even a recipe for blood used in the original. The classmate who recommended this to me also suggested I try and make that fake blood and see if it's edible, but I haven't. That said, considering that all the ingredients are edible, I think it is, but doubt that it would be appetising.

8. Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson.
This movie is probably one of the most frequently adapted novels in history, but, surprisingly, very few of those adaptations even bothered to take the original plot structure from the original. The more I looked into the adaptations, I found only two filmed versions that kept the original idea: 1971's I Monster, which changed the protagonist's names, and the Wishbone adaptation that squished the story into 15 minutes and made the main character a dog. And by main character, I mean Gabriel Utterson, who is, for some reason, left out of almost every adaptation. Why? After all, it's a perfectly good idea to let the audience figure out what had happened slowly, and at least make an effort of making it seem like the fact that Jekyll and Hyde are the same person was a twist. The fact that so many adaptations decided to establish early on that Jekyll and Hyde are one and the same is just as idiotic an idea as making a version of The Sixth Sense where everybody knows up front that the Bruce Willis character is supposed to be a ghost. Of course, like with Flashman, I had read this on audiobook, and there were some flaws with both of them: With Flashman, the footnotes were not read (the ones which reinforced the massive amount of research Fraser put into them), and for this one, the narrator mispronounced Jekyll's name. As much as I like Spencer Tracy, I blame him (and his 1940 film of the book) for the popular mispronunciation of Jekyll as Jeck-ull. According to Stevenson, it was Jee-kull. Rant over, on to book 7.

7. The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran and the Dhammapada.
What else is there to say about The Prophet? Behind Lao-Tsu, Shakespeare, and King David, this book is one of the most-read collections of poetry in recorded history. And, the fact is, his musings on the condition of living still hold up pretty well. He has succeeded in becoming timeless. I also include the Dhammapada in the same category because its subject is the same as the Prophet, but it was written by an actual religious figure. In short, it's probably one of the most solid-seeming religious texts, in my opinion.

6. Rise of Theodore Roosevelt by Edmund Morris.
Well, this is a book about the making of a great man, namely, Theodore Roosevelt. This is the first part of a three-volume biography of Roosevelt, and this volume covers his life from birth to getting the news that President McKinley got assassinated, and it's surprising the amount of positions he managed to get before the age of 42, from published author, to secretary of the Navy, to war hero, to NYPD Commissioner, to personification of masculinity. I read Theodore Rex, the second volume, and I didn't find it as interesting as the first volume, and I have yet to read the last volume, Colonel Roosevelt, (due to wanting to get paperback edition to match my copies of the first two).

5. Angels in America by Tony Kushner.
The plot of this play is very hard to summarise: When I told my dad about it, I only managed to cover the subplot about Prior Walter. Indeed, much of the plot could be accurately be described as "gay guys talking about politics." Surprisingly, despite all of this, it manages to work as the most epic work written for the stage since Wagner's Ring of the Nibelung. Why? You'll just have to read it, or, possibly, watch the HBO miniseries based on the play, to find out.

4. The Areas of My Expertise by John Hodgman.
I discovered this book based to TVTropes due to its being categorised as a "weird american thing." In essence, this book is an almanac of completely made-up facts (in fact, many of the facts given are half-true). Considering the complete insanity of many of the facts (things like otters being called lobsters and being driven to extinction by new lobsters, or an escalating war of strange precipitation between Milwaukee and Richmond, VA) makes one wonder about the kind of world in which it is true. This is, once again, the first in a projected trilogy, and only the first two published yet. I have just started to read the second book, and it's actually a worthy successor to the original.

3. Autobiography of Malcolm X.
Due to the intricacies of my reading queue, I waited a while to start to read this book, but when I actually managed to get into reading this book, I was surprised by the conversational style of this book. The tone of the book seemed almost exactly like I was having a conversation with the man himself, and it really felt like what you'd expect when you talked with an orator. And I even managed to gain more insight into the beliefs of the nation of Islam, and even the bizarre nature of the genetics that the story of Yakub and the creation of the other races (other than Black). The afterword by the ghostwriter Alex Haley even gave more insight into the man's life and the book's creation.

2. The Ice Man by Philip Carlo.
For a while, I was on a big kick of reading books about hitmen, in the hopes that I could create a hitman story of my own. It didn't work out. Along with the two books written by Joey Black (an actual hitman), this work formed the non-fiction part of my research (I really wished I could find more non-fiction books focusing on the lives of hitmen, but there you go.) This book is about a man named Richard Kuklinski who claimed to have killed over 300 people and worked for all of New York's five families (since he wasn't Italian, he couldn't "get made" into any one family). The fact is, that, despite many questions that have been raised about the veracity of many of Kuklinski's claims, it's actually a very compelling story, and even on this level, it's still a must-read. Surprisingly, despite the fact that this is the story of a career killer who talked about killing people with no discernible emotion, this actually contains one of the most touching scenes I've ever read: while meeting his second wife's family, they take him to a Thanksgiving dinner, and Richard, for the first time, manages to discover for the first time, the phenomenon of being loved unconditionally by a family (his own was abusive, and his father even killed his own son Florian.) Naturally, this shift in tone does not last long.

1. Requiem For a Dream by Hubert Selby Jr.
Yes, Hubert Selby is one of my favourite authors, and I read his four major novels, and, apart from Last Exit to Brooklyn, this is probably his best known novel. It's also one of the most disturbing novels ever written (but surprisingly, not even the most disturbing one written by Selby, that honour going to The Room), and, especially in this book, the bizarre nature of his typography (ridiculously huge indentations for paragraphs and replacing apostrophes with slash marks) enhances the disturbing mood created by his books by disorienting his reader, so that, if the acts being described don't disturb the reader, the confusion will ensure that his novel has a profound effect on the reader. The movie only concentrates the 300-page novel into a 100-minute film, and very effectively, I may add.

Film Idea of the Day: The keyboardist for a band ends up falling in love with an angel. This love forces him and his bandmates into a battle between them and the forces of the Almighty. The plot is, in essence Scott Pilgrim meets His Dark Materials, and should ideally include satire that covers everything from religion to the Twilight saga to eagle feather law.

Film Review of the Day: Black Swan. Like the film version of Requiem for a Dream, this was directed by Darren Aronofsky. Although I haven't been keeping abreast of his career since Requiem, it did seem like a big stylistic leap between the editing-driven, visceral Requiem and the surreal horror of Black Swan. That said, he did apparently release two films between Requiem and Black Swan, but I haven't seen them. Despite not being what I would have expected from the man who made Requiem for a Dream, and the subject matter (Ballet) not being something I'm particularly interested in, it was quite good. It really helps that there was a scene in which the two main dancers have sex with each other. Hot girl on girl action does tend to improve a movie, at least in my estimation.

Quote of the Day: "When a prosecutor loses a case, do you think he's happy that an innocent man walks free? No, they're angry that they've lost a chance at the governor's mansion."
_____________Hubert Selby Jr., The Room (actually a paraphrase of something in that book. If I were able to find the correct words, I would have posted them.) Food for thought for anybody who watches Nancy Grace regularly.

Link of the Day: My Film Teacher's Blog.

Tract Reviews: Uninvited. Jack Chick returns to the subject of AIDS, and makes claims that should be obviously false to anybody who has studied AIDS since the name was adopted in 1983. There are facts that should be obvious to anybody with two brain cells to rub together that Jack ignores. Here are some of them, for the benefit of anybody who doesn't want to read this tract.

*AIDS is no longer quite the Death Sentence it once was. If identified early enough, it can be kept in control with anti-retroviral drugs. I could just be talking about being HIV positive, though.
*If a six-year-old girl gets raped and left for dead, shouldn't she have had more extreme problems to worry about than possibly becoming a lesbian? Even disregarding physical problems, shouldn't she be scared that it could have happened again, thus ruining her trust for other people for at least several decades?
*Come to think of it, while it would be an oversimplification to state that homosexuality is wholly genetic, there's very significant evidence of genetic influence in sexual orientation. And it certainly does not come about just because they got molested as kids.
*AIDS does not just happen to gay people. In fact, there's also a significant amount of people who got it from heterosexual contact.

I really wish I didn't have to say these facts, but apparently, I do.

Shout out: Another guy has started to follow the blog, his name is life.experienced.

Issue 186

2010-12-21T17:56:00.004-06:00

News/Film Review: Film Class and Earth.
Throughout the previous semester, I had one particularly interesting class: Intro to Film. In essence, Wednesdays would be spent setting up a particular movement, and almost without exception, I would be supplementing his information, and I would sit next to some guy whose enthusiasm was matched only by his utter lack of knowledge of the medium's history pre-Karate Kid. Fridays would be spent discussing the film in more detail. By the end of the class, we had to rank each film we saw on a scale of 0-10. All but one film ended up watched ended up with a score above 6.0. The one that didn't was Alexander Dovzhenko's Earth. There's several reasons for this, and I will divide the reasons into innate and environmental problems.
Environmental problems:
*There were only two films we ended up watching on Friday. Since Friday classes and the film were approximately the same length, there wasn't much of a discussion.
*The room was designed differently, and thus, the likelihood that somebody's heads were covering up the subtitles (and the film was a silent, no less) was much higher.
*Seriously, subtitles in a film where the dialogue is communicated through intertitles? If Kino can try to replicate the stylised intertitles of Metropolis, they can at least translate the nondescript ones used in Earth.
*The DVD's print was taken from 1971. The film was heavily reliant on visuals, so, in essence, Kino, who released the film on R1 DVD screwed up. Amazingly, a British Distributor (Mr. Bongo) has managed to put out a version on DVD that looked much better. That said, I haven't seen that version, but at least I'd not be able to ask "What the hell am I looking at?" as often as I was. I shouldn't have to question whether I'm looking at a wheat field or not.

Innate Problems:
*Soviet Montage is a hard movement to find an accessible entry point for; of the three major features, Battleship Potemkin gets dull at points, Man With the Movie Camera hasn't much of a plot, and Earth is... well... Earth.
*Its pacing is bizarre. The opening scene is very slowly paced, consisting of two title cards, shots of a man slowly dying (presumably to symbolise the death of the Tsarist way of life), and shots of what I can only assume to be fields. By the end, there are no less than five scenes being intercut, and while some of them make sense (particularly the one of the priest trying in vain to get God to stop a non-church-based funeral), some of them are completely nonsensical (like a man putting his head to a sand dune and running about in a circle). The juxtaposition makes no sense, and I even said as such when I had to write a report. Apparently, it was supposed to spur people into action.
*The plot is almost impossible to follow. I had to look up several plot summaries of the film before I had to figure out what was supposed to be going on (apparently the man running about in a circle was in guilt over murdering his brother. I suppose Raskolnikov only got off as long as he did because Porfiry never saw him doing that), and sometimes what I was supposed to be looking at. Once again, if I have to look up summaries to be able to recognise a wheat field, something is very, very wrong.

Here's hoping that I can get back to doing two posts a month.

Also, according to my Dashboard, I apparently have a follower: Enrrique (apparently he has two r's in his name) Perez. If his profile is correct, he is apparently from Duarte in the Dominican Republic. According to the one post he's made that I had to translate with Babelfish because I don't speak Spanish, He apparently thinks all politicians are equally bad, and with the last two years in mind, I can't say I blame him. Here's hoping we can actually come into some sort of contact (preferrably in English)

Links: Because every Soviet film made before a certain date is in the Public Domain, here is a copy of the film on Youtube.

Issue 185

2010-11-14T13:41:00.002-06:00

News: Amazon puts out a book on pedophilia. Should it stay up?
There has been, particularly in recent years, panic has been rising about the possibility of pedophiles in our midst. Let me give you my take on the whole phenomenon: whoever wins, the human race loses. If those who panic win, eventually, it comes to pass that the mob mentality completely takes over, and sooner or later, it leads to a lynch mob mentality against anybody who shows even the slightest interest in any child but their own. Already, it has led to parents increasingly sheltering their children from other people. And if the pedophiles win? Do I even have to tell you why humanity is screwed if they win? The latest incident in the war on pedophilia is that people have discovered an eBook which was reportedly a how-to guide of how to seduce children. The news was leaked on Wednesday, a day so slow that Michel Houellebecq winning an award (and not even an international one) was front-page news on Wikipedia. However, rather than succumb to the mob mentality, I actually tried to look up some reliable information of what the book was about. For all we knew, it could have been a guide for teaching pedophiles to have relationships that didn't cross the line into sex. Of course, it took a few days before I could manage to find somebody who actually read the book (the Amazon review pages, when they were up, did not seem to have a single person who admitted to actually reading the book), and when I did, the hype was pretty much verified. It did include a guide for having sex with children. However, that said, I think that breaking the story to the media was a very bad idea; first of all, before they finally took it down, the ebook went from having a sales rank in the sextuple-digits to #114. For comparison, James Joyce's Ulysses is currently #322. In short, the media story gave this guy even more attention than he could have ever dreamed of, and far more than he deserved. Even if he ends up getting jail time, I wouldn't end up being surprised if he ended up with a book deal from a bigger publisher (as long as he writes about the ordeal of getting banned, and not more of the same.) The second reason is that, generally, if one work is banned, sooner or later, more people are going to lobby for banning things they don't like, and eventually, we'll live in the world of Fahrenheit 451 because everybody will have found some offense somewhere. In case you think I'm exaggerating, PeTA has been asking that books they don't like be removed. Granted, PeTA are, by this point, a joke, and it's less likely that those books will be removed. But the slope is already getting slippery. Whoever wins, the human race loses.

Film Review: Mary and Max. Simply put,this is probably one of the best films about Autism I've ever seen. I've seen films about autism that aren't exactly that good on their own terms despite being excellent portraits of Autism (films like Adam and Mozart and the Whale regrettably fall into this category), films which are good, but portray autism inaccurately (like Rain Man), and then there's works like Sonichu which suck hard, and fail to portray much of a portrait of Autistic spectrum disorders. That said, I did find it particularly interesting, particularly in the fact that it blends tragedy and comedy, veering between the two almost constantly.

Quote of the Day: "Do you have a pet kangaroo? When I was born, my father left my mother and me on a kibbutz. She shot herself with my uncle's gun when I was six. Do you like chocolate hotdogs? I invented the recipe for them and can send it to you."
_______________Max from Mary and Max.

Link of the Day: Brass Eye's take on Pedo-Hunting.

Tract Review: Love that Money! Yet another tract about how angels and demons are fighting over people's souls, with the twist that this takes place in the latest economic downturn.

Issue 184

2010-10-23T20:02:00.003-05:00

News: Really Haven't Been Updating, Have I?
Don't you remember the good old days a few months ago when I was constantly worrying about how little I had been updating my blog? Back when I was in high school, I updated every Sunday. Eventually, that dwindled down to thrice a month. By college, it was only once in a blue moon where I managed to post even that frequently. However, by this semester I've been having trouble trying to post even that frequently. I've posted only two times in as many months (not including this post), and I'm not really sure of the reason. The closest thing I can come up with is that I could very well be in the process of burning out. I haven't written an actual short story in about a year, no matter how many ideas have come to me. I've actually begun to sleep in between classes at college, despite the fact that my sleep cycle has had little change in the past few years. Looking at the work I've been handing in, I keep seeing massive amounts of typos in my papers, which, oddly enough, are usually "A" grades. And for once, I really wish I could say that there was something really problematic happening with my life right now, but apart from the health of an uncle I haven't been in regular contact with for years taking a turn for the worse, and transferring to a four-year college, I can't think of anything at the moment. Quite honestly, I don't know when I'll be updating regularly again; probably by December, when my last exams will have been finished. Maybe I'll write another entry the next time Jack Chick comes around with a new tract.

Film Idea: Sofie is a girl who finds herself locked in a dungeon trying to save her mother from a man who uses an electric violin to control robots into torturing or killing people. The complication is that her mother finds out she's into that sort of thing. At one point, she also has sex with her own doppelganger.

Film Review of the Day: Well, I have been watching a lot of films since I started my hiatus. Perhaps I'll review two of them in each entry for a while, in lieu of providing a link.
Temple Grandin. This is certainly a good film about Autism, particularly in providing a way of putting the story from the point of view from the patient; and while I have seen several films about autism, none of those other films managed to find a way of putting the film into their own subjective points of view. Not even Mozart and the Whale or Adam have been able to do that. And for that matter, I hope Chris-Chan ends up seeing it; at the age of 28, Temple was getting her Master's, and at that age, Chris is sitting in his room, unaware of the sort of jobs that would employ anyone with a CADD certificate 10 years after graduating high school.
The 5000 Fingers of Dr. T. This film is an unjustly overlooked classic created by none other than Dr. Seuss, and as much as he was known for writing books for very small children, it also seems unusually naturalistic for a writer known for creating entire species out of whole cloth just for the sake of creating a decent rhyme. Of course, by the standards of 1950s film, it is amazingly bizarre, and I think it manages to hit the perfect balance between the normal and bizarre for my style.

Quote: "We should always believe children. We should even believe their lies."
—Mr. Zabladowski

Issue 183

2010-09-19T19:03:00.002-05:00

News/Review: In Defense of The Searchers.
Recently, I was browsing TVTropes when I stumbled upon a page for reviews of John Ford's classic "The Searchers." The only review of it was negative, but there were just too many wrong points in that review for me to accept it. The first paragraph focuses on the portrayal of the Comanche nation. After making a good point about how their sole motivation for taking Debbie seemed to be to rape some white women, he made a mention about how he didn't like that they were so incompetent after that incident. It should be noted that at that point in the Indian wars when the film was set, the Comanches were clearly losing, and most of them had already been sent to reservations. And besides, they kept a woman captive for five years; they clearly had to have been doing something right. He goes on to complain some more about the portrayal of the Indians (I really have to ask: was he really expecting something like Dances with Wolves in 1956? It was certainly a fair portrayal for its day)even though, the fact is, that John Ford makes it perfectly clear that their actions are driven by a general hatred of the white man because, well, they tended to be no more likable than John Wayne's character Ethan Edwards was. Which brings him to the next point; he seems to think that Ethan is like every other character John Wayne played. Funny, I don't remember Tom Doniphon trying to desecrate Liberty Valance's corpse on the off-chance that it would hurt him in the afterlife, and I don't remember Sean Thornton giving Will Danaher rabbit-punches during their famous Donnybrook in the same way that Ethan shoots at retreating enemies in this film. And while the "Look" subplot definitely hasn't aged very well, it is certainly an oversimplification to compare Martin to Tonto, especially since, while Tonto was effectively the Lone Ranger's loyal slave, MArtin has several moments where he calls out Ethan on his behavior (like when he tries to kill Debbie, who has gone native.) The reviewer seems to miss the depth of the characters, apparently seeing the main conflict of the film as being Ethan vs. Comanches, and missing the point that, clearly, there are unlikable people on every side of a conflict, and Ethan and Scar both fit the bill for their societies very well. However, he seems to have not noticed that the conflict that is given more screen time is clearly the conflict between Martin and Ethan, with Martin acting as Humphrey van Weyden to Ethan's Wolf Larsen. The fact is, that this film is not even really about the rescue of a woman from the Indians. It is, in essence, a film about how revenge shapes the nature of our minds.

Issue 182

2010-08-30T17:27:00.003-05:00

News: This news item made me laugh more than any in recent times.
Folks, it's been a long time since I last updated this blog, and there's been a lot of news, and I think the best news in that time is Barack Obama officially declaring Operation Iraqi Freedom finished, leading to the eventual end of the war, actually doing something that contradicts my image of him as being a big letdown of a president. However, one other story I've found interesting has broken through recently; 39 grand-nephews of Adolf Hitler have been located, and their DNA has been analyzed. It has long been noted that Hitler fell far short of the "Aryan" ideal of blonde, blue-eyed supermen, but one result has been surprising: he had a rare gene called Haplogroup E1b1b1, that is most common among North Africans, and, (this is the kicker) Jews. So, in essence, Adolf Hitler, the man who probably made the most headway in the attempts to destroy the Jews, was, in fact, probably Jewish, and not only Jewish, but also possibly Black. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAH!!!!! Surprisingly, the rumors that he was partly Jewish were long circulating that allegedly, Hitler's paternal grandfather was Jewish, but those rumors are believed to be just that among historians, and, of course, Hitler wouldn't have been accepted as a Jew, since the descent is maternal. However, if the information in the article is true, there must have been some Jewish blood somewhere along the line.

Film Idea of the Day: Pore Jud is Laiv (sic). Some time void opens up in the world of Rodgers and Hammerstein's Oklahoma, and several characters are transported to the era when the film based on their lives is touring on the roadshow circuit. Several other contemporary films (the only ones I can think of right now being Seven Brides for Seven Brothers and The Searchers) suffer a similar phenomenon and eventually split into factions led by Jud and Curly (both from Oklahoma!,) and both are portrayed as anti-heroes, taking their characterizations in the film (as a lovesick drunk who may possibly be a serial killer, and the man who tries to get him to kill himself over a picnic basket.) I hope to give them something larger to fight about than a woman's affection if all the assorted companies that hold the copyrights will allow this Massively Multiplayer Crossover Event to exist.

Review of the Day: Downfall. Yes, this is the movie from which all the "Angry Hitler" clips came, and I'm probably one of the few people who was inspired to watch the movie due to the clips, and I still have to admit that, while it is one in a long line of German "scar films" that deal with the legacy of totalitarianism in their country, or countries, it is different in that, for the first time, Hitler himself is portrayed in a German movie as a human being and not a bogeyman lurking in the shadows. Don't get me wrong, even in this movie the Fuhrer is beyond pity (especially since he not only brags about the genocide he's committed, but also suggests a scorched-earth policy with regards to his own people), but in doing so, it ultimately reminds the audience that, as human as Hitler was, he was ultimately a truly degraded specimen, especially in those last days.

Link of the Day: Come on, you knew this one had to come.

Quote: "Your challenge is to write crossover fanfiction combining Chronicles of Narnia and World War II. The story should use a secret government plot as a plot device!"
_______________The Terrible Crossover Fanfiction Idea Generator, apparently unaware that Pan's Labytinth Already exists.

Tract Review: Stinky. An extremely dull Halloween tract, this one is mainly notable for being yet another incident of obvious self-promotion on Jack's part, with two kids being saved by a Chick Tract, and Satan going ballistic due to one smuggled into Hell.

Issue 181

2010-08-16T11:00:00.002-05:00

News: MGM possibly going out of business: the Good and the Bad.
Well, one of the great American film studios has fallen on hard times, and because of that, it appears that there's only going to be 22 Bond films, and in addition, the film adaptation of The Hobbit will be at least put on hold, and I admit that if I gave a damn about fantasy movies in the first place, I would be galled by that. However, one other film that was more recently in the pipeline that is going to be affected by the studio's hard times is the remake of the 1984 film Red Dawn. I learned about the remake while I was setting up for a show at work, and I had a debate with my boss about whether it would be in any way plausible, and I doubted it was, and still do. In effect, the original, being about the invasion of Colorado by the Soviet army, would at least have made a little sense, perhaps it could have been seen as being a little bit plausible for anybody who grew up knowing Brezhnev as the leader of the USSR. Yes, the wisdom of one nuclear power leading an invasion of another is very suspect, especially considering that the invadee has no first-use policy, and the invader does(though nowhere near as stupid as unloading every nuclear weapon it has on a small coastal nation), but the fact that, at the time, Russia was an enemy of the USA at least gave the movie some credibility, even if, almost immediately after the film's release, things changed. However, in the remake, it's China who invades America. The problem is that making China the invader makes no sense in the current world situation, especially since, officially, China and America are neither allies nor enemies, things seem to point more strongly towards the former. To make an apt comparison, the Olympics before the original was released was in Moscow. We boycotted it. However, the most recent Olympics was in Beijing, and we didn't. I can imagine a movie like "Islamist Dawn," where Islamist militants from the Middle East manage to somehow take over the world could somehow work, even if the specifics of the invasion would almost certainly be as silly as that of the original, but the suspension of disbelief required to let Islamist militants on the other side of the world manage to be strong enough to take over is much less than that required to believe that China would actually feel the need to do it.

Film Idea of the Day: After writing a deeply insane children's book, an author of detective fiction is told to keep writing what made him famous, and his mind unravels as he writes it.

Film Review of the Day: Aisha. I was dragged into this movie yesterday. It was a Bollywood version of Jane Austen's Emma. Wow. A novel by an author I detest like a sickness in a genre I don't particularly care for. I was in for a treat. Sarcasm aside, Let me just do a capsule review.
Plot: It's just what you expect of it.
Music: Surprisingly for a genre known for its musicals, none of the music stays with you. Even the visuals for the musical numbers are utterly unremarkable.
Language: Pick a bloody language and stick with it! I can imagine using another language to "put on airs" or to communicate with someone from another country, but switching back and forth between languages at random just gets irritating. I suppose it's just annoying to me because I'm not from India, since it appears to be extremely common in Bollywood films.
Direction: Goes from being chaotic in the beginning to inept to just plain unremarkable. At several points, Rajshree Ohja tries to make montages, but especially in the shopping montage near the beginning, it seems more like she's just spiced frames out willy-nilly, or covering for damaged film stock. If this was done to disconcert the viewer (e.g. Natural Born Killers or Requiem For a Dream), this would have been Okay. However, in a musical romantic comedy for the proles of India, it makes no sense. As it turns out, the director seems to have made other films (I intend to review another film I hated, by a first time director, in the future), but, if IMDb is any indication, none of them were particularly consequential.

Quote of the Day: "Protestants

When I was watching a program (I believe on the History Channel) about Satanism, one person said basically that Catholicism represents all that the Devils is against (imagine that, Satanist might get along better with Catholics than most Protestants). [24.1]
I'm an atheist who agrees with Satanism as well, but I wouldn't tell that to my family. [24.2]
The word atheist may carry false connotations of being "immoral" or " that satanic ", and this of course is simply not true. [24.3]"
________________From the cPedia article on Satanism.

Link of the Day: C-Pedia. It's like Wikipedia, except the articles make no sense whatsoever.

Issue 180

2010-08-07T18:19:00.002-05:00

News: The path of life is most uncertain...
I'm sorry that I haven't been posting more often, and not sticking to my three times a week schedule, but at this point, I'm not even sure whether I'll be able to post even twice a month at this point. And, I have to admit that my computer is the main reason for that. As I mentioned earlier, I sent it to Dell for repairs, but it turned out that there was one major problem they didn't fix: my AC jack had suddenly decided to work only at random times. There is little rhyme or reason as to when it works and when it doesn't. For instance, the first time I had to recharge the battery today, it took several tries before I was able to get it to charge, and I had to get it to lie flat with the screen parallel to my mattress, the bottom part propped up by a pillow. Amazingly, not only did it keep charging when I removed the pillow, I have not so far had any other problems getting the laptop to charge. And while the touchpad is not as sensitive as it once was, there is occasionally the opposite problem: it suddenly stops working completely. The cursor won't move and the buttons won't click. I told Dad about it and I hope he rectified the problem. Another, even more major problem is that, at least for a while, it seems as though the internet server downstairs just stopped working, but, as you may have noticed, Dad also helped to rectify that problem, and let's just hope that it works. Of course, perhaps all of these problems will work themselves out, and it's just my worry wart that's keeping me from updating pages. I really hope I'm wrong and I am able to post thrice this month, and in the future.

Film Review of the Day: Hot Fuzz. I recently got into this movie, primarily due the fact that I discovered that Doug Walker, aka The Nostalgia Critic, considers it to be, at least to him, the funniest movie of all time. In essence, it's a parody of the many "Buddy Cop" movies from the 1980s on, but with two differences: 1) It's British (which I think almost automatically puts it on a higher level of humor than American movies, since), and 2) The makers of the movie not only have established that they know their stuff not only about cop movies (unfortunately, even some parodists don't even seem to know the difference between parodying a movie, and just mentioning it; I'm talking to you, Seltzer and Friedberg), but they also know a lot about actual police officers in the flesh world, and inserted a lot of actual mannerisms of police officers into their by-the-book cop character Nick Angel, and that even some things that you'd think were just jokes were actually inspired by actual police officers.

Quote of the Day: "Well, I wouldn't argue that it wasn't a no-holds-barred, adrenaline-fueled thrill ride. But there is no way you can perpetrate that amount of carnage and mayhem and not incur a considerable amount of paperwork. "
_____________Nick Angel, Hot Fuzz.

Link of the Day: Surprisingly, there appears to have been a new series on TGWTG, where one of the gamers actually reviews some old, ultra-violent British Public Information Films (the British versions of PSAs, but often longer, and frequently more horrifying.) I'm not sure what's worse, that the Brits thought it was a good idea to create a Saw-like movie about kids dying on farms or that the reviewer seemed to see fit to remind me of how I've been driven into the internet trainwreck that is Sonichu [about 1:58 in]

Issue 179

2010-07-24T09:30:00.003-05:00

News: Explanations, and my newest guitar.
I really wish I had been keeping up with my resolution to make three posts a month for this blog, but there've been problems, and let me tell you, my tooth drama has long since been resolved. However, there have been some major problems with my laptop that have necessitated that it be sent to the manufacturer to have much of the hardware (except, apparently, for the hard drive) replaced. The problems have, among other things, included the touchpad being messed up so that, if I so much as pass over a hyperlink, the cursor clicks on it. In addition, when posting something like this, the bar keeps jumping around, making it impossible to post. Fortunately, I sent it before going on a two-week vacation. And now, I've got my old backup laptop to use, and it seems to be working normally, at least for now, and now that the cottages I'm staying in have managed to get Wi-Fi (even if it is especially spotty, particularly in the afternoons), I can write and even post my blog entries from my bedroom.
In addition, I'd like to talk to you about Feckslayer, a guitar from a dimension where all screamed for naught, wrought from the silver heart of heaven's false promise, laced with vessels that pulsed with angel's menstrual blood, hewn from the horns of Satan's generals. Seriously, it is a Gibson SG-style guitar from a kit manufactured by Saga. My dad suggested that, as a project for the summer, we should build a guitar, and, we eventually settled on the SG kit (we had a choice of Stratocaster, Les Paul, Telecaster, SG, and Flying V-style kits), and, as it turned out, it seems that the most difficult part of making the guitar was putting the paint on it. And, yes, between the need to let the paint cure before applying gloss, sanding out rough spots, having to refinish where we sanded too much, and finding out that, somehow, rubbing off the excess of wet paint where we oversprayed will also rub off every previous layer of paint, painting it was quite difficult so we decided to leave that job to the professionals at a car refinishing center, and they did a better job in a few hours than we did in a few weeks. And, surprisingly, putting the parts on, even the bigsby I used to replace the old tailpiece. After putting the finishing touches on a few days later (putting "F-slayer" and a rampant lion on the headstock), it was finished. It looks pretty badass and one imagines that it would be the sort of guitar that Daniel Plainview would play if they had electric guitars in the turn of the century.

Film Review of the Day: Toy Story 3. Well, all I can say about this movie is that it's pretty good, but astonishingly dramatic for a kid's movie. I must warn you that if you haven't seem Toy Story 1 and 2, you will most likely be lost, but if you have, you will cry. It is, in essence, a tale of growing up told from the perspective of Andy's toys. There are a few issues I have with the film, some of which involve the fact that it's amazingly dark for a G-rated film, particularly in the incinerator scene, although, to be fair, it seems mostly for those who saw the first two the first time they were in cinemas, and it's pretty strange when you consider that at the daycare center where they go, apart from the occasional adult at the beginning of the scenes, the bulk of the film implies that the adults have little control of the center, and there's one thing which bothered me about the series in general, but comes to the forefront in this film: that the toys don't even flinch when they're being torn apart by the kids in the Caterpillar Room, apparently only feeling it when the kids are out of the room. I wonder if, with all the thought that Pixar puts into their characters, they've ever explained how this works.

Quote/Link of the Day: Folks, I've read Thirty H's, I've read Maldoror, I've read Light and Dark: The adventures of Dark Yagami, I've read the Naked Lunch, and I've even read some excerpts of the 120 Days of Sodom. But somehow, it came to pass that this article by Pat Boone qualifies as one of the most deranged things I've read.

Issue 178

2010-07-03T19:58:00.004-05:00

News: Cinema on Criterion: Crack is Cheaper.
In the past twelve months, I've managed to get my hands on a few Criterion DVDs that had just gone out of print. Most recently, five films from one of my favorite directors, Luis Bunuel, had just gotten out of circulation, and I managed to get two of them: The Milky Way and The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie. So far, this just leaves Belle de Jour as the only one of his later French works to remain in circulation. Just before that, I managed to get Ran, The Third Man, Grand Illusion, Tales of Hoffman, and Pierrot Le Fou while I could. Surpsisingly, a lot of this has been happening extremely recently: I managed to come across a list of OOP Criterion titles from October 2009, and there were only 24 titles on the list. With the latest two extinction events, as I call them, the total has become 59. Yes, suddenly, Criterion seems to be hemorrhaging titles, and who pays for it? The fans who were hoping for the right time to get the titles they wanted and give the copy they kept renting from the local video rental to somebody else for a change. And the fact that most, if not all, of these titles will be extremely expensive ($30 a pop) doesn't help. The thing that I think is a big middle finger to the cinephiles who would want to acquire them is that, while for most of the titles I mentioned, it appears that there are no plans to put them back on the market anytime soon, some of the titles are available, but only on Studiocanal Blu-Ray. I can certainly imagine that many of the titles would look good on Blu-ray, especially the scenery porn that is Ran, but the fact is that just because somebody is willing to pay upwards $30 for a single-disc DVD that may or may not have had any special features doesn't mean that they're going to be receptive to having to buy a whole new system just to be able to buy a new title. I personally am considering holding back on Blu-ray until I can buy a portable player at Costco so I can watch them on vacation. And it's not just art-house distributors who are doing this, by the way. Just to list one example, according to Amazon, Kevin Smith's Dogma is only available on Blu-ray now. Why? DVD is still going strong; making certain titles only available on Blu-Ray is not going to change that. It's just going to piss off the people who still prefer DVD.

Film Review: Bugsy Malone. I recently stumbled upon this movie, a gangster movie with only preteens in the cast, at Skokie Public Library, and I found that, while utterly bizarre (twelve-year old Jodie Foster in such a sexualized performance is unsettling even if you remember her as a child prostitute in Taxi Driver), many of the songs in the film are earworms; Even right now, I can hear the words "we're the very best at being bad" being sung in my head. It's certainly worth a look, but it's not available on DVD, only VHS. This problem really needs a once-over.

Quote of the Day: "The inquisitors were torturing Harry. First, Ignatius used the rock. Then Billy asked Harry if he wanted to read his BDSM blog. Harry was so surprised that his pants flew right off. He was wearing women's underpants. The inquisitors were wearing them, too. They realized that they were all men of the lord."

Link of the Day: A new reading of Thirty H's: The greatest Harry Potter Fanfic ever.

Tract Reviews: The Poor Revolutionist: I can only assume that this tract was re-released to capitalize on right-wing fears that Obama=Black Revolutionary Antichrist, and not Obama=milquetoast who can't even get Universal Health Care to pass yet. None of this stops the tract from feeling hopelessly dated.

Things to Come: Apparently, a Gypsy Catholic fortune teller decides to tell a Fundie what for, after she learns he can tell the future, but, surprise surprise, gets interested in getting saved, but in an unusual Gainax ending, the rapture occurs, and we're left hanging. Also features first person narration. Besides, everybody knows that only one man could see the future and his name was Oswald Spengler.

Issue 177

2010-06-22T17:21:00.003-05:00

News: An Alternate View of Aldo Raine.
As I mentioned earlier, I have become increasingly immersed in the life of this autistic manchild by the name of Christian W. Chandler and his crappy webcomic. By this point, I am less horrified by what I see than I was. What I didn't mention was that he claims to be part Native-American, noting that, especially in the south, where he is from, having Native ancestry was often cover for having Black ancestry (apparently the one-drop rule didn't apply to the native folk.) This immediately got me to thinking about somebody from a movie I had seen a year ago who claimed to be of Native American ancestry, Aldo Raine from Inglorious Basterds. In addition, he has a scar on his neck that is supposed to be rope burn (this is not so easy to see in the film itself, but it is much easier to see in publicity shoots and the cover of the one-disc edition,) and the published script implies that Raine was the survivor of a lynching. So my theory is that the people in his hometown of Maynardville, TN, discovered he was partially black, and attempted to lynch him for a crime he (considering his brutality in the film) might have actually committed, but by some freak accident, survived, and turned his anger towards the bigotry of his region, and after it became clear that the American Army was going to fight them, their international equivalents, The Nazis. And, as soon as he realized that the Army would be less unkind towards both being mixed-race and the sociopathic behavior Raine clearly harbored, he fit in like a glove, and he rose through the ranks. And knowing Quentin Tarantino, I'm fairly certain that Fritz Lang's anti-lynching film Fury somehow fits in, but I don't know where.

Film Idea of the Day: N/A.

Film Review of the Day: My Sister's Keeper. I managed to get this movie recently, and I have to say that the idea is certainly an interesting one, and, indeed, seems somewhat Randian in its plot: a child is born pretty much as spare parts for her leukemic sister, and eventually has enough and files for medical emancipation, seeming to recall the interesting things of Ayn Rand's novels, namely the triumph of the individual over the demands of altruism, without the romantic plot tumors or fighting collectivism from a collective. What I really liked about the film was its ending, and especially how different it turned out to be from its original novel. In both, the well sister got medical emancipation, but in the original novel, according to TVTropes, she immediately got killed by a bus and had her kidneys donated anyway. However, in the film, it turned out that the sick sister actually masterminded the plan for the well sister to apply for emancipation to let her mother finally know she had had enough and wanted an end to all the suffering, and so, it turns out that both sisters get the suffering to stop on both ends, and even their hard-ass of a mother ends up lightening up in the end, as seen as when they go to Montana. Unfortunately, a lot of the movie, particularly the parts which didn't have to do with the major plot (read: the flashbacks) I just couldn't relate to.

Quote of the Day: "Your definition is narrow; life insisting on life’s viewpoint, when alternatives exist."
______________Dr. Manhattan on the point of view of the mother in My Sister's Keeeper.

Link of the Day: A song I think should have ended the movie, and could have even lightened the mood, and would still be fitting.

Issue 176

2010-06-14T14:02:00.003-05:00

News: Why I'm unsure that my Alan Mencken project will ever get off the ground.
For a while, I've been conceptualizing an idea for an album of covers of songs composed by Oscar-Winning Composer Alan Mencken, many of which will be changed from being relatively faithful re-imaginings of the songs to completely off-the-wall versions.
Some of the ideas I've been thinking about for this one:
*Somewhere That's Green: Very similar to the original, only piano and vocals, but the vocals are done like Tom Waits, with very little lyrical change. "I look like Donna Reed" indeed!
*Part of Your World: Ideally, the first verse would be done as a mambo, but the rest of the song would be done as a punk number in line with Sid Vicious' "My Way."
*Under The Sea: Style Parody of the Steve Miller Band, particularly "Fly Like an Eagle."
*Kiss the Girl: Done as Astral Weeks-era Van Morrison.
*Beauty and the Beast: Power Ballad in the style of Sister Christian, with similar slide guitar work to Badfinger's Day After Day.
*Medley: One Jump Ahead/Friend Like Me/Prince Ali. Done as a single medley in the style of Django Reinhardt's Quintet of the Hot Club of France, with solos on guitar and violin (which may or may not be synthesised), and possibly some extremely low-key vocals.
*A Whole New World: Done in Two Versions, Three if you count the intentional false start in one version: Version A begins simply, with the first line sung, punctuated with a single, extremely deep and dense piano chord which lasts for upwards of a minute. The song resumes as a style parody of The Moody Blues' "Ride My Seesaw," complete with synthetic three-part harmonies, for both male and female singers. Version B is done as a solo number only accompanied by violin, and possibly a whip (which once again, may or may not be synthesised.)
*Colors of the Wind: Part 1 is a style parody of Rod Stewart's Rhythm of my Heart, before I manage to hijack the song half-way through, turning it into a doo-wop number, and adding an entire instrumental break, which includes me arguing with the female singer about my interruption, before finally working on collaborating in the end.
*Savages: A style parody of two early-twentieth-century mental patients, one singing after getting into the doctor's supply of Amyl Nitrites, and the other playing pianos while in the first stages of neurosyphillis, or whatever the hell brought Nietzsche to his complete mental collapse.
*Heaven's Light/Hellfire-Done as a duet, Heaven's Light done as a Jimmy Webb song, but Hellfire done as a number from Sweeney Todd, naturally, pared down to the essentials for both cases, climaxing in Sweeney Todd's work whistle.
*True Love's Kiss: Well, Hurra Torpedo is probably the best way to go for this song.
*That's How You Know: Instead of the calypso beat of the original song, it would be done as a style parody of Led Zeppelin's "Fool in the Rain."

As you can imagine, this would definitely need to be more than just one man and his guitar. However, I'm not sure whether such a thing could get off the ground. Here's the sort of thing I'm looking for in the band members:
*Female Singer: Her voice should be pretty far-removed from the sort of Broadway feel that seems to pervade through many of Mencken's songs, and ideally, it should be somewhat like Kim Deal from the Pixies, or any other female singer to alt-rock bands who are mainly remembered because Kurt Cobain idolized them. She may or may not play any of the other four instruments below.
*Keyboardist: My plan is that the Keyboardist should be the skeleton key to making the band truly work, and to help realize the goals. Ideally, he (any he's used from here on in are gender-neutral) would have as varied musical tastes as me, and as you might have guessed, my tastes are extremely eclectic [In my music queue right now are Pierre Boulez, Tenacious D, The Byrds, Hot Rats, Van Halen (not Van Hagar), and Miles Davis' Bitches Brew.]
*Bassist: Should be able to play both bass guitar and upright bass (for songs with styles that wouldn't work on bass guitar, like the Django Reinhardt medley)
*Lead Guitarist/Drummer: No special requirements here, although, if possible, for the Django Reinhardt medley, should be competent enough on guitar to keep up the rhythm (along with me, as Django Reinhardt did have two rhythm guitarists.)
And to have these sort of musicians play mainly radically changed versions of Disney Songs? You see why I'm not sure about the future of the project.

Movie Review: Bruno. I finally managed to get my hands on a copy of the final movie in the Sascha Baron Cohen trilogy recently, and let me tell you, it may not be as funny as Borat was, but it certainly has its moments, including a Missed Moment of Awesome where Bruno meets the "God Hates Fags" gang and simply does nothing but walk past them onto a bus. It was while he was in leather, huddled and handcuffed onto another guy, but still. In fact, some of the best scenes, as the DVD release showed, ended up on the cutting room floor, including an interview with a Neo-Nazi leader. However, the material is almost all fresh, with very little reworking of past antics, as far as I remember, from the Ali G Show. Even where both the series and film have a gay converter, Bruno doesn't ask the same questions for both interviews. And yes, the Hitler references get old pretty fast, but there is a talking penis in the movie, but it is only on for a brief moment, shouting "Bruno!" and even then, only as computer-generated bumper for a prospective Bruno television series.

Idea of the Day: It's somewhat like Sex in the City, except aimed heavily towards men, and often seeming like In the Company of Men: The Series, including a short story writer obsessed with Charles Bukowski, a dirty cop who can, if the occasion strikes, be as much of a monster as Mr. Blonde from Reservoir Dogs, a businessman who moonlights as a blues guitarist and is the token nice guy of the group, and a cold, rational, neurosurgeon.

Issue 175

2010-05-27T10:46:00.002-05:00

News: How not to do a Jesus biopic: Another long-term essay.
A few weeks ago, I saw the movie, The Passion of the Christ. My mother heard about it, and she said that she never wanted to see it (and she's the most religious member of my immediate family, although for her, it means self-identifying as Lutheran, and occasionally going to Church on Christmas or Easter, depending on her health), especially since she heard that it was little more than a glorified snuff film. Well, I ended up renting it from the library, and, it turns out, she was right. The fact is that it was almost entirely devoted to the torture and execution of Jesus, with surprisingly little focus on any other aspect of his life. And, even though they went through the trouble of translating the script into the languages that would have actually been spoken at the time, they even manage to get that wrong, especially since the Roman soldiers were speaking in ECCLESIASTICAL LATIN. Honestly, if you're going to translate your dialogue into a foreign, dead, language, make sure it's the right one. I like a bit of the old ultraviolence now and again, but really, when the entire point of the movie is devoted to one man's execution, it is not good. Even Funny Games took time out of showing the two men torturing the Yuppie family to break the fourth wall and play Naked City music. To keep the contrast to other religious movies, The Passion of Joan of Arc devoted itself to the last few hours of the life of a saint, but C.T. Dreyer focused the movie not only on the suffering itself, but also at least gave Joan some character development. However, Mel Gibson gives his Jesus very little room for such character development, and gives us no real reason to care about his suffering except that we're supposed to care about Jesus being crucified. Indeed, I think there can be, and actually have been, some great interpretations of Jesus' life on film, like Pasolini's Gospel According to Matthew (although a lot of my admiration can be due to its eclectic sountrack), Nicholas Ray's King of Kings, or, in terms of sheer comprehensiveness, Zefferelli's Jesus of Nazareth. I'd even recommend Scorsese's Last Temptation of Christ, even if its casting choices are suspect, to say the least, and it isn't even based on the Gospels. While we're on adaptations of the Bible done by unusual people, I recently read R. Crumb's adaptation of the Book of Genesis, and, as it turns out, the man who created Mr. Natural and wrote the source material for the first X-rated cartoon film actually does a pretty good job of adapting the first book of the Bible. He even manages to make the "begats" interesting by actually giving the people being "begotten" a face, and it's actually surprisingly reverent for R. Crumb, and quite possibly the most oddly reverent adaptation of the Bible since Aphrodite's Child's rock opera of Revelation: "666."

Relevant Quote: "The New Testament tells two stories for two different sorts of readers. One is the old story of the achievement of our salvation by the sacrifice and atonement of a divine personage who was barbarously slain and rose again on the third day: the story as it was accepted by the apostles. And in this story the political, economic, and moral views of the Christ have no importance: the atonement is everything; and we are saved by our faith in it, and not by works or opinions (other than that particular opinion) bearing on practical affairs.

The other is the story of a prophet who, after expressing several very interesting opinions as to practical conduct, both personal and political, which are now of pressing importance, and instructing his disciples to carry them out in their daily life, lost his head; believed himself to be a crude legendary form of god; and under that delusion courted and suffered a cruel execution in the belief that he would rise from the dead and come in glory to reign over a regenerated world. In this form, the political, economic and moral opinions of Jesus, as guides to conduct, are interesting and important: the rest is mere psychopathy and superstition."
_______________________George Bernard Shaw, Preface to Androcles and the Lion.

Tract Reviews: The Little Sneak: a kid hides his parents' life savings and a preacher coerces him to giving up the money's location. For his trouble he is killed.
Is Allah Like You: A muslim father reads the Quran and finds out how much of an A-hole Allah is, and converts to Christianity. Jack is completely oblivious that many of these criticisms he makes of Islam can be made of Christianity, and can even be given scriptural citations.

Issue 174

2010-05-14T12:55:00.002-05:00

News: Why I haven't been updating.
As you may have noticed, it's been two weeks since I updated the blog. Well, there are two reasons, and first among them is that I've spent a lot of it studying for my finals, the last of which I had yesterday. However, another thing has been distracting me for the past several weeks: a webcomic called Sonichu, and I'm sorry to say that, after discovering this webcomic, Billy the Heretic no longer deserves the title of the worst webcomic. After all, comprehension of that webcomic isn't dependent upon taking a journey into one autistic manchild's personal hell. If you want to know what the comic is like, there are audiobooks on youtube that help propel the crap into "So Bad it's Good" level, quite possibly making it seem like his work is similar to Daniel Johnston, except without the naive charm. From this, you'd probably notice that it's an astonishingly bad webcomic from its second-grade-art-project level art (the author is almost thirty), and its story. But combining Sonic the Hedgehog and Pikachu in the same way as old Reese's commercials do with Peanut Butter and Chocolate is just the beginning. Slowly, the plot becomes more depressing when it begins to focus on the life of the author himself, who is presented as Sonichu's actual father... somehow. In fact, according to some outside information, some of the villains correspond to a Community College dean who stopped him from stalking women, Walmart cops that did a similar thing, and (I'm not kidding here) his negative feelings about his High School graduation, which didn't recognize his art skills. I know that reading about life from the perspective of somebody with Autism can be interesting, like Mark Haddon's The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time, but our "Hero" is no Christopher Boone. From what I've heard, he's extremely arrogant and unpleasant (surprisingly enough, especially towards others on the Autistic spectrum and the few people who appear to genuinely be fans of his), refuses to get help for his problems, is selfish, extremely bigoted, and the real Chris isn't much different. For that matter, there is a wiki that contains an alarmingly exhaustive amount of information on his life, as gathered by the people who troll him, including a horrifying amount of information about what passes for his sex life. And for some reason, it appears that he has given up on actually working for the Sonichu comic in favor of just becoming the most genuinely horrifying internet phoenomenon.

Film Idea of the Day: After discovering that there is no rule that states that a man can't be part of a nominally all-female beauty contest, he manages to do whatever he can to win, but, in the end, he doesn't. Yes, it is a parody of all those sports movies where sports teams include an unusual player (like a 12-year old boy ot a dog) because there's no rule against it.

Film Review of the Day: Zardoz. Well, the movie begins as a giant stone head falls to earth, proclaims the Penis to be evil, and spits out truckloads of weaponry, and it makes much less sense from there. Well, from what I could gather, a lot of it was about Sean Connery killing the pilot of said stone head (a man with boxer shorts on his head and facial hair obviously drawn on with magic marker). It makes no damn sense, which is why I liked it so much.

Quote of the Day: "On the one hand you've got an absolutely vile person who's a racist, a homophobe and a borderline sociopath among other evils, but let's face it, his opponents aren't really much better than a gaggle of schoolyard bullies. Whoever wins, human decency loses. "
__________TVTropes on the conflict between the author of Sonichu and his trolls.

Link of the Day: I won't give a link to the actual wiki, but I will put a link that gives a little more insight into how far gone this guy is.

Issue 173

2010-04-30T15:41:00.003-05:00

News: Why no 201?
For a few years now, I've been watching South Park and, increasingly so, online. I mention this because when I saw the episode "200," and I noticed all the setups for a lot of subplots to be resolved, just some of which were the true identity of Cartman's father (as it turned out, it was Scott Tenorman's dad, whom Cartman fed to him in Season 5), and the return of Mecha-Streisand and the Super Best Friends, including the unveiling of Muhammad. However, it is the last of these which led to the episode being censored. It has aired exactly once, and it has not been released to the official website, all due to threats from Muslims to Comedy Central and Matt and Trey over Muhammad's appearance in a bear suit (and it wasn't even Muhammad in that case, but Santa Claus). Needless to say, the episode was, in fact, awesome, except for one thing: the censorship. Granted, I should have expected that Muhammad would not be seen, and I admit that I even found it somewhat absurd that every single instance of the utterance of his name was bleeped, but the thing that truly made it frustrating was the fact that the speeches at the end were bleeped all the way through. Honestly! What else is there to say? If religious groups have any say in what should or should not be put in any entertainment that isn't their own, I think it is at that point that religious groups have too much power over the world.

Film Idea of the Day: Several teenagers are locked up in a juvenile hall for minuscule crimes. Think of it as Breakfast Club meets Grand Illusion.

Film Review of the Day: The Ruling Class. In essence, the son of a Lord, who thinks he is Jesus Christ, and has to get a more socially acceptable personality, so he goes to an institution, and eventually begins to think he is Jack the Ripper, which turns out to be the more socially acceptable personality. As odd as the plot seems, it is pretty funny, and one of Peter O'Toole's better films, and quite possibly an interesting homage to Dostoevsky's The Idiot.

Quote of the Day: Custer: "Gentlemen, you are the bravest squadron of men it has ever been this southerner's privilage to serve with. And you will need that bravery today, as your orders are to remove my pants and underpants. I will then attempt to force sex on an Indian girl under heavy enemy fire. Are there any questions?"

Custer's military advisor: "Yes, general. Several."

Link of the Day: Nothing this week.

Issue 172

2010-04-19T15:18:00.003-05:00

News: My Five Least Favorite Books.
Here is the impetus for writing this book: recently, my worplace decided to pose us in the position of the Last Supper, and I decided to portray Judas (although it turned out to be more of a combination of Peter's position with Judas' elbow, oddly enough), and it came out that some members of the crew actually believed that the figure to Jesus' immediate right was Mary Magdalene, and I ended up blowing up at the person who talked about it. After that, I was browsing TVTropes and stumbled upon their page for the Turner Diaries. I knew then that the next blog entry I wrote had to be about the worst books of all time. So, here's my top five, and, astonishingly to some, Jane Austen's works are not on this list, because, while I do dislike them with a passion, their major flaw is that they are utterly dull to anybody with a Y chromosome, and not facepalmingly stupid.
5. The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown.
Well, the title bucks art historical convention and calls Leonardo simply "Da Vinci", even though it's not his actual surname. It's all downhill from there, with regards to historical accuracy. Just to take one example: The vessel for holding the wine is actually in the picture, but it's not the gilded and bejewled common cup of legend; they're all individual glasses that could have been used by anybody in that time period. Admittedly you can only see it if you're looking at an ultra-high-quality picture, but once you did, Teabing's claim that the Grail is in the picture in the form of Mary Magdalene (actually John the apostle, incidentally, and has been identified as such for many years before most of the other disciples in the picture). For a book that claims to be 99% accurate, I am not impressed.
4. Twilight by Stephanie Meyers.
I am almost certain that somewhere in the Middle East, there are some people who will use this book as an argument against giving women education. In essence, you have a woman who is driven to stalking the one person who doesn't love bomb her as soon as she moves to her new town. And it turns out that he's a vampire, which to Stephanie Meyer, seems to entail simply drinking goat's blood, being androgynous, and sparkling in the sunlight [Well, I'm okay with toying with the symptoms of vampirism, like with Cassidy in Preacher, but narrowing it down to those three?], and worst of all, the vampire has graduated from High School literally dozens of times. WHY IN PLUPERFECT HELL WOULD HE NOT JUST PASS FOR YOUNG ADULT FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE? HONESTLY!
3. Battlefield Earth by L. Ron Hubbard.
Well, in either book or movie forms, this has to be one of the worst tales in any medium, and there are enough plot holes in either form to fill the Royal Albert Hall. While general consensus is that the book is much better, I admit that I stray from the consensus here for several reasons.
A) John Travolta's Terl is way too entertaining.
B) In the books, the climax is literally 1/3 of the way through. The film's climax, as muddled as it is, is at least in its proper place near the end, probaBLY because it was supposed to be the first half of one long movie.
C) Blatant Ethnic Stereotyping. That is all.
D) Johnny is even more questionable. Johnny is considered a hero after vanquishing the evil Psychlos by destroying their planet, except that, in the book, they're only evil due to another race's mind control. Nobody rethinks Johnny's motives.
TIE:
1A) Left Behind. I've done enough on this subject. I don't need to run over why this is on my list.
1B) The Turner Diaries by William Luther Pierce.
Surprisingly, Pierce is probably the most competent writer on the list. However, what he does to merit the lowest position is to write what is probably the most evil novel I've ever read, especially since it's apparently supposed to double as a how-to guide for a White revolution. What truly astonishes me is that Pierce goes into how crime and punishment under the Order would work after they take Southern California, and it's astonishingly brutal: apparently the only punishment for any crime, whether commited by or against whites (for instance, owning a restaurant that serves all races) is summary execution. This is presented as unambiguously good, even though it's clear that they're clearly worse than The System could ever be. Somebody should probably write a book about how a real-world government would face such an insurrection.

Review of the Day: Since I recently finished reading the first four books of Hubert Selby Jr, one of my favorite writers, I decided to review his books.
Last Exit to Brooklyn. I read about the book in Junior year of high school, but couldn't make it past Tralala, but eventually I made it to the end last summer. It was actually pretty good. Admittedly, I'm not sure whether it should count as a novel or a collection of short stories, but, either way, it's one of Selby's best.
The Room. This is the book I finished reading recently. In fact, it is even more brutal than Last Exit was. In fact, Selby himself couldn't read it after writing it. If you thought a teenaged prostitute getting gang-raped by a dozen drunken sailors was brutal, you haven't seen anything yet.
The Demon. Well, this is his most subtle work of the four I read, less overtly terrifying and more subtle, explaining the motives behind Harry White's increasing evil in scenes less overt than his previous terms.
Requiem for a Dream. Well, Darren Aronofsky got the essence of the story, and a lot of the little things in the novel down to their essence in 100 minutes, but the novel is much less emotionally satisfying, and I think that, in this case, not giving the audience much closure is best, since it's probably best for the reader to imagine what is happening in the end.

Issue 171

2010-04-03T17:43:00.002-05:00

News: Why no Update?
Well, I haven't told anybody about this, but I resolved last New Year's to update the blog at least three times a month. However, I haven't been living up to this resolution, and I think it's necessary to tell you why: Two weeks ago, I broke my tooth on, of all things, a chicken nugget. Of course, it wasn't an actual tooth; more of a reconstruction of a tooth that I broke eight years ago. However, before I could get that replaced, I had to have a root canal a week and a half later. Of course, between the nitrous, my listening to Love's Forever Changes [notice to anybody who doesn't want to talk about it: every song on the album is on YouTube, currently playlisted by somebody named sixties4ever13], and the fact that the tooth's pulp was dead, it was actually somewhat pleasant. On Tuesday, I'll be getting a temporary cap, and a permanent cap will soon follow. However, there's also another thing complicating matters considerably: For speech class, I have been working on a group project, and getting everybody together to film it has been a logistical nightmare. Fortunately, there should be enough material to mine several ideas for future issues to come.

Film Idea of the Day: "God Hardened Pharoah's Heart" I'm thinking about an alternative History about what could have happened after Hiroshima. It begins with a plot to assassinate Hirohito to stop him from surrendering. This leads to operation Downfall coming into play. From what I'd heard, the plan was, in essence, to drop seven A-Bombs simultaneously, and then, a few days later (possibly as early as 48 hours after), to have Allied infantry invade Japan without any protection from radiation to kill as many survivors as possible until surrender. The movie itself involves several soldiers trying to survive in the radioactive wasteland that was formerly Japan, trying to kill Japanese combatants, only to die themselves of radiation sickness.

Film Review of the Day: African Queen. As a longtime fan of Humphrey Bogart, and DVD collector, I was surprised that only now was this movie, the only movie for which Bogie won an Oscar, getting a DVD release. I admit that it may not be on par with a lot of his movies, like Maltese Falcon, Treasure of the Sierra Madre, or Casablanca, but it's still a good movie, even if, after the restoration, the cinematography was really not as good as an Oscar-winning Golden Age Hollywood Technicolor movie deserves to be.

Quote of the Day: "Let all the world witness how many different means Fortune employs when she wishes to destroy a man."
__________Benvenuto Cellini, sculptor, memoirist, and first recorded serial killer.

Link of the Day: Nothing this week.

April Fools' Day Message.

2010-04-01T08:40:00.003-05:00

For the past century and a quarter, since H.G. Welles wrote his opus "The Time Machine," people have wondered whether time travel is actually possible, and if so, whether traveling to the past is possible or just the future. And after Christine Jorgenson had her sex change and the public was informed of how sex change operations really work, there has been the question of whether it is possible for sex change operations to be totally effective (i.e. whether it was possible to make a male into a genotypic female). Well, in my spare time I have been working on both problems for my master plan, and in the past week, I think I figured out the problems that would make both time travel and fully-functional sex change operations possible. How will they work, you ask? Well, I'm not telling you, but I have decided to explain why I was working on the two problems: I would have my sex changed, and then, I would use the time machine to go back into time to the 1980s, and I would create a time paradox by becoming MY OWN MOTHER! Why? Dammit, if people can accept that Russia would start a nuclear war with Israel without provocation, only for God to render their entire nuclear arsenal useless, all without sparking any debate about miracles, do I really have to explain why I would want to carry out so insane a plan? And I suppose you have to ask, did you really expect to succeed in this plan? And I say unto ye, I did it 35 minutes ago.

Issue 170

2010-03-18T16:07:00.002-05:00

News: To Beat Up A Child.
Recently, I came upon the news that a couple had beaten their seven-year-old daughter to death for mispronouncing a word. Incidentally, the daughter was adopted and from Libya. As it turns out, they were influenced by a book called To Train Up a Child, written by two evangelical Christians which claims to use "simple, Biblical principles" for child-rearing, and by "simple, Biblical principles," I mean whipping the devil out of your kids. Needless to say, they have no credentials in either theology or child development, and are well known to Child Protective Services. If children act in ways that you'd expect for their age, then the parents have failed. If they don't want to fail, they should do everything in their power to break their will. If a baby crawls out of his father's lap, according to the book, they should spank him for about 45 minutes. Yes, I kid you not. In essence, they compare childrearing to two things: Breaking a horse (even though I'm not entirely sure that horses are even treated like this when broken anymore), and warfare. At this point I have to say this: Look, if you hate kids, I understand. I admit that I tend to dislike being around children, especially loud-mouth children. But if you do, then simply spend as little time around them as possible. Don't have them yourself and don't tell others how to raise them.

Film Review and Idea of the Day: M. I recently looked into this classic of Wiemar cinema and I have to say that it was really impressive, especially in the climactic trial scene, Especially with the fact that criminals are the ones judging Peter Lorre (partly out of disgust for his actions, and partially for hurting their business by increasing police presence on the street), and that, as a result, the self-confessed child-killer actually becomes the most sympathetic character in the whole movie. In fact, in the days where Nancy Grace demands blood for every missing white girl that comes to her attention, this movie is probably more relevant than ever. Maybe, if the message would reach more people, there should even be a remake. Probably with Jackie Earle Haley in Peter Lorre's Role.

Quote of the Day: "I will tell you a pleasant tale which has in it a touch of pathos. A man got religion, and asked the priest what he must do to be worthy of his new estate. The priest said, "Imitate our Father in Heaven, learn to be like him." The man studied his Bible diligently and thoroughly and understandingly, and then with prayers for heavenly guidance instituted his imitations. He tricked his wife into falling downstairs, and she broke her back and became a paralytic for life; he betrayed his brother into the hands of a sharper, who robbed him of his all and landed him in the almshouse; he inoculated one son with hookworms, another with the sleeping sickness, another with gonorrhea; he furnished one daughter with scarlet fever and ushered her into her teens deaf, dumb, and blind for life; and after helping a rascal seduce the remaining one, he closed his doors against her and she died in a brothel cursing him. Then he reported to the priest, who said that that was no way to imitate his Father in Heaven. The convert asked wherein he had failed, but the priest changed the subject and inquired what kind of weather he was having, up his way. "
______________MArk Twain.

Link of the Day: An ally of That Guy With The Glasses. He even Has his own review of Death Bed.

Issue 169

2010-03-06T15:28:00.004-06:00

News/ Review: Billy the White Nationalist.
I have recently been a big reader of a website called the Bad Webcomics Wiki (I have linked to it a few Issues ago). It, as the title implies, is a catalog of reviews of some of the worst webcomics in existence. Ranging from genuinely awful works (like Shredded Moose), to works that are not so much awful as polarizing (like Megatokyo [a successful, if sentimental, webcomic] or Concession, that webcomic about the mouse who is made to think that he is molesting children due to a brain tumor, which I think is okay if you're in the market for something as insane as, say, All-Star Batman and Robin), and a few works which barely qualify as webcomics (from a series of photos of a guy with a chalkboard, to the collected works of Jack Chick.) What is generally considered to be the single worst webcomic around the web is a series called Billy The Heretic. What would you guess it's about from that title? A boy criticizing the Christian society around him, like Moral Orel, except more overt? Well, no. The blurb for it states that it is about the author's life as a Christian boy raised by Jewish parents. So you'd think that a comic like that would be shamelessly sentimental, and that's the reason it's so reviled, right? No. It is, in fact, blatant Anti-Semitic propoganda. I mean, sure, there's one or two strips in its archive (Surprisingly, the comic seems to have been around from time immemorial, but with less than 50 strips total) that will appeal to people who don't sleep with a copy of Mein Kampf under their pillows, but the vast majority of the strips seem like the kind of thing that Eric Cartman would have written. In fact, in the second strip, he calls his sister Mona (the only character besides Billy to have a name), a "rat with glasses." Yeah, that's right. He's recycling the characterization by the Nazis of the Jews as vermin. In fact, the entire point of the comic can be summarized as "Jews are evil", with a few strips of quibbling about points of the Holocaust as a substitutes for jokes (Yes, we know that Auschwitz is in Poland. It's still accurate to refer to it as "German" because it was operated by the Nazi government at a time when the state of Poland didn't even exist.) The characters are flat, and don't even have names, except for the sister, the art is atrocious, But the real kicker is his FAQ page, in which Billy states that he is sympathetic to the white nationalist movement. Now, let me explain why the idea of White Nationalism is idiotic; We shall set aside, for the moment, that the term is, simply put, an attempt by Racists to look more respectable, and like "Intelligent Design", it fools nobody. The fact is, that, simply put, White people do not constitute one nation; they occupy several nations that have a long history of quarreling with each other, and have several different languages, and even a few separate alphabets. If a people cannot at least share a common alphabet, they cease to be considered an ethnicity. For the record, It is worth noting that there was some debate as to which ethnicities counted as white a little over a century ago. In fact, the Irish and Italians were often counted as "not white" at the turn of the previous century. In short, as attempted PR makeovers go, it is as obvious as they come.

Band Name of the Day: n/a.

Film Idea of the Day: A woman finds that she is beginning to develop some sort of Precognition towards the life of her increasingly effeminate son. In the end, after some DNA tests, it turns out that the mother and child are actually one and the same. This is apparently possible due to time travel and fully-effective sex changes.

Quote of the Day: Well; this.

Link of the Day: More on action Park

Issue 168

2010-02-25T20:14:00.003-06:00

Issue: More on Autism.
Upon further research, I managed to Harry Lime myself. Two issues ago, I said that even in a newborn, it would have to take 2000 vaccines for the amount of thimerosal in vaccines to kill it. I found out a few days later that, of all the vaccines that are given to kids before the age of six, only seasonal flu vaccines even contain it, and not all flu vaccines contain it. In short, by this point, thimerosal is even less of an actual threat to their children. I mention this A) Due to my need to correct myself, and B) Because there is actually a possible new treatment for autism that might possibly work. From what I've heard, there is supposed to be a drug, currently called STX-107, that is supposed to limit a receptor that the pharmacologist Mark Bear believes could cause autistic behavior in Fragile X syndrome. It certainly seems interesting, although, admittedly, there is no concrete evidence yet that it could actually generalize results to patients all over the autistic spectrum, or, for that matter, that it can actually work in humans, but it is nevertheless interesting news. This raises an important question; I have hyperlexia, which is on the autistic spectrum. I have been able to fake my way through the Neurotypical world. Given that the disorder gives me a unique perspective on the world, would I take drugs that limit it? All I can say is that given my habit of blacking out and sometimes freezing when reminded of my abusive old school, not being able to relate to people is probably the least of my mental problems.

Film Review of the Day: Stalag 17. Who would have thought that a movie about being held hostage by one of the three most evil regimes would be so... light-hearted? I'm honestly quite surprised that somebody managed to make such a lighthearted movie about Nazi camps with the memory of Auschwitz so fresh in many minds, but I suppose the fact that it's just a POW camp and not Treblinka certainly helps with the mood dissonance.

Quote of the Day: "If the vaccine companies are not listening to us, it's their f___ing fault that the diseases are coming back. They're making a product that's s___. It shouldn't be polio versus autism.”
_______________Jenny McCarthy. The mere fact that she actually prefers a disease that cripples and kills kids slowly to autism should say a lot.

Link of the Day: Jenny McCarthy's Body Count.

Tract Review: Going Down? Folks, I truly have no idea what is going on here. The first four pages chronicle a Western Story. I can only assume that it is supposed to be a Deadwood reference about four years too late. The story switches to Jim Backus watching said western, while his wife Susan Boyle complains about the swearing (nonexistent, I might add. Not even symbols.) They get into a car crash and call their pastor Patrick Swayze and berate him for telling him that Hell doesn't exist. After having nightmares about Jim, Susan, and John Waters (who makes no other appearance in the tract) welcoming him to Hell, he has nurse Judy Ken Sebben from Harvey Birdman introduce him to somebody who looks like either Jimmy Carter or my Grandpa, who makes him rededicate himself to Jesus Christ. Ladies and Gentlemen, even with his history of claiming that the Catholic Church is directly responsible for every evil on Earth since the Edict of Milan to making some tracts with baffling premises, this would probably be the crowning evidence that Jack has some serious mental problems. Read it here.

Issue 167

2010-02-15T18:40:00.003-06:00

News: The Vaulting of Classic Movies Has Left me In Despair!
(Important Note: I came up with the title long before I lost control of my laptop [Something which has left me in despair], basing it on a series called Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei.)
Of all the classes I took at Oakton, my least favorite one was my section of Contemporary Culture and the Arts. Between the obtuse texts and disturbing photographs, it was one of the most depressing classes I'd taken. One of the few rays of light that came in the class was a showing of Chaplin's City Lights to ease our way from photography to the City, but that silver lining had a touch of grey when I realized that A) Despite acquiring the first volume of the Chaplin Collection, I never acquired the second volume which included City Lights, among other films, B) It was out of Print, and C) It was virtually unobtainable. After a failed attempt to order the movie online in November from a retailer that didn't even have it, I eventually resorted to eBay, and with my parents' help, I got it. As it turned out, virtually all of Chaplin's copyrighted films were out of print. The sole exception was 1967's Countess from Hong Kong. The realization of this shocked me. I mean, Chaplin was one of the greatest filmmakers of all time; why put his works out of print? I mean, imagine if all of Alfred Hitchcock's copyrighted films were unobtainable except for Torn Curtain. For that matter, imagine if Torn Curtain was the only Julie Andrews movie that was obtainable. I later managed to get a hold of the Third Man when I learned that it had gone out of print, and managed to buy it before I had to resort to eBay. And this is, in my opinion worse than what Walt Disney has been doing for years with the "Disney Vault." After all, with the Disney Vault, there is a known schedule; you can expect that a few years after the movie gets out of print, there will be a new, improved edition. And for that matter, at least Disney puts the movies in a rotation, as opposed to just taking them all out of print at once.

Film Review of the Day: The Kid, The Gold Rush, City Lights, Modern Times, The Great Dictator, and Limelight. - Really, all you need to do is to watch one of these movies to make you reaize that it is practically a crime to put all of these movies out of print.
The Circus- I haven't seen this one yet.
Monsieur Verdoux- Many other directors would kill to make a movie like Monsieur Verdoux. It really says a lot that this movie isn't even in this director's top five.
A Woman of Paris- I haven't seen this one yet, either, but from what I've heard, especially due to its sheer Out-of-place nature in Chaplin's oevure.
A King in New York- It's okay. Certainly not a masterpiece like many other movies Chaplin's made, but it is actually pretty funny. In fact, just because of the fact that it includes a scene in which we see Chaplin go to the movies and watching some previews, and one of these movies is Glen or Glenda. That's right; one of the greatest cinematic minds in history and one of the worst directors of all time meet. I can only imagine what would have happened if he had heard about Coleman Francis.
The Chaplin Revue- Well, it is a compilation of three of his last short movies with his narration and score, but at least those three shorts are among his best.

Quote of the Day: Wars, conflict - it's all business. One murder makes a villain; millions, a hero. Numbers sanctify, my good fellow!
__________Charlie Chaplin, in and as Monsieur Verdoux.

Link of the Day: Have you ever wondered what you really believed about the world? Here you can figure it out, somewhat.

Issue 166

2010-02-08T21:08:00.003-06:00

News: The Thiomersal Controversy.
A few weeks ago, I signed up for a human Development Class, but I eventually transferred to another section after the second class. Three things crystallized my desire to transfer: 1) Her claim that if one couldn't relate to people (and I honestly cannot), the class would be very difficult indeed, 2) She showed "The Business of Being Born" in class. As I mentioned earlier, it was poorly researched (attempting to coorelate infant mortality with hospital births), biased (no, bias implies that the other side is represented, in however poor a light. It's not a documentary, it's not even a propaganda piece; it's an infomercial), and very poorly done. The third thing was that she seemed to show that there was a link between vaccines and autism. I openly facepalmed when she brought it up. And in light of the fact that the Lancet recently retracted their paper which claimed that there was a coorelation between the MMR vaccine and Autism, I think it's necessary for me to do a little piece on the controversy. Here's the summary of the controversy; some parents of autistic children believe that autism is caused by vaccines. To make this seem somewhat less of a leap, they claim that the Thiomersal in some vaccines causes autism. No word on why this didn't do anything to most of the children who received the vaccines. Folks, I'm going to set the record straight; Thiomersal isn't in all vaccines. And even in those vaccines it is in, it is used in very small quantities [.1 mg, which is sufficient for a preservative], and considering that the lowest lethal dose of Thimerosal is 60 mg/kg, it would seem that there is very little danger. To put it into perspective, keeping in mind that the average weight of a newborn baby is 3.2 kg, it would take over 2000 vaccines to kill it. And please bear in mind that almost nobody is recommending that anybody take anywhere near that many vaccines in their entire lifetime. However, when I looked into the controversy I found something interesting; while some of these parents claim that mercury is poisoning their children, guess how they try to cure it: by putting more hazardous chemicals into the bodies of their children. Yes; it's called Chelation therapy, and it works by using chelating agents that combat lead poisoning to turn the thimerosal into a safer chemical; of course, by the time people get into it, it's already been metabolized, so, in essence, you're trying to use a potentially hazardous chemical to neutralize a chemical that's already been neutralized. And, in addition to not working, it has been known to cause a few deaths.

Band Name of the Day: We Will Not Use Styptic Pens in the Future. Of course, we hardly ever use them now.

Film Idea of the Day: Death Park. A short story idea I'm currently working on. It has a man going to his brother's theme park, apparently to become a partner, but it turns out that the rides are almost all dangerous (for instance, a wave pool so dangerous that it boasts 30 saves per day), and some (like a looping water slide) are even lethal. Based on a true story, or more accurately, a real water park. Imagine if Kafka's "Penal Colony" was actually a waterpark.

Film Review of the Day: The Third Man. I recently bought this movie online, and just today I received it, getting it before it becomes nigh on impossible to find (an issue I hope to get into later). I haven't watched the disc yet, but I know I have seen the movie before, so I'll go from memory. Simply put, it is probably the greatest British movie of all time. From what I remember, my favorite parts were the score (the happy zither score manages to throw the bleakness of the events happening around it into sharp relief,) and, simply put, Harry Lime (The most amazing thing is that with all the acclaim about his character, it's easy to forget that even mentioning the fact that Orson Welles is in the movie is a major spoiler. And, for that matter, even though he may not have had as major a role in making the movie as previously thought, the parts he did contribute managed to do something I previously thought was impossible; a point which is inaccurate, but even in being made wrong, only furthers his point.)

Quote of the Day: "In Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love - they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock."
_______________Harry Lime. No, the Cuckoo Clock is a Barvarian creation. Damn, Harry, even when you're wrong, you're right.

Link of the Day: Just so you're clear, Death Park will be based on an actual park. Even the looping water slide, unfortunately.

Correction: Two issues ago, when I posted a link to the Bad Webcomics Wiki, I made a remark about a wolf that molests children due to a brain tumor. I was, in fact, mistaken. The wolf is actually a mouse. Yes, it is a mouse that is the size of a wolf.

Issue 165

2010-01-29T21:34:00.002-06:00

News: Two in One today.
1) Salinger RIP.
Two days ago, a great man died. His name was J.D. Salinger, and I can safely say that his novel, The Catcher in the Rye, changed my life. When I first picked up the book at the age of thirteen, I was being bullied at my grade school, and it had a particularly profound effect on me in at least two major ways; the first was that it got me back into reading fiction and enjoying it. Admittedly, it would be my reading Ulysses in Freshman Year that would get me to do so regularly, but really, it was this book that had the most profound effect on me (because for once, I actually had a book whose protagonist I could relate to.) The second, equally major, thing was that it effectively hardened me. I suppose that in my view, my Schopenhauer-esque personality, preferring the company of books to people, is ultimately a result of my attempt to cope with the abuse at school catalyzed by my reading of this book. I don't think it would be too much of a stretch to admit that if not for Catcher, I probably might not be here writing to you today. I read his other works, and these were less interesting to me, but, to be fair, Catcher was a hard act to follow, and it's no wonder he didn't publish any other novels after it. After leaving Slaughterhouse-five (my name for the school that abused me), Catcher still continued to have a major influence on my writing habits. In fact, my first major project as a writer was an attempt at an ultra-faithful screenplay of Catcher in the Rye, one which I'm sure will never be filmed. And, in fact, I have long considered living similarly to the reclusive J.D., except that I would be more open to publishing than J.D. was in the last 45 years of his life. And now, he's gone. Ave atque vale, Jerry.
2) Thoughts on Teenage pregnancy.
This was going to be the sole News section of today's blog until the death of Salinger. Earlier in the week, a Lifetime movie of the week aired that dealt with the Gloucester pregnancy pact. I didn't watch most of it, but I did watch a short section where the principal was talking with some concerned mother, and claimed that they probably wouldn't have gotten pregnant if they had just been taught abstinence. Here's my two cents; every sex ed course worth its salt teaches that abstinence before marriage is the best option, and even Planned Parenthood's website has a section on abstinence which states, in essence that it is the best way, except that in this day and age, it is not exactly realistic. Well, I suppose that she likely meant that they should teach it only, but the fact is that programs that only teach abstinence have almost uniformly been shown to be ineffective, and there's a very simple explanation; humans are wired to have sex in their teenage years. We are not supposed to wait until we are 26 to use our sexual organs, that was simply a byproduct of the industrial revolution and compulsory education. Priests aren't even abstinent these days, so why does anybody think hormonally-charged teenagers will be? In the end, there is only one way we can truly expect our society's teens to be abstinent before marriage, and I will use Loretta Lynn to illustrate it; by the age that most of her peers were graduating high school, she was a mother of four. I want you to think about how that makes you feel. If you really want to find a way to make teens wait until marriage before sex, family lives like Loretta's would have to be considered not something to pity, but to emulate. In Short: If you want to create a society in which you can reasonably expect teens to save sex for marriage, be willing to choose between that and a modern education.

Film Reviews of the Day: Two more in one; One good, the other bad.
Death Note. I really don't know how to explain this one to the uninitiated; a teenage boy gets the power over life and death and becomes the killer known as Kira, who kills criminals with heart attacks. After this, he gets involved in an increasingly elaborate game of Cat and Mouse with a reclusive detective about his age that goes on for years and gets increasingly ridiculous. I recently got the film version, and I must admit, that it is probably a very well-done distillation of the first few episodes of the series. I also got the sequel which covers the rest, but I haven't seen it yet, and I'm sure it does the same for the rest of the series. Sure, the dub gets pretty transparent at points, but it is still good.
The Business of Being Born. Not since Red Zone Cuba has ninety minutes dragged on for so long. I just watched this movie for my Human Development Class, and it was so poorly done that it actually made me consider transferring. I know that the subject of birth is not one that interests me, but really, that's not why I consider it bad. The big thing which ruined the experience of watching the film for me is that it doesn't seem to know where to end. In other documentaries, we know what the climaxes could be and where to end. In a movie about birth, like this, it could end with a woman giving birth, but as it turned out, the movie has several sequences where we see women (including the executive producer, Ricki Lake) giving birth at home. This could have potentially have been done well, by, for instance, intercutting the births that the women go through, but no, they just show the births happening in sequence. In a movie that pushes an agenda, the end could be where some of the advocates of the view talk about how a change is going to come and how they'll be proven right, but this happens several times and the movie doesn't end. It seems that most of the second half of the documentary is comprised of the endings of what could have been more interesting documentaries on birth, and especially in the last few minutes when it includes increasingly pointless scenes and keeps fading to black after each one, the movie makes you want to shout at it to end, and even in class, at one point, I actually said out loud "oh, come on!" Another thing I found odd was that there was no acknowledgement of the other side. I mean, even in movies like Fahrenheit 9/11 or Expelled, the filmmakers at least had the courtesy to include interviews with opponents, or at least to have them represented with stock footage. This movie has none of that. It seems to latch on to the idea that Europe has the highest infant mortality rates in the developed world because they all do home births (and it can't just be that America generally has some of the poorest health care in the developed world)In the end, it actually made me want to watch Expelled again. Sure, it is painful to see Ben Stein sacrificing all credibility and acting like an idiot, but at least it was sort of stylised well, which is something I can't say for this movie.

Quote: "Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody."
_____________J.D. Salinger

Link of the Day: Watchmen: The High School Years

Issue 164

2010-01-17T22:06:00.003-06:00

News: Thoughts on smoking.
I'm not a smoker, and I'm not even pro-smoker, but I certainly consider myself anti-anti-smoking. I got inspired to write a piece on smoking after hearing a message about how Anti-smoking groups criticised Avatar for having Sigourney Weaver smoking; I shudder to think of the minds of somebody who walks out of Avatar and thinks "I can't believe that Ellen Ripley was smoking!" Simply put, I think a big reason I dislike the Anti-smoking movement is that their movement hinges upon two things: one) explaining to people something that I'm sure most of us have known well from the age of five: that smoking kills, and two) the assumption that everybody who hears the facts will give up. The fact is that, by this point, all the movement has done is separate the proverbial wheat from the chaff; keeping potential smokers who care for their healths from smoking, but leaving a strong subculture of people who smoke despite knowing full well that it will ultimately kill them. The way I see it, the smoking industry thrives today not by lobbyists who try to downplay the effects of smoking, or people who claim that smoking is cool, but by an impulse of slow and steady self-destruction that no amount of recapitulations of "Well you should care, but I don't care" or laws that restrict opportunities to smoke (restricting opportunities being a very poor way of stomping out a problem) will end. Really, I must admit that if a person has a desire to speed up the inevitable, I see no reason to stop him, and by the inevitable, I am not just referring to death, but also to cancer. I learned in my genetics class last semester that even if we could get rid of every other disease, cancer would still kill us. And incidentally, cancer isn't just a slow-killing disease caused by environmental factors; it is ultimately caused by faulty replication of DNA that makes cells diseased, immortal, and willing to infect any other . Even if we got rid of smoking entirely (and I'm not even talking about a Prohibition of cigarettes; I'm talking about a time when we cease to feel the need to smoke), cancer will still be inevitable. In short, I think that if we put everything into perspective, and keep at the forefront "memento mori," my perspective begins to make a lot of sense.

Film Idea of the day: A story I'm in the process of writing: a man walks down North Pier in Chicago, and is followed by another man and jumps into the water, drowning. The puesued is a former Nazi commandant and the pursuer is a camp survivor. This is told from several perspectives; a police report, two witnesses, and the two men involved.

Film Review of the Day: Sherlock Holmes. Well, this movie has certainly shown its work and is, for all its stylised nature, probably has the most accurate performances of Holmes and Watson, even keeping his actual straight pipe and losing the deerstalker. Admittedly, I was somewhat disappointed that they didn't keep his cocaine habit, but considering that he only uses it in two stories (out of 60), and his use of a tincture would be so alien to modern audiences that it wasn't that much of a big loss. And for that matter, I kind of winced at the portrayal of Irene Adler, considering that the movie turned her from the archetypal femme fatale to the resident analogue to Molotov Cocktease from the Venture Brothers, and while I tend to dislike sequel hooks in movies, especially when it leaves the movie as it is incomplete (like in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy film), I do think it is justified when there really is a sequel in the works, and as it turns out, there is.

Leon the Professional- I recently came across this film while doing research for my Hitman story, and surprisingly, there is little writing on the inner life of the hitman, and I can count the number of nonfiction books I could find centered around hitmen on one hand, but there are a lot of movies about hitmen, and probably, this is one of the best, except perhaps Pulp Fiction, but even Pulp Fiction had surprisingly little actual focus on the hitmen doing their jobs, but this one does. Perhaps this may be the film I draw on the most for that project.

Quote of the Day: "The public health authorities never mention the main reason many Americans have for smoking heavily, which is that smoking is a fairly sure, fairly honorable form of suicide."
_______________Kurt Vonnegut

Link of the Day: Bad Webcomics Wiki. I have just heard of this site reviewing some of the most brain-breakingly insane ideas for webcomics, from stories about wolves who molest children because of their brain tumors, to a very poorly researched Mafia story that rips off Twilight, to incoherently done PSA Comics about law (one sample panel is here. Try to figure out what they're doing.) to just plain inane Anti-semitic propaganda. Please prepare to be offended by the horrors within, both by the subject matter and the supreme awfulness of style.

Issue 163

2010-01-05T10:16:00.002-06:00

News: The 11 Best Books of (The many I read in) 2009.
Well, Usually around this time of year, I usually post a list of capsule reviews of films I liked that were released in the previous year. Unfortunately, I didn't go to the theatre a lot last year. I liked most of what I went to, but there were a lot of movies I wanted to see that I didn't get to see, and so far, I've seen none of those, and then there were some I'd heard of that were so horrifying that I wouldn't even torture my mother with them (I'm talking to you, Lars von Trier's Antichrist.) However, I've read a lot of books, and since it's been a while since I've reviewed a book here, I've decided to make a list of some of the best books I'd read in the past year. I read dozens every year, and here are 11 of my favorites.
11. Mental Floss' History of the World: An irreverent Romp through History's Best Bits.
If it doesn't live up to its title, it sure comes damn close! Admittedly, it makes some mistakes, particularly with regards to its remarks about absinthe (the Thujone content in most absinthes isn't really enough to cause hallucinations or death), but it makes up for that by actually contributing more to my understanding of Hegel (due to one paragraph on p. 240)than my attempts to read Hegel.
10. Greatest Show on Earth by Richard Dawkins.
It is a worthy successor to The God Delusion, but still is less appealing to me. While it does present a pretty thorough survey of evidence for evolution, it falls short of its predecessor for a few reasons, including the fact that it devotes the entire first chapter to explaining terminology that he only uses once or twice outside of that chapter, and that he sometimes puts digressional footnotes about how he dislikes things like how the city of Peking is now called Beijing (his age is beginning to show.) This is the only book on the list to actually be published in 2009.
9. Novels in 3 Lines by Felix Feneon.
Few people could have seen the republishing of this coming: century-old news blurbs about events in France, but despite the unusual nature of the work, it is probably one of the most curious discoveries I'd made all this year; it is actually a surprisingly longitudinal discussion of life in 1906 France done in over a thousand two or thee-line blurbs. In terms of brevity, it makes Hemingway seem like Joyce.
8.Paris Spleen and Flowers of Evil by Charles Baudelaire. These works constitute the collected poetry of Charles Baudelaire.
What else is there to say? He treaded where few poets treaded before and his works still maintained interest, particularly when he talked about lesbians in his poems (at one point, he apparently seriously considered naming Flowers of Evil The Lesbians.) However, it appears that, as a prose writer, Paris Spleen will inevitably have more influence on my style.
7. Lamb: The Gospel according to Christ's Childhood Pal Biff by Christopher Moore.
This book really makes a fairly plausible attempt towards figuring out what happened in the "Lost Years of Jesus." Well, since the gospels are silent on everything from Jesus' brief time in Egypt to his baptism (except for a short time where he was debating with priests in the temple at the age of 12), an angel resurrects Jesus' best friend Levi that is Called Biff to write a book to fill in the missing gaps, and what happened to Jesus between the ages of 13 and 30? Simple; Biff and Jesus moved to Asia, where they lived in a palace with a Taoist master, went to a Zen monastery, and poked Untouchables in India. Naturally, he spends little time on JEsus' ministry, but does, of course, focus on the Crucifixion, which is, of course, the climax of the entire story. As it turns out, he gave Jesus a sleeping potion that would mimic death, but this plan is thrown out when a centurion slashes him.
6. We Need to Talk About Kevin by Lionel Shriver.
I read about this book on a list of the ten most disturbing books of all time. It is set as a series of letters from a woman to her husband about the story of how their son Kevin became a killer (he became a school shooter with, of all things, a crossbow.) I won't give away the final twist, but I will say say it does hit hard and everything all falls into place with it. With regards to the PS material in the back, the way I interpret the book is that it is that Kevin somehow knew that he should never have been born and that every event in the book, particularly the final twist, is part of a big plan to make his mother regret ever having borne him. Oh, and Flaxid and Flassid are both considered equally valid by the Dictionary.
5. Essays and Aphorisms by ARthur Schopenhauer.
Well, as Huysmans said in A rebours (a book that would have made the list if I could find a copy), "Schopenhauer had seen the truth!" What else can be said? Well, there is the matter that it is several excerpts from his final book, Parerga und Paralipomena, and probably doesn't have the most judicious selection of excerpts, including several aphorisms, but apparently leaving out the famous story about the porcupines' dilemma. For better or for worse, though, it is probably the only selection of this work in translation that isn't exorbitantly expensive.
4. The Yosemite Murders by Dennis McDougal.
I've read several books about serial killers, but this is without a doubt my favorite. While Carey Stayner may be more obscure than, say, Ted Bundy, but his story is probably more interesting than most, particularly in that it reads like a story from a Greek Tragedy; Carey's brother Steven gets kidnapped, and he grows withdrawn as his family focuses on Steven, but as soon as he returns, he gets jealous of the increased attention Steven gets and the fact that Steven gets away with things he can't (like smoking, drinking, and swearing; in a Mormon home, no less), and this eventually warps him for life and he eventually kills 4 people to gain some attention of his own. I'm surprised that nobody's tried to adapt this story into a movie. I suppose I'll have to do it someday.
3. Ham on Rye, Factotum, and Post Office by Charles Bukowski.
Okay, so it's three novels in one position, but they're still part of one story (and for that matter, are only three novels of five that tell it) the story of Henry Chinaski, Charles Bukowski's author avatar. And, for better or for worse, Bukowski has been a major inspiration to me and my writing career; while every creative writing teacher asks their students to write about their experiences, Bukowski actually managed to take time out to write his experiences, only publishing his first book at 40, and becoming able to write professionally at the age of 50. I recieved a volume of his short stories, but I haven't read it yet, though I intend to soon; hopefully after its companion volume comes in the mail.
2. The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoevsky.
Do I really have to explain why this book is on my list? This is probably the greatest novel of all time, and in fact, one character in Slaugherhouse-five actually claimed that everything there was to know in life was in it, and the exaggeration is only slight, as anybody who has read it knows. If you're going to get it, be sure to get the translation by Pevear and Volokhonsky (For that matter, this advice applies to any other novel by Dostoevsky, Gogol or now, Tolstoi.) The fact that the other translations are still in print is one of two reasons it's in the second place (the other one will be revealed in the Number one spot.)
1. Watchmen by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons.
Well, the fact is that this book is as complex as The Brothers Karamazov, except more accessible to people, and much shorter (the other reason it was only at number 2). For this reason, I suppose it lends itself to adaptations better than Brothers Karamazov. At any rate, I got into the graphic novel just before the movie was released, and I finished it in a few hours, and I actually watched the movie with the original book fresh in my mind. What else do I have to say?

Film Idea of the Day: A community holds a marriage lottery. eligible males and females are arbitrarily matched, and anybody who tries to defy the lottery is punished. A couple tries to defy it, and leaves the country for Mexico. A hitman tries to follow them, and they are protected by an eccentric who plays the organ. Ideally, the hitman and the organist would both be played by Klaus Kinski, but I suppose that's the difference between the Ideal and Real for you.

Film Review of the Day: Avatar 3D. I went to see this in 3D, and I admit that the visuals are much better than the story. The story is derivative, but at least James Cameron admitted as such early on, noting that he was heavily influenced by stories about America's genocide of the Natives. Some plot devices, such as the imaginatively-named Unobtainium, though, do detract from the story, such as it is. Doug Walker said of it, "Pretty Visuals+Lame Story=Pretty Lame." However, the way I see it, the story isn't that bad, even if the visuals do overshadow it.

Quote of the Day: "Baby," I said. "I'm a genius but nobody knows it but me."
________________________Charles Bukowski.

Link of the Day: This guy reads the Twilight Series so we don't have to.

Chick Reviews: Crazy Wolf- An Indian woman named Mary gets Saved, and has a shaman put a hit out on her. The shaman turns into a werewolf, but an angel changes him back and she Saves him. Surprisingly, the kids in the village informed Mary about the hit, but not so much to warn her as to gloat about it.

Issue 162

2009-12-28T21:18:00.002-06:00

News: It bears repeating.
Several issues ago, I remarked that a scene in Left Behind was one of the things which truly made it one of the most horrible works I've ever read (although an infamous Harry Potter fanfic seems to have replaced it at the top.) However, I think it bears repeating that the scene is one of the worst I've ever read in a book for several reasons, which I will detail here. The scene has reporter Buck Williams doing his job, a very rare occurrence, and interviewing the scientist (Chaim Rosenzweig, who, as we later learn, dabbles in everything from botany to nuclear physics, to Romanian government) whose fertilizer has turned Israel into an agricultural center on par with the Midwest. This has somehow not only led to peace in the Middle East, but has apparently led to at least some states being annexed by Israel. And it all goes downhill from there, because during the interview, a gaggle of Russian bomber planes carrying all of the country's nuclear weapons (enough firepower to end life on earth several times over) soars overhead. The authors never explain why this should occur, but it is implied that it is done out of spite. Sure, there may be no valentines between Russia and Israel, but somehow I doubt that even nuking Israel once is in the cards. For that matter, doesn't Israel have nuclear weapons of its own? And hell, even if Israel was defenseless and Russia's nukes didn't end life on Earth, using all those nuclear weapons on a coastal nation like Israel is bound to have a lot of adverse effects on the Mediterranean. Maybe the entire Mediterranean would be unfit to fish in, and that could cost a lot of livelihoods of a lot of Fishermen in Italy, Greece, or other Southern European countries, and maybe, since the UK and France have nuclear weapons, and in this case, Russia would have wasted all theirs, a nuclear war between the EU and Russia could happen. However, all this is averted when the hand of God appears and destroys the planes, leaving the Israelis unharmed, and some harmless powder rains from the sky (the Authors being oblivious that powder falling from the sky after a nuclear explosion is most likely Nuclear Fallout.) However, all of this could be forgiven if not for one thing: It doesn't change anybody's mind about God. Really. Here is one of the most unambiguously miraculous events possible, and according to the text, nobody seems to bat an eyelash, and churches don't seem to have grown.

Film Idea of the Day: Gaia's revenge. Possibly the most intentionally stupid film idea I've put on this blog. Simply put, "don't pollute, because if you do, the planet will ******* kill you."

Review of the Day: My Immortal. Holy Crap. The fact that this story even exists makes me weep for humanity. The utter disregard for the Harry Potter Canon (incidentally, the lead three characters from the books, Harry, Ron, and Hermione, are renamed Vampire, Diabolo, and B'Loody Mary Smith, and have apparently defected to Slytherin), its own self-contained continuity, and even spelling and grammar aside, this would still be the most idiotic thing I've ever read because the plot is 1/3 descriptions of the main narrator's wardrobe, 1/3 sex scenes that read like Beavis and Butthead wrote them (like "he put his thingy into my you-know-what"), and 1/3 Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way (our author surrogate, whose name is rarely spelled correctly, and who is not related to Gerard Way, although she wishes he was because he's hot) being "Goffik," attempting suicide, and attending the same My Chemical Romance concert several times.

Quote: "I laffed statistically."
___________An actual quote from My Immortal.

Link of the Day: If you really want to read My Immortal, here goes.

Issue 161

2009-12-17T11:43:00.002-06:00

News: We're back, and with the stupidest plan in existence.
Well, I've been having a lot of problems lately that prevented me from updating, ranging from my laptop breaking down to my need to study for my final in Genetics and write two final papers totalling 12 pages in the space of about a week. But now that classes are over, and my laptop has been both repaired and replaced, I come bearing tidings of a new blog entry.
On Atop the Fourth Wall, one of the shows on That Guy With The Glasses, the host Linkara sometimes lists the stupidest plans that have ever been featured in comics on the show. Plans like making twin clones of Adolf Hitler, a plot to elect Nightcrawler as the pope with each twist in the plot being 31 different flavors of "This cannot work," and a plot to take over the Mafia by rigging high school track meets. However, on one of my forums (Not Newspeak Dictionary, because I got banned after one of the mods went beserk and I disagreed with him), somebody shared an email advertising what is probably the stupidest plan I've ever seen. Are you ready? Here goes. As it turns out, you're supposed to send a CHRISTMAS card (yes, apparently CHRISTMAS is supposed to be in allcaps) to the ACLU, which will apparently stop their operations dead in their tracks, and their plan to take away CHRISTMAS will be stopped. We will ignore the fact that odds are, the ACLU will not give a damn about whether anybody sends them Christmas cards, and get to their underlying belief in the War on Christmas. Let me be entirely blunt; The "War on Christmas" is entirely one-sided. Most secular Americans, myself included, do not care whether you greet us with "Happy Holidays" or "Merry Christmas," or even "Io Saturnalia!" It is the conservative Christians who are really waging a war on the phrase "Happy Holidays." They seem to think it's some sort of inclusive holiday greeting that acknowledges other religions (and yes, they think it's a bad thing) and taking the Christ out of Christmas (and, of course, Christmas is really just a continuation of the Roman celebration of Saturnalia, and many Yuletide traditions, from gift-giving to Santa's hat, are taken from it), but in reality, even if one doesn't count the holidays that other religions celebrate around this time, there's virtually no other time of year in which so many holidays are celebrated around the same time. Look at the current holiday season; it begins with Thanksgiving and ends around the New Year, and traditionally, it even extended as far as January 7 (Twelve Days of Christmas, anyone?).

Film Idea of the Day: The Reverend. A seminary dropout ends up becoming a mafia hitman.

Film Review of the Day: American Splendor. Well, I'm kind of interested in Indie comics and Robert Crumb in particular, so I decided to watch this movie, especially considering that Dr. Venture played Crumb, although I haven't actually read any of the actual American Splendor Comics. However, as it turned out, even though Crumb has about ten minutes of screen time, I was actually interested in the movie, particularly by the mix between animation, live-action, and documentary (Pekar, his wife, and his nerdy friend are played by both a fictional actor and the actual person.) And although Pekar's voice does get particularly grating, it does compel me to try to find, and hopefully read the actual comics.

Quote of the Day: "Ordinary life is pretty complex stuff. "
________Harvey Pekar

Link of the Day: That Guy With the Glasses Site.

Issue 160

2009-11-29T19:05:00.002-06:00

News/Film Idea of the Day: What to Call the New Flu?
Well, as it turns out, my mother has had the Mexican Flu for a few weeks, and this happened around the same time I got my nasal vaccine for it. Allright, enough about the family life, what is this Mexican Flu, Derek? Well, let me explain, as I have had to do several times before. It is what I call the recent flu Pandemic, which many people have called the H1N1 flu or the Swine flu. Here I will explain, from my background of researching previous flu pandemics for my unfinished update of The Seventh Seal, why I think that the two popular names of the flu pandemic are imprecise and insufficient. Swine Flu first: Well, the reason is twofold, the first of these is that the disease is not the same strain of H1N1 found in pigs, nor has it been transmitted through pigs, despite the misinformation which came out at the start of the pandemic. The second reason I find the term "Swine Flu" inappropriate is that there was already an outbreak of actual swine flu in 1976. Fortunately, it was contained within Fort Dix, but that didn't stop a public panic about preventing the disease which ultimately led to a vaccine which ultimately killed more people than the flu itself. So, it's probably too soon to reuse the name on an outbreak that isn't even swine flu! Now, H1N1, the disease is certainly of that strain of influenza, but my problem with that name is that there have are actually several different strains of H1N1, including the 1918 Spanish Flu Pandemic that will be the centerpiece of the update. However, I ultimately decided on the name "Mexican Flu" primarily because it was first discovered in Mexico, and so, with what I mentioned in mind, I suppose it would make more sense to call it "the Mexican Flu" than H1N1 or Swine Flu.

Band Name of the Day: Discontinued until further Notice.

Film Review of the Day: Singing Detective. By this point, I think it's safe to say that this TV miniseries is likely the pinnacle of British Dramatic Television series. The series switches between the present, where detective author Philip Marlow (No relation to Raymond Chandler's private eye) is undergoing treatment for psoriasis and some psychiatric treatment to help him along, his unproduced screenplay, the Singing Detective, whose protagonist has the same name as its author, and his own childhood, and especially the increasingly blurry line between the three, complete with several musical numbers from the 1940s being performed by nurses in the 1980s.

Quote of the Day: "I've not seriously doubted since that afternoon that any lie will receive almost instant corroboration, and almost instant collaboration, if the maintenance of it results in the public enjoyment of someone else's pain, someone else's humiliation."
_______Philip Marlow.

Link of the Day: The rantings of an psychotic Slovenian New York lawyer.

Issue 159

2009-11-14T21:30:00.002-06:00

News: Kirk Cameron/Ray Comfort's "Origin of Species."
In roughly a week, apparently on the 19th, Ray Comfort (a New Zealand evangelist so laughably absurd that it's hard for me to believe that he actually expects people to believe him), and Kirk Cameron (actor) are sponsoring a book handout of Darwin's "Origin of Species," in a special edition published by Ray Comfort's publishing company Living Waters. What makes this edition different from the many other editions published by Imprints like Signet, Dover, Penguin, Vintage Classics, and even Barnes and Noble Classics? Or the many etexts of the book? Well, it turns out that this is an abridged version (all other versions are unabridged), and in the place of the missing chapters, is a 50-page introduction by Ray Comfort. In the introduction, according to Kirk Cameron, is information on Darwin's dated views on women and race (please remember he was living in Victorian times, and not in the 2000s, and that even by those standards, his views were pretty advanced), the "undeniable link between Hitler and Darwin" (Jesus, where to begin: First of all, there is no evidence that Darwin had much of a significant direct influence on Hitler, second of all, even if there were, it should be clear to anybody who took the time to look into the theory that Hitler would have understood Darwin no better than he understood Nietzsche, Third: Are you really telling me that you can divorce the Antisemitism of Adolf Hitler from the Antisemitism of Christian Europe?, and Finally: None of this actually negates the truth value of the theory), and scientists who believed in God (it should be noted that of all the scientists Kirk Cameron mentioned in his video, only two were alive to read Darwin's book, and even those two likely had more nuanced views than Kirk implies, and even then all those scientists just had their names listed; no quote mining, just listing.) And, according to Kirk Cameron it presents a clear Gospel message; and they say that Intelligent Design isn't religious. And on Thursday, it will apparently be given to students in the top 50 colleges, and it seems likely that a lot of these copies will likely be discarded because "our future doctors, lawyers, and politicians" they hope to reach will likely realize that these editions (since they're abridged and the introduction is little more than drivel) are worthless. They seem to think that this will change the minds of people who have (apparently to them) never heard of intelligent design. Of course, the fact is that they have most likely heard of it, and if not from people like them, from shows like Family Guy or the Simpsons, which ridicule it. And apparently, Kirk Cameron appears to be hoping to see Darwin's works being banned. The fact is that book banning does not work that way. If a book is banned in a college, it really only means that their library has removed it from circulation. And, of course, there is no way that one of the libraries of a top college will accept it as a book in the first place, so there is no way it will be banned.

Band Name of the Day: The New Earth Army.

Film Idea of the Day: Already Written: a couple celebrating their 25th anniversary go to a diner and confront their inner demons.

Film Review of the Day: The Men Who Stare At Goats. This is one of the most quirky films of the year. It concerns a journalist who meets a soldier who claims to be telekinetic, and a soldier in a special Hippie division of the Army. He can allegedly kill a goat with a thought. Believe me, the movie finds a way for the premise to make sense. Incredibly, much of it is actually true. Go see it. I would think that the sheer oddness of the premise is enough to recommend it.

Quote of the Day: -Lieutenant Colonel Django used funds from the project's black budget to procure prostitutes...
-That's a lie!
-...and to get drugs for himself and his men.
-That... well, the hooker thing is definitely a lie.
_____________________________My favorite part of "The Men Who Stare At Goats"

Link: Here is the full text of Ray Comfort's version of Origin of Species (complete with introduction and missing chapters)

Issue 158

2009-10-31T15:32:00.004-05:00

News/Link of the Day: The Republican Moral Event Horizon.
Recently, I just got into a site called TV Tropes. If you can imagine a reoccurring theme that you've seen across television, film, and literature, odds are, it's there. One of the tropes that's on the site is called the "Moral Event Horizon." It is the point at which a character truly ceases to be sympathetic, like Aarfy's rape-murder in Catch-22, the entire third Star Wars prequel film, and on South Park, Cartman has had one every season since the fifth. Earlier in the month, however, it appears that the Republican Party has finally passed this point, after 8 years of the most unpopular administration, and the most ineptly run campaign in years. The point came when Al Franken (now a senator), proposed an amendment to a defense bill that keeps any defense contractors from taking rape cases to court. Yes, there was actually a need to make this bill, but, incredibly, although it was passed, thirty senators (all being Republicans) not only voted against it, but vociferously argued against it. Incidentally, in case you didn't get it before, 75% of the Senate's Republicans voted against it. Seventy-five percent of Republicans chose to uphold capitalism at the expense of Rape victims. And this, from the party which claims to hold a moral high ground. I'm going to let this sink in.

Band Name of the Week: Khairei, Deerslayers!

Film idea of the Week: In the process of writing: A short play in which an opera singer confronts his fear of singing "LArgo al Factotum" in the most cataclysmic way possible.

Film Review of the Week: Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. I recently decided to check this movie out on hulu, and I must admit that I particularly appreciated it, especially in the wake of recently watching all of Linkara's Atop the Fourth Wall videos on Thatguywiththeglasses.com. I especially liked the music, which was a particular change in pace from the comics presented in Linkara's videos.

Quote of the Day: "It is not the government's business to decide who the government does business with."
____________Jon Stewart.

Tract Review: It's Not Your Fault. "Thank you, unborn baby whale. You were as helpful as you were delicious." Now that I got that Drawn Together reference out of the way, on to the tract. Chick tackles the Rwandan genocide, PTSD, and institutional child sexual abuse in one tract. And apparently, accepting Jesus can rid somebody of PTSD. Jack's drawing has gone beyond simply cartoony to horrendous, and God actually has a face in some panels.

Issue 157

2009-10-09T16:35:00.005-05:00

This is going to be another long-form edition of the blog.
The Top Eleven Worst Things about Left Behind.
Well, I've been reading a series of blog posts on the book "Left Behind." They are on slacktivist.typepad.com, but it should be noted that there is a much more servicable table of contents of the posts here. The series of blog posts chronicles Fred Clark and his attempts to go through the novels of the bestselling-series "Left Behind." It took him five years, but already, he's finished the first book. And even though the man himself is an Evangelical christian (I won't hold it against him), he disagrees with LaHaye and Jenkins on many points and goes so far to say that they are among the worst books of all time. In essence, like Plan 9, but without the entertainment value (like Orgy of the Dead.) Incidentally, he mentions in his last post on the first book that a comprehensive list of how many ways the book fails would be way too long. Here is my noble attempt at the most glaring flaws with the book, and some occasional contrasting with the works of others, particularly Trevanian and Herge (the only real adventure stories I read).

11. The ideology.
Simply put, one big problem with the book, possibly the cause of one of many of its flaws, is the ideology that is horned into the book. Simply put, it seems like the whole point of the book and its series is to gloat over an event that hasn't happened yet and most likely will never happen, and how it makes them superior to non-christians. And believe me, many other asinine aspects of fundamentalist theology are there, particularly a subtext that any peace-maker is in league with the antichrist, that any believers in any other religion are not only wrong (one I could let slide), but also insincere (since, apparently, everybody believes in their conception of God), and the infamous line "if any of it [is] true, then all of it [was] true."
10. Too few locations.
I love a good chamber piece of a story that can be set in only a few locations. Of course, an airport novel like this tends to jump from exotic location to exotic location. Before i get to how this relates to LB, it should be noted that in Shibumi, we visit places like New York, The Basque region, Japan, and England, and that Herge put Tintin on five continents and the Moon. What locations are shown in Left Behind? Ninety percent of the book takes place either near Chicago or Manhattan. The other ten percent are devoted to news reports from Jerusalem, and two excursions to Atlanta and London, both of which prove entirely pointless.
9. Phones.
What is with LaHaye and Jenkins' obsession with phone calls? They seem to take up a significant portion of the plot.
8. Airline Travel should not be this easy.
Throughout the book, characters travel on planes with no apparent fear on the part of anybody (from passengers to the airline companies) of a reprisal of the rapture. In fact, both of the pointless excursions I mentioned in the book are done by plane. Of course, anybody should know that even after 9/11, airplane travel (among many other things) would never be so easy, especially two weeks after the event (early on in the review, Fred stopped calling the event which sets all this into action "The Rapture", and simply called it "The Event", to mirror how the unsaved people that seem to have been left behind would have percieved it.)
7. Electromagnetism.
Throughout the book, there only seem to be two explanations for the Event. One of which, is, of course, the rapture theory. The other theory, introduced halfway into the book by Nicolae Carpathia (more on him later) and his botanist sidekick Chaim Rosenzweig, is that electromagnetism took children, because "children have less electromagnetism than adults." No, electromagnetism doesn't work that way. Yes, these are the only theories presented as probable by anybody in the entire book. Fred decides early on that, because of their incuriousness about this most jaw-dropping of events, most of the people in the book have already read the book jacket and realized that it's God's work.
6. The death of Stonagal.
Jonathan Stonagal is a businessman who was the mentor and puppetmaster to Nicolae Carpathia, and, for a brief time in the book, is considered to be a likely suspect for the Antichrist. However, in the last chapter of the book, he is shot. [Yes, i know, there are spoilers, but it's not like anybody would want to read this book anyway.] The events surrounding his assassination, however are done so horribly wrong that they just need to be seen to be believed. Better yet, read posts 176-180 of Slacktivist's deconstruction.
5. Implied goodness.
Our two protagonists, Buck Williams and Rayford Steele, have one thing in common at the outset. This is, that they are written to be sympathetic only by the writers telling us that they are sympathetic. Buck Williams is actually called "The Greatest Investigative Reporter of All Time," even though there are only a few snippets of his writing included, none of them even decent, and he never turns in a story to his superiors. He spends the first two weeks after the Event writing a story about it for next week's issue. He never gets it down. Rayford's problem is that he is considered a good man who loved his wife and kids by the narrator, but his actions seem to fly in the face of this. For instance, his wife Irene and son Raymie/Rayford Jr. (really) are taken in the Rapture. Never does he show any real grief at this. Of course, we will see how deep the rabbit hole goes when we get to #1. In other works, like Shibumi, we don't find Trevanian saying repeatedly that Nicholai Hel is a badass of the highest order. It is something that anybody who is reading the book should figure out. As it turns out, Rayford and Buck are supposed to be author surrogates for Tim Lahaye, and Jerry Jenkins. If this is true, and the authors are both leaders of the evangelical movement, then it appears that millions are hanging on the words of people with some severe personality disorders. Mystifyingly, it seems to never have occurred to the authors to portray them as anything but the unambiguous good guys.
4. The Love lives of our leads.
Throughout the book, it is revealed that Rayford has been lusting after his coworker Hattie, who was much younger, but never really went all the way with her. I'm sure that this is supposed to come off as a sort of perverse "courtly love", but it really ends up just coming off as simply perverse, especially considering that he ends up telling her that he only was in this pseudo-relationship for the sex that they never had. Buck also has a strange relationship with Chloe. I say strange because it's unusually chaste. Yes, Buck is an unsaved Ivy League Yuppie, and Chloe seems to have rejected religion for the time being, but it never seems to occur to neither of them to be physically attracted to one another. It almost seems like a scene from a Mickey Rooney-Judy Garland musical without the music. This is made even stranger in the film, which features Buck falling for Hattie. This is, of course, because Kirk refuses to do a kissing scene with anybody else but his wife, who plays Hattie.
3. Nicolae Carpathia.
Where to begin? Did you ever see the UN scenes in Superman IV and think that there was no worse scene imaginable that could possibly involve the UN? You were wrong. Nicolae makes his first prominent appearance as the newly-elected president of Romania, and tries to woo the UN (looking to be Secretary-general, even though no SG has ever been a head of state, much less a sitting head of state, especially not a just-recently elected head of state, and certainly not one elected so soon after a cataclysmic event) by giving a speech which consists of the names and installation dates of every secretary-general, a recitation of the names of all member-states, and a listing of all of UN's agencies and their headquartered cities. He does this in nine languages. It appears that the Antichrist is supposed to be an ultra-charismatic figure. I suppose that there's a lot of possible models: cult leaders (indeed, the tape of Jim Jones' last sermon is still circulating across the net), actors, and even their own ilk. However, So far, he comes across as being profound by the world of the book, while to any reader with sense can see that he seems more like some sort of autistic savant. Later, he gives his agenda, and it drives people wild with excitement: 90% of all nukes are to be destroyed and the remaining 10% are to be given to him personally (yes, a Romanian Raymond Babbit succeeds where so many have failed, and even Superman had the sense to ask for all of them), one world currency (which makes no sense considering that Stonagal in particular makes a lot of money from currency exchange), one world language (yes, this is even though he loves to show off his polylinguality), one world religion, and a new UN Headquarters and palace for himself in "New Babylon."
2. Israel's Nuclear War.
At one point early on in the novel, the following chain of events is told in flashback: Israel develops a miraculous fertilizer which basically turns the barren wasteland of Israel into Iowa. By this point, Israel has not only made peace with its neighbors, but absorbed several of them with little complaint inside or out. Then, however, Russia sends out all of its bombers and WMDs (apparently, Russia's security council seems to have learned diplomacy from Ali G) to wipe Israel off the map (for decades, evangelicals have claimed that Russia is likely to attack Israel in the near future. They have never given any real reason why this would happen besides "it is written." Yes, Russia did support the PLO, but that doesn't mean that something of this scale is likely when they failed to bother to do a full-scale nuclear strike against us in the cold war.) However, it turns out that nobody gets hurt by the bombs because God protected them. I really wish I was making this up.
1. Nobody Cares.
In the Rapture, not only are all true Christians taken by God, but all children who haven't hit puberty yet. It appears that, while it appears that the christians are their focus, they seem to have completely ignored the fact that the sudden disappearance of all children would be enough to plunge the world into a cataclysm of grief. I mean, 3000 people died on September 11, but it still had the world paralyzed with fear for a while. Meanwhile, 1/3 of the world's population is vaporized instantly, and it's the demographic that the world seems to care the most about: children. The sight of grief should be ubiquitous in the pages of the book, but they're not. Even one of the protagonists fails to show any grief for the loss of his wife and son.

Well, I only scraped the surface of how much this book fails. Read Slacktivist's posts.

Issue 156

2009-09-27T18:06:00.003-05:00

News: FREE ROMAN POLANSKI!
Well, yesterday, they finally did it. They finally had Oscar-Winning film director Roman Polanski arrested. In case none of you know what I'm talking about, I'm talking about an incident 30 years ago where he photographed a minor nude, and then had sex with her. After an arrest and plea bargain, he headed for France, where he has been based ever since. The girl has since agreed that the charges should be dropped, but thus far, attempts to overturn the conviction have been unsuccessful, especially in light of Polanski's arrest. Here's what I say: Let it go. The incident was thirty years old, and everybody involved seems to have moved on except for those people who were ultimately responsible for the arrest. Roman has suffered enough: he lived through the Holocaust, with his mother dying in the chambers of Auschwitz, his travel options have been limited for the last few decades as a result of living in fear, and now this. And as many of his acquaintances have said, it's not like he's going to do it again; and, as I see it, he probably wouldn't have done it once if he had been truly aware of the fact that minority ends much later here than it does in Europe. Hell, if California can let a footballer and mediocre actor get away with murder, or can let Hmong gangs get away with a more heinous variation on a very similar theme on the basis of culture [to wit, like Borat/Pam, but less funny], why not let a man who has just happened to be one of the big cinematic minds of the last century free? Incidentally, it appears that the foreign ministers of Poland and France (two countries that count Roman as a citizen) are doing everything in their power to grant Roman clemency, and the minister of Poland is considering petitioning Barack Obama himself for clemency. Well, if Obama is reading this, and I freely admit that the possibility is very slight, I must admit that I have been underwhelmed by his performance, doing comparatively little to undo the damages of Bush, as many want him to do,(admitting that he is, of course, not doing everything in his power to be like Bush, like McCain would likely have done), and if he really wants my support, even if he fails to do anything better, like get universal health care, undo the Patriot Act, actually get us out of Iraq (he has a timeline, but it remains to be seen whether he'll stick to it), or anything like this, he should at least set Roman free. In fact, I feel so strongly about this, I swear that if Roman's arrest has any effect on the release of his film project "The Ghost," I will vote third party in 2012, no matter if it means that Dick Cheney will sit in the White House.

Band Name of the Day: none.

Film Idea of the Day: An increasingly unstable hardboiled crime writer ends up embroiled in a bizarre plot, while writing a novel with a bizarre plot of its own (with twin clones of Hitler).

Review of the Day: Well, since I've found no new films truly worth the time it takes to review them in the past week, I'm going to review a book I read and loved (at least somewhat) recently; Anton LaVey's Satanic Bible. My thoughts on the book, simply: if you've read and enjoyed Blake's Marriage of Heaven and Hell, Nietzsche's Works, and Ayn Rand's novels, I have to admit that this book, or at least the first two sections/100 pages, are the next logical step. Personally, I think that the addition of "magical rituals" tends to detract somewhat from the book's philosophy, but nevertheless, it is still interesting to read. While much has been said of LaVey's admiration of Nietzsche, and he is alleged to have said that Satanism is, in essence "Ayn Rand with rituals" (three of which are described, and none of which, for the record, involve blood sacrifice), I think it is necessary to note that this work seems to owe a significant debt, possibly second-hand, to William Blake's Marriage of Heaven and Hell. The biggest similarities I've noticed are in the styles, especially apparent in comparison between Blake's Proverbs of Hell and LaVey's Book of Satan. In addition, the admiration of the Bible present in many of Blake's prophetic works is much less present in his Marriage, while the criticism of the institution of the Church is far more emphasized in the same work. By eschewing both, it appears that LaVey is taking the next logical step. In addition, LaVey's association of Lucifer with enlightenment should be seen in comparison with Blake's association of Hell with energy and eternal delight.

Quote of the Day: "And the County Judge/Who Held A Grudge/Will Search forevermore/ For the Band on the Run"
__________Paul McCartney.

Link: None this week.

Issue 155

2009-09-18T12:57:00.003-05:00

News: Screw the Sea Kittens.
Recently, after RationalWiki got back online, I ended up going on the PeTA page, and was particularly struck by one part, where they talked about their attempt to stop the fishing industry. What really struck me was the fact that, as it turned out, they adamantly refused to call them "fish." Instead, they decided that it would behoove the movement to rename the entire class of animals from "fish" to "sea kittens," as if a different name would stop the fishing industry dead in their tracks, or even that fish even bear any deeper resemblance to cats than the fact that they share vertebrae. What is really bizarre about the campaign is that the entire campaign seems to be focused upon a site that seems more like they're advertising a show on Cartoon Network than trying to alleviate a big problem; the site is full of idiotic dialogue like the one sample that I have quoted below. If that's not enough, the site also has a game where you can create your own "sea kitten", and put it in makeup and a princess dress. I am sure that any real fish would rather get hooked then be forced to wear ridiculous clothing like this. The only possible reason this site exists is that PeTA is actually a deep cover organization trying to discredit the Animal Rights Movement by making them look like total idiots.

Film reviews: Inglorious Basterds. I finally saw this movie, and all that needs to be said is that, in the hands of any other director, this movie would have fallen flat on its ass in its own over-the-top-ness [To give the ending away, Hitler is shot to death by Jewish soldiers and the rest of the Nazi heirarchy is blown up and burned to death by two independent plots against them]. However, in the hands of Quentin Tarantino, it actually manages to be his best film since Pulp Fiction.
The Wicker Man. I also have wanted to see this movie for a long time, but the film's unavailability at the SPL has been a stumbling block. And the fact that the Neil LaBute remake is, by all accounts, an abomination that takes everything that made the film so original and nullified it, has certainly hindered me. But finally, it finally became available, but since the disc was literally unplayable, even on my laptop, but it turned out that it was on OnDemand. Finally, I managed to see it, and I must say that it must be one of the best horror films I've ever seen, partially because it was so differnet. It didn't seem to rely on big scares like most other films, and in the first half of the film, seems more like a musical than a horror film, but the atmosphere builds until the final twist and by this point, even though I knew exactly what would happen, it is clear that cannot dare stop the channel. Now, I think it's accurate to say that this is now one of my favorite movies. Incidentally, yes, my sample Sea Kitten was based upon Lord Summerisle's processional costume near the climax.

Quote: "Sea kittens talk to each other through squeaks, squeals, and other low-frequency sounds that humans can only hear through special instruments. Most ichthyologists—scientists who specialize in sea kitten biology—agree that this is just about the cutest thing ever."

Links are back: Just so you know I am dead serious about the Sea Kittens site existing.

Tract Reviews: Some Like it Hot. This has nothing to do with girl bands, gangsters, or transvestites. However, it's basically about a man and his grandpa going to meet Satan, and he talks about himself before going to the bottom level of hell.

Issue 154

2009-08-22T09:50:00.004-05:00

Intro: Well, I'm not going to put this entry in the standard form. I will, however, build most of my standard sections into one large section for this one. Links will most likely return for the next entry.

Actual Entry: The Brothers Karamazov: Book vs. Movie.
Recently, I re-read Dostoevsky's The Brothers Karamazov (in the "new" Pevear/Volokhonsky translation) and I must admit that in this re-reading, I actually got more out of it. I'm not sure whether it was the new translation (previously, I had read Garnett's long-maligned [for good reason] translation), or the intervening years between reads, but as it turned out, I actually got more out of it even than when I had read books 5 and 6 for my Honors Seminar last semester. Now, I actually understood Vonnegut's character Eliot Rosenwater when he said that it contained "everything there was to know about life," especially from its frequent arguing about opposing points of view, from Ivan and Aloysha arguing about whether a God (or at least one worth worshipping) exists, to whether or not Dmitri is innocent. From what I remembered, P and V had emphasized this more than Garnett did (she seemed mainly interested in making Russian literature accessible to the proles by making virtually all of Russian prose read like Dickens.) Later, I would eventually learn that there was a Hollywood version of the book available on Youtube (starring, of all people, Yul Brynner [who has by now become my mental image of Dmitri Karamazov] and William Shatner.) As I clicked the Youtube link, I asked myself a question: How could they possibly cram a 776-page novel into a 145-minute film? Well, the short answer is, by basically stripping away the philosophy and reducing it to a murder mystery (in the process taking away virtually all of the ambiguity as to Dmitri's innocence or guilt). Of course, the narrator himself, who in the novel, almost becomes a character on himself, while never interfering with the action, only with the audience's perception of it, does not appear. Of course, I would not expect that this aspect of the novel to appear in the film. But what really bugged me was that surprisingly, most of Ivan's scenes (particularly his expounding of evil and the Grand Inquisitor "poem" in Book 5, and his vision of Satan in book 11) have been cut, although, oddly, he seems to refer to the latter in the courtroom scene, of course, perhaps the content of the former scenes, in addition to lengthening the film, would have angered the Hays office [In addition to their prohibitions against sex, they also banned criticism of religion, and Ivan's well-spoken defense of rationalism would certainly qualify] and thus there was no way to include them, thus watering Ivan down to the point where he seems to be little more than a walk-on character and not one of the most compelling characters in Russian literature. Father Zosima, on the other hand, hardly even appears at all. To be fair, the scenes of his autobiography (Book 6) would likely have broken the flow of any film, but his other scenes, particularly his death rites and the smell (addressed in Book 7), would likely be a welcome addition. But for the real thing that bugged me, look no further than the opening shots. To paraphrase Austin Powers, "You know what's remarkable? Is how much Pushkin-era Russia looks in no way like virtually any Old western Town." Indeed, the only real things that made it look any different from any old western town were a few onion bulbs on the old church buildings and a few token signs in Cyrillic. I remember reading that back in the 1930s (I think the article was dated 1936), movies could be filmed that took place anywhere in the world could be filmed without even leaving California. It looks like the filmmakers took that sensibility and ran with it, but unlike a lot of movies, it really shows. Going back to Pushkin, one thing that I didn't expect to be carried over into the film was Fyodor Karamazov's apparent foot fetish; in the original novel, he himself tells Dmitri, "Don't be afraid of the barefoot ones, don't despise them, they're pearls," {in addition, Pushkin's apparent fondness for "little feet" is mentioned several times, something which is especially pronounced in Eugene Onegin, Chapter 1, stanzas 30-4} and in the film, is introduced writing on the foot of a girl he had tied to his bed. Takes all sorts, I suppose. With all of this, it should go without saying that it is unlikely that a satisfactory film version of the novel would ever come about, certainly not in anything under three hours, although there is a four-hour film version from Russia made ten years after the Hollywood version, which is likely to be closer to definitive, and according to IMDB, there was recently (like earlier this summer) a miniseries version (roughly 7 1/2 hours). Of course, none of these versions are in print on DVD. Judging from the quality of this version, perhaps this is a Good thing. But perhaps an English miniseries version might be able to do the movie justice, or maybe not.

Issue 153

2009-08-11T14:25:00.002-05:00

News: The real conspiracy behind Obama's birth.
Now, the nation is moving further towards getting with the rest of the developed world in getting universal health coverage for America. Bizarrely enough, if the significant amount of coverage CNN gave to authenticating Obama's American birth is any indication, the issue that seemed to be more on the minds of a significant number of Republicans was the issue of his birthplace. Was he born somewhere other than Hawaii? Does this Make Obama ineligible for the highest office in the land? Would this change current Democratic dominance? Well, the answers to these questions are No (his birth announcement and certificate have been made public and authenticiated), Not Necessarily (even if he was born abroad, his mother was American, and he lost any Kenyan citizenship his father gave him by failing to renounce his American citizenship by 21) , and No (because nobody questions Joe Biden's citizenship). You know why I think that this flared up again now, as opposed to earlier in the actual presidency? Here's what I think: Obama's administration is looking for a way to simultaneously minimize the Republican debate against health care, and make the Republicans look like idiots. So, remembering the debate about whether his claim to "natural born citizenry" was legitimate before the election, some moles from Obama's employ decided to start up the rumor again and apparently have succeeded in doing so, since some congressmen have actually fallen for it.

Band Name of the Day: None.

Film Idea of the Day: Me and the Devil Blues. An artistic, yet deeply misanthropic teenager named Johnny meets the Devil, who wants him to write a webcomic (later named Brandi) around the premise of a teen starlet and a horse getting fused in a teleporter accident, like in Cronenberg's Fly. He hides this double life from the world, and nobody seems to notice that anybody but a 13-year old girl could write it, despite increasing levels of violences and references to serial killers and 20th Century classical composers. The rest of the comic focuses mainly on the Johnny's adventures with the devil and their interactions with his family including his parents (both of who seem to be oblivious to everything around them, and in essence, are what characters in Brett Easton Ellis novels would be like if they ever settled down to have kids), 10-year old sister Alexis (a fanatic of the comic who hasn't put two and two together about her brother's double life), and 22-year old marines veteran brother Dennis who lost the use of his legs in combat and eventually became a bitter alcoholic.

Film Review of the Day: Plumbers Don't Wear Ties. Well, it's not really a film, it's more of a game, no wait, it's more of a slideshow that verges on being soft-core porn. Of course, I suppose if you call a few isolated scenes of borderline nudity no more visible (and with much less eroticism) than the average PG-13 Austin Powers movie soft-core porn, but of course that's not accurate either. Well, what I guess it really is is a film done in a slideshow, sort of like La Jetee, no, wait, it's not like La Jetee, it doesn't even have a compelling story, or even much of a story, just a lot of scenes based around the premise of the viewer making choices that affect whether two people get together, and a narrator or two scolding you for making stupid choices. For that matter, it was released on a game console that lived on for only about 2 years, and is likely not playable on modern PC or DVD drives. At least it's available (mostly) on Youtube and in numerous reviews of crappy games like the Angry Video Game Nerd.

Quote of the Day: "The people in this novel are not human."
____________Fred Smith on Left Behind.

Issue 152

2009-08-03T15:09:00.000-05:00

Here's something I wrote during my Door County vacation.

News/Film Review: Watching the Watchmen Director's Cut.

Every so often, a work appears so great that it can only be described as perfect. Such works include Mozart's Don Giovanni, Dostoevsky's Brothers Karamazov, and Orson Welles' Citizen Kane. One work which comes close is Alan Moore's graphic novel Watchmen. When I reviewed the movie, I loved it, but had to concede that it really removed too many things. Curiously, a lot of the little things I liked in the original were removed, foremost of which was the scene wherein Rorschach describes his connection between the Kitty Genovese case and his “face,” a scene which, while explaining why Kovacs turned to vigilantism, also explains how the blotch on his mask can move. I think it would be very little of an overstatement to say that if that scene were included, I would readily call it my favorite film of all time. Of course, most of those little things I liked that were excluded weren't reinstated in the director's cut, probably for the better. After all, why have a scene where Dr. Manhattan sends all of the rioters during the police strike to their homes when the other scene during the police strike gives much more insight to the Comedian's character and the other scene in which he sends everybody around him home is a major plot point? Well, anyway, as in the original, Malin Ackerman underacts, and Billy Crudup overacts. So what's expanded upon in this cut? Two changes that were particularly welcome were that Rorschach's interviews with Malcolm Long were expanded upon (this was one of my biggest problems with the theatrical cut. I estimated that the entire events of issue 6 were condensed into 3 ½ minutes), and the biggest advertised change is the inclusion of the subplot about the death of Hollis Mason. In the theatrical cut, he appears as Dreiberg's mentor, and disappears halfway into the movie without a trace, but however, in this cut, we actually see his death scene. All I can say is that the actual scene of his death, well, reminds me a lot of Beowulf's last battle with the dragon [not Grendel, not Grendel's mother, the dragon in the last part], although, of course, he is not victorious in the end. And now there's another edition of the film in the works. Around December, there will be a five-disc edition of the film with Tales of the Black Freighter reinstated into the film [in the director's cut, all that exists of the story is a page of the comic being read by some guy before the gang meets up to kill Hollis], bringing the running time to 3 ½ hours. Although I'm unsure as to whether there will be much else added, except maybe the long-advertised “two Bernies scene”, but at least one new special feature is planned that wasn't in the Director's Cut DVD; Commentary with Zack Snyder and Dave Gibbons. These are the major reasons for getting this edition of the DVD, but there is one big reason against it: two of the five discs are the Watchmen Motion Comics that I bought months ago. Maybe if there was a 3-Disc edition with the full cut and all the special features without the Motion Comic, I'd buy it. Point is: I highly recommend the Director's Cut of Watchmen.

Band Name of the Day: None this Week.

Film Idea of the Day: I read The Yosemite Murders, and after reading it, it seems that, of all of the serial killers I've read about, Cary Stayner's story is probably the one which seems to be the most doable in film form. Of course, perhaps the way I'd do it would probably be a more art-house way than the made-for-tv film story accorded to his brother Steven. Perhaps I may not even use real names.

Quote of the Day: “Schoolchildren are merciless people: separately they're god's angels, but together, especially in school, they're quite often merciless.”

____________________Fyodor Dostoevsky.

Issue 151

2009-07-15T12:50:00.002-05:00

News: Licensed Parenthood.
Honestly, the more I hear about child abuse in the media, the more I think that it should be mandatory for anybody who wants to raise a child to have a license to do so. Here is a plan that I have for this: SImply, any couple, or single parent who wants to adopt or raise a child would have to take a test to see how fit they are to raise a child, and if they fail to pass muster, they wouldn't be allowed to raise children. If they do, in fact, have a child, despite having failed the parenthood test the last time they took it, what would happen to the child is simply this: it would be given to a couple who has passed the test. There would likely need to be no penalties for the parents (maybe a "slap on the wrist" fine), but I think that having a child taken away because of their negligence would likely be enough. Indeed, the way I see it, everybody would win. Potentially abusive parents would not have children, so the children benefit, and, in addition, as a result of this, domestic adoption businesses would have much more business and likely be much more solvent than they have in decades.

Band Name of the Day: The The Orchestra. See Below.

Film Idea of the Day: Untitled. The plot: two stoners discover that their dealer has discovered a new strain of Marijuana that is so rare that they have to get it from a time vortex from the 1930s (anybody who's seen Reefer Madness and compared the effects of marijuana there with a later film should notice the joke.) Once there, they end up having adventures in Hollywood trying to find it, while being followed by another set of time travellers; the world's largest rock band, a 30-some piece band called "THe The Orchestra."

Film review of the Day: Walker. In keeping with my increasing interest in the latter-day western, I recently rented this movie. It was supposedly so poorly recieved that not only has it not received much of a home video release since its original release 20 years ago, but it actually got the director "Blacklisted" from Hollywood productions. Of course, in hindsight, even though I was not as immersed on the Nicaraguan Civil War that this movie was indirectly commenting upon as the original audience would have been, I actually found this movie to be very interesting. I suppose my background in Brechtian technique actually helped me, especially with its increasingly obvious anachronisms. I would reccomend that anybody who watches this movie not only get some information on America's involvement with the Contras (for background on the allegory), and read Brecht's Mother Courage (for the technique).

Quote of the Day: "When I use a word, it means just what I choose it to mean — neither more nor less."
________Lewis Carroll

Issue 150

2009-07-07T12:46:00.005-05:00

News: Wacko JAcko at Rest.
Long before the world had gotten innundated with footage of Michael Jackson's passing, I had really only known him as a freakish, rich pedophile who used to be a singer. I had not really been into the music, apparently I was too young to get into his music when he was a musical God, and women fainted at the sight of him instead of fainting at the sight of him, but before I keep on plagiarizing the Nostalgia Critic, I just didn't really become a big fan of Michael Jackson. But now that the television is flooded with coverage of his death, and as I am writing, the funeral, I eventually decided to buy a copy of Thriller, as millions of others have done, and if it makes you feel any better, Mum, it has Paul McCartney guesting on one track (not that I'm above getting things that are guaranteed to shock you). Of course, I suppose that, for me, it was always easy for me to separate the artist from his art, especially when it came to unsavory aspects of a writer's life when I deeply savor his works. I mean, J.D. Salinger, the author of my favorite book, is said to have joined every religious tradition known to man, and inflicted the worst of them all on his children. In addition, all the Beat authors had something deeply disturbing about their lives, like that Burroughs and Ginsberg might have been pedophiles, and Kerouac was a conservative Catholic, while the most famous of their works were little short of brilliant, helping transform my writing styles; Furthermore, the activities around the destruction of the parts of Dead Souls (look in the Book of lost Books or Wikipedia for more details) we don't have disturbed me, but at least what we do have of it is still great, despite its necessarily fragmentary nature, and the less that is said about Louis-Ferdinand Celine's activities around the time that the French invaded, the better, but it is very likely that, if not for that, he would have won the Nobel Literature Prize.

Band Name of the Day: Squirrels on Crack. A park near where I live had a secret trove of crack cocaine and apparently some squirrels got into it.

Film Review of the Day: Two Films will be reviewed today, one I liked, one I hated.
Stalker. I recently became a fan of Soviet film director Andrei Tarkovsky. In fact, I have seem most of his features (The Mirror and Nostalghia being the only ones I haven't seen.) This movie, however, is likely the best of the seven films he made, although, to most critics, I'm sure most of his films would likely make many critics' list of the best films of all time. Indeed, while it is hardly his most accessible film (Ivan's Childhood would certainly take that honor), it is certainly very well done. I cannot find a single flaw with the film, and I like it so much that I intend to make the film (and the script of a remake thereof) a major plot point in my "Once and Future Princess" novella. Certainly, many people would be put off by a slowly moving film in Russian that plays like Beckett doing Wizard of Oz, but, I can honestly say it works for me. The only real flaw that I can find is with the disc and not the film itself; The english soundtrack, it should be warned, is not really a dub as most would expect, but is in fact, a voiceover, performed Manos-style, with just one guy doing all the voices (except for a woman who does the voice of the only two female speaking parts, with no more than 5 minutes' screen time between them), and for that matter, more often than not, the readings are flat and emotionless, but fortunately, the original russian soundtrack is still audible.

Edmond. I got a book called Cinemascopes, two years ago. It's about personality types that can be gleamed from favorite movies. Looking into a lot of my favorite films (or at least the ones I could find on the list; Stalker is not on the list), I found that my personality types tended to go with two of these types: Existential Savior and Passionate Maverick (before I continue, I must say: Nietzsche was a maverick, McCain and Palin are just two people who can fake being an angstrom to the left of the Republican Party Line). In fact, my favorite movie, A Clockwork Orange actually had both of these types. Eventually, I compiled a list of the films that also had both types. Many of the films that had both types I've liked, from established classics like Dr. Strangelove, Tarantino's first two films, anf the aforementioned ACO and a few buried treasures like SFW, Bad Lieutenant, and Auto Focus. However, a few of these films, in my opinions, were very bad. This is one of them. The plot is that a 47-year old man, on the prompting of a fortune teller, decides to leave his family and become a homophobic, racist mysoginist in New York's slums. I would say that Mamet is just ripping off Mike Leigh's Naked, but, in fact, the play on which this film is based is actually 10 years older than Naked, which leaves the impression that, if Leigh ripped off Mamet, he actually vastly improved on the original. In Naked, the protagonist's anger at society and his habit of preaching whatever's on his mind to whomever's around makes him a compelling character, but in Edmond's case, it just makes him annoying. The only thing that makes Edmond better is its ending, specifically that it's less than 90 minutes long.

QUOTE: "I'm dying of Cirrhosis of the liver. Doctor says I've got about 3 weeks. So, Shall we drink to that?"
______________Daughter, "THe Bully" (reviewed below)

Tract Review: The Bully. In it, a drunk cautions his daughter against accepting Jesus, but later has a near-death experience and converts (let's set aside the fact that NDEs have been shown repeatedly to be hallucinations from the loss of oxygen to the brain), and eventually gets his daughter saved just before she dies of cirrhosis. I cannot help but imagine the dad as Ken Titus (from Titus), and the daughter as drunk Toot Braunstein.

Issue 149

2009-06-27T15:56:00.003-05:00

News: Quite possibly the most bizarre tribute album ever conceived...
Recently, I bought a copy of a tribute album to the Carpenters (If I were a Carpenter) by various alt-rock artists (incidentally, this is not the album alluded to in the title). Think about it; several bands made up of jaded youths covering a band who, in their salad days, not only didn't drink or do drugs, but didn't even move out of their parents' house. Listening to the album again, I eventually ended up thinking about another artist who deserves a similar tribute album where the famous songs are divorced from their traditional style; I am talking about Disney songwriter Alan Mencken. Of course, if the album is ever made, it should feature songs from most, if not all, of his film projects, and even Little Shop of Horrors will be included, likely with more numbers included than the other films. Here are a few highlights of my plans for arrangements for the album, should I find someone to help it come to fruition (ideally a keyboardist who is able to transfer my vision into a medium that other musicians would understand, and is just as mad as I am). From LSOH: "Somewhere that's Green" will be performed as if it is a Tom Waits song, likely with accompaniment coming only from piano to complement my gruff voice singing lines like "I look Like Donna Reed." Yeah. The cover of "Whole New World" from Aladdin is done in a similar alt-rock vein to the Carpenters tribute mentioned earlier, with an unusual intro: the first line "I can show you the world" is punctuated with a low, resonating chord sustained for upwards of half a minute before launching into the song proper, somewhat similar to this song. Enchanted's "True Love's Kiss" (The only one of his songs for that movie to not get an Oscar nomination) will be done in a similar style to Hurra Torpedo complete with the sounds of wrecking kitchen appliances. One strange idea I came up with follows: For the Film "Home on the Range," there were few songs that seemed to be worth covering, even though the villian is a cattle rustler who is also a virtuoso yodeler (I am not making this up), but one part caught my ear: Jennifer Tilly's character, to establish her tone-deafness, is singing a one-note (like Neil Young's solo in "Cinnamon Girl") version of "She'll be coming 'round the mountain." Hearing this, it hit upon me that, to represent this, I could redo the lyrics of that song with the music of another song similarly sung around one note; U2's "Numb." Yes, there will need to be more songs for the album, but it will need to be mentioned that the shadows of Tom Waits, Leonard Cohen, and Sweeney Todd will hang over most of the rest of the songs on the album.

Film Idea of the Day: I am in the process of writing a short story about a couple (a psychiatrist and an english teacher) who celebrate the 25th anniversary of their first date one November evening in the same restaurant that the original had occurred, and the conflict between the man and a baby who just had to cry while "Their song" happened to be playing. Picture it as being in the tradition of Hemingway's "The Killers."

Film Review of the Day: Foxes. The film debut of Adrian Lyne, and the last film Jodie Foster made as a child star (before she went to Yale and went on a hiatus from acting), what I really loved about this movie was its cinematography. I have heard that every frame of Terence Malick's "Days of Heaven" looks like it could be mounted upon a wall as a work of art (I think Scorsese was the one who said it, but I'm not sure), and, in fact, while that may be true for Malick's film (it;s been a long time since I've seen it), watching Foxes, I can safely say that this actually holds true for this film as well. While, admittedly, Foxes has a forgettable plot which does not differentiate it very much from many of the other films in this genre, but it is truly in its photography that the movie saves itself.

Quote of the day: "A thunderstorm interrupted the celebration in Orleans in honor of Joan of Arc and the 477th anniversary of the defeat of the english."
____________Felix Feneon.

Issue 148

2009-06-16T12:27:00.002-05:00

News: State of the site.
Well, after spending four weeks on a particularly intense interim Chemistry Course, I'm finally back, and here's hoping that I'll be able to update more frequently than I've been doing in the past few months. Finally, I'll be able to work on the blog, finish my play (since the movie that it's based upon has just been re-released on an unusually cheap Criterion DVD today [for Criterion, $30 for a 2-Disc set is extremely cheap, especially when, sometimes, one-disc sets can cost $40]), and maybe I'll be able to get some work done on the "Once and Future Princess" novella [the one where the director goes insane while doing a film that is pretty much loosely based upon the "Princess Diaries" series, and makes it stranger and stranger]. "To Myself and Others" has been put on hold until I can figure out some ways to pad it to a full novel length. Of course, there will be some changes to the format of each entry, with two sections being temporarily eliminated. The first one "Band NAme of the Day," will be eliminated primarily because I'm lacking in new ideas. The second section, "The Link of the Day" will be eliminated for the same reason, but also for another reason; soon after the last entry was published, I was informed that this site was briefly flagged as a spamblog. Fortunately, I requested a review, and it appears that the scare is over, and my dad surmised that the links had something to do with the flagging. However, for the time being, I have decided to suspend the posting of new links. Here's hoping that I can post something next week that doesn't have to do with how I'm not finding time to write!

Film Idea of the Day: Death to America. The idea for this, as I intend for it, is that it is to be a film about a man who names himself "Ape Rape," and, stricken by a case of Ennui surrounding the funeral of his uncle, decides to run for office in the most surprising way possible; by commandeering a tank (his legacy from his uncle), and handing out flyers while blowing sh*t up, running on a campaign promise of "Death to America," and generally behaving in antisocial ways that many would find unbecoming of a political candidate. Music I intend for it: Creedence Clearwater Revival, some Russian Orthodox church music, a Morricone-ized version of Phil Ochs' "Crucifixion," and, for the rest of the music, duelling cellists. The film, to add to the strangeness, will have all of its dialogue in Esperanto (the idea of a language created to foster world peace being used in a film that is, in essence, a celebration of Anarchy like "V for Vendetta" should have been should be nothing short of bizarre), and, it ends as he dies in a shootout, and wins the election.

Film Review of the Day: The good, The Bad, and the Ugly. I spent a lot of the previous Saturday morning watching this movie for the first time, and I have to say that Sergio Leone's directing ability floors me. Indeed, the fact that this, possibly the real masterpiece of the Western genre that was and really is so peculiar to America, was originally made in Italy for an Italian audience, floors me, especially in its attempts to accurately recreate the era that were so unsuccessful in American films, although, of course, postwar Italy never had a Hays office to deal with in the same way that America did.

Quote of the Day: "Everyone in the world is Christ and they are all crucified. "
_______________Sherwood Anderson.

Issue 147

2009-05-29T10:29:00.002-05:00

News: Proposition 8 Passes.
Just a few days ago, California's courts passed a controversial measure to put into the constitution a message which banned same-sex marriage. Of course, there are a few states where this is legal, but I have to ask: Why shouldn't gay people have the right to marry each other? Would having 2 men or 2 women marrying each other be more of an insult to a "sacred institution" such as marriage than the existence of Las Vegas-style quickie marriages and divorces that made Britney Spears' first marriage particularly notable? Or that somebody like myself can actually be licensed to perform marriages in this state? How will gay marriage affect your life in such a negative way that you feel that you have a duty to oppose it? Is the issue of whether homosexuals really should have the same exact rights as heterosexuals really such a big issue that you need to legislate your prejudices for all? If gay rights is really the proverbial "hill to die on" for the Christian right, I hope that they have written their last words already. At the very least, I would be very reasonable to assume that their grandchildren would end up looking upon their grandparents' generation who fought against gay rights, and would dismiss them in very much the same way that today's generation dismisses those who fought against Civil Rights. All I can say is that, despite this setback, it is likely only a matter of time until same-sex marriage becomes legal nation-wide, in the same way that gay sex itself became legalised nationwide in 2003.

Band Name of the Day: The Legion of Excited Prostitutes. From Cryptonomicon.

Film IDea of the Day: Young Americans. I can imagine this as a series similar to Little Britain, except with a larger cast, and many even more strange characters who aren't just exported from the british version of the show, including a rock star whose drug use has rendered him incoherent when he's not singing, a noir novelist whose plots frequently get totally derailed, a Gulf war vet who seems to pop up everywhere, and two teenaged boys, one of whom is uptight, and the other is hell-bent on having sex with any female regardless of age, body temperature, or species.

Review of the Day: Draughtsman's Contract. All that needs to be said is that, it seems not so much like a movie that takes place in the 1600s, as a film that would have been made if people in 1600s Britain could make movies (much less in full color and sound.) The only real thing that detracts from the illusion is the score, with its anachronistic saxophone section, as good as it is, of course.

Quote of the Day: "His name was Finnish, but he was British as only a non British Anglophile could be."
______Neal Stephenson, Cryptonomicon. This book, so far, seems to be as filled with lots of funny lines like this, as it does with really cryptic information you'll be hard-pressed to understand unless you've gotten far enough in life to become a qualified computer programmer.

Link of the Day: The personal site of yet another freethinker, less funny and more scholarly than Jim Huger.

Issue 146

2009-05-10T09:07:00.002-05:00

News: Dinosaur Tissue does not mean a young earth.
Well, so I haven't been making good on my promise to post more regularly. Some of the things that have been occupying me are the addition of several new projects coming my way in school, including my final essays in English and my Honors Seminar, and hopefully I should get them finished. Another thing that has been sidetracking me is a debate that has been going on in one of my forums (not Newspeak), where I have been debating two creationists who claim that recent discoveries of dinosaur tissue prove that dinosaurs co-existed with man, and that, therefore, the earth is young. Here is my summary of the problems with this reasoning, as given by talk.origins: For instance, the age of fossils is not given by how well-preserved they are, but by radiometric dating (which of course, is rejected by creationists), and it is the radiometric dating that confirmed the age of the bones, among many other methods. Indeed, if the fossils are as young as the creationists assume they are, why would this be news which they can use to trumpet their worldview? If they were, wouldn't we be be able to recover DNA from dinosaurs by now? Besides, we weren't even able to recover DNA from them. Indeed, for that matter, even if it could prove that Dinosaurs co-existed with man, and there is no evidence whatsoever for that conclusion, that would not have proven that the earth is young. The theory of evolution does not demand that organisms change over millions of years, and in an unchanging environment, they wouldn't. Hopefully, after classes are done next week, or probably after my Chemistry interim class, updates may become more frequent.

Band Name of the Day: DinoBlood from the title of the thread.

Film Idea of the Day: None.

Film Review of the Day: The Cook the Thief His Wife & Her Lover. This movie, while certainly disgusting at many moments, enough so to making me proud to be prefer casual dining restaurants to the sort of opulent restaurants seen in the film, certainly treats its subject matter in such an amazing manner (especially in its cinematography and music) that I must say that I believe that everybody over 18 should see it at least once, with the key words being "Over 18" [non-negotiable, as the movie is currently rated NC-17, but I must admit that it is hardly as pornographic as the connotation of the rating implies], and, to a lesser extent "once" [I'm sure that for most viewers, once is more than enough.] The way that I'm interpreting this movie is not in the light of Thatcherism, although my general ignorance of Thatcher's government is probably to blame, but in a more generally cynical manner; Albert Spica, who seems to thrive on being anywhere from violent (ubiquitous throughout the film) or otherwise irritating to others (particularly when haranguing Michael for reading in the restaurant), is seen as a contrast with Michael, who seems to have very little interest in being around other people, outside of his lover Georgina and is likely the most sympathetic of the leads. Georgina and Richard are ultimately corrupted by their associations with Albert.

Quote of the Day: "And here's Marta, our subway sweetheart. Taking the A-Train to fashion. With her mustard socks and her ketchup sash. She is a real hot dog."
________Mr. T

Link of the Day: I am beginning to get interested in Baudelaire.

Issue 145

2009-04-19T13:45:00.004-05:00

News: I'm Ba-ack!
You may have noticed that I have been posting much less frequently in the past few months. Well, that is not due to my writing the screenplay for the Captain Planet movie, as that was my fourth annual April Fools' day post. The real reasons are a lot more complex than that, but also somewhat related to that. One big problem, and one which would not need much more explanation is that I am simply not getting enough material for a blog post. I have not been having a lot of new film ideas, nor have I been discovering enough interesting links for the links section. Fortunately, I have had a lot of interesting movies, and, if I have enough to say on them, I may be putting these in the News section unless I actually get something interesting. The bigger problem is that I have been wading Nipple-deep in schoolwork, whether it be preparing a presentation on Schopenhauer for my Honors Seminar, working on a paper on I Never Promised You a Rose Garden for Abnormal Psych, or working on a huge research paper on School Reform for English class, which has been particularly consuming for me in the past month, indeed, finding enough relevant sources has been very time-consuming, and I was only able to post the Captain Planet thing because I had the idea in my head since I discovered the Nostalgia Critic video on Captain Planet and realized I had a good idea on how to mess it up. Fortunately, I finished the first draft of the Research Paper today and have gotten it up to as well as I could. Now, the only things of note that I need to do for school for the rest of the semester is write two film reports on films I've already seen, and two essays that haven't been assigned yet. The worst part's over now. All I need to do is drudge up some material for the blog.

Band Name of the Day: Middle Child Syndrome.

Film Idea of the Day: Honestly, if Ted Turner is willing to let me deconstruct/mess with Captain Planet as I proposed in my April Fools' day Message, I would do that.

Film Review of the Day: The Brady Bunch Movie. I loved the television show precisely for its extremely campy nature, and I wouldn't be surprised if the show was as anachronistic in the Early Seventies as it is now. When I saw the movie version, I was amazed to see how it was, in essence, written in more or less the same way I would write it; a deconstruction of the show written with the Brady Bunch still stuck in the Sixties, and the rest of the world stuck in the present day, and one moment I found particularly priceless was one not even I could have imagined: Marcia ends up getting snogged by a girl. I am not making this up, just look in the topmost, leftmost panel.

Quote of the Day: "Excuse me, officers, but I hate to ask a law enforcement official to bend the rules, especially for Penal Code 117, Section 33b, but our house is at stake."
____________Bobby Brady, the Brady Bunch Movie.

Link of the Day: Yup, this is how low I'm digging for links.

Tract Review: It's All About You. Simply put, it is Jack's illustration of why you must become like little children to enter the Kingdom of Heaven: Because you have to be so stupid to get behind his arguments that there's no way you ever mentally reached adulthood. Either that or it's about a college girl talking on campus with her grandfather. I don't get it either; I'm currently in college, but I've never seen girls talking talking their grandfathers. And if their relationship was really so close, why didn't he seem to see fit to talk to her about Jesus before she went to College?

Wery Important Message

2009-04-01T21:35:00.002-05:00

You may have noticed that I have been updating my blog much less recently than usual, updating twice a month instead of thrice a month, as I did earlier. However, I have an explanation: I have been attached to do the Big-screen Live Action adaptation of 1990s TV series Captain Planet. To get a good idea of what to expect, here's the gist of it: The film begins with a 10 minute sequence set to Funkadelic's "Maggot Brain", with the poem at the beginning set to an entirely black screen. The rest of that section of the film is a montage intercutting scenes of pollution, the awakening of earth-spirit Gaia, and the lives of the Future planeteers while they get the rings. It is important to note that in the original series, while the other four planeteers, (Ma-Ti, Linka, Kwame, and Gi) are all known to have been interested in environmentalism before, Wheeler is one who was chosen for his short temper. This sets the stage for the rest of the film, where it is revealed that, even for the simplistic template of the original series, it is important to note that here, Wheeler's dark side is so complex that he makes most any of the crimefighters from Watchmen seem One-dimensional. I won't go into the specifics of the movie, but I will say that Wheeler often abuses his power of fire, undergoes an addiction to the power of "Heart", and he actually does end up with Linka, with the climax including a scene which mirrors the last shot of Fight Club, with them kissing while a building behind them burns. The film ends with the Planeteers pleading with the audience to help save the world before they make a sequel.

Issue 144

2009-03-21T20:23:00.003-05:00

News: Is Black History Month redundant now?
Recently, in my college English class, I had an essay assigned, and the topic assigned was that we had to state how much we as a college should celebrate Black History Month. Before I state my opinion on the Black History Month, I should be completely up front about my attitudes towards race: as Emo Philips, Dennis Miller, and possibly Denis Leary said "Why hate someone for the color of their skin when there are much better reasons to hate them?" I also believe, on a less comedic note, that race is ultimately a social construct that would best be abolished, if at all possible. With this in mind, I believe that we no longer need Black History Month. As a matter of fact, a very interesting point was made when I discovered the circumstances behind the establishment of Black History Month, or, as it was known, Negro History Week. In 1925, Black history was being overlooked by a lot of people, mainly because white people didn't care, and there weren't enough black people with the education to become scholars of their own history. Soon, Carter G. Woodson, a famous black historian, decided to institute a week devoted to the study of black history. This is certainly noble enough and I applaud him for this, but the real kicker is here: Woodson didn't want just a week or a month to be devoted to Black History; He intended the week to become a gateway for mainstream historians to realize the impact that his people had upon America, and when this was accomplished, the celebration would no longer be needed. Certainly we know that Black people had a great impact on this country, especially since the civil rights movement became such a pivotal moment in American History, so perhaps Woodson's intention has been fulfilled. We should certainly teach black history, but why keep relegating it to just one month? Why not celebrate black history alongside white history?

Band Name of the Day: Fantastiny or Nietzsche-Winky. Both are from "Falwell in Hell."

Film idea of the Day: A couple honeymooning in a small Florida hotel ends up witness to the ghosts who still inhabit the hotel complex. (I'm still working on the plot, trying to fit a plot around a version of the Jamaica Inn.)

Review of the Day: Tin Drum. I just watched this movie, and I have to say, it is as accurate an adaptation of Gunter Grass' Nobel-winning work as I can imagine being done. Of course, the real prize is the featurette supplement to the DVD, Banned in Oklahoma, which has the story of how it was briefly banned in Oklahoma, only to emerge vindicated and more popular than ever. I highly reccomend both.

Quote of the Day: "Our kind must never sit in the audience. Our kind must perform and run the show, or the others will run us."
___________Bebra, The Tin Drum

Link of the Day: Falwell in Hell, a webcomic starring Jerry Falwell, Nietzsche-Winky, everybody's favorite demon-Teletubby-philosopher , and a bunch of Squirrels.

Issue 143

2009-03-09T21:32:00.003-05:00

News/Review: I watched the Watchmen or, OMIGODTHISISTHEGREATESTMOVIEIVEEVERSEENINMYLIFE!!
As you might have inferred, I have recently seen the movie Watchmen, based upon the graphic novel. As you might have also inferred, I loved this movie! This movie could easily be one of my top five movies of all time. I recently read the graphic novel in preparation for the movie, and I have to say that even with many of the Graphic novels I've read in the past, this easily blows them all out of the water. As I had expected, the movie, unlike the other movies that had been said to be based upon Alan Moore's work, is almost a panel-for-shot remake in many places. Of course, a lot of moments I liked were missed (from Dr. Manhattan dispersing the crowd to the character arc that Rohrschach's psychiatrist goes through, as well as Rohrschach's pivotal experience with Kitty Genovese), but overall, Zack Snyder had enough reverence for the source material to keep meddling with new material to a minimum. However, some of the material that Snyder added was certainly welcome, particularly the opening credits scene, and especially within that Silhouette's homage to the famous V-J Day Kiss photos (FYI, I saw photos because there were two different photos of the same kiss.) Another thing I loved about the film was its music. There were three Bob Dylan songs, one of them a new, more managable cover by My Chemical Romance of "Desolation Row," as well as some classical music from the likes of Philip Glass, Wagner, and Mozart, three of my favorite composers, and, the icing on the cake, something not even Dr. Manhattan could have imagined (even with his fatalism underscored like in the graphic novel): two numbers by my favorite American singer-songwriter (because Canada counts here as American): Leonard Cohen. Two verses of his original version of Hallelujah underscore a sex scene between Nite Owl and Silk Spectre, and his song "First We Take Manhattan" is in the closing credits. Indeed, from my perspective Jackie Earle Haley and Patrick Wilson have done an incredibly great job in performing their characters. The other actors certainly try, but the rest are certainly missing something in their portrayals.

Band Name of the Day: Gunga Dinner. From a blimp in the Watchmen film and Graphic novel.

Film Idea of the Day: After being diagnosed with terminal cancer and disinherited by his family for not measuring up to his sister, he decides to get revenge. Believe me, it's a lot better in my head than it sounds here.

Quote of the Day: "Everything Fits in this world except people."
______________Watchmen.

Link of the Day: A site keeping track of the Watchmen universe.

Issue 142

2009-02-24T20:28:00.002-06:00

News: The Problem of Hell.
One of the biggest problems that led me to leave Christianity is the big contradiction between the idea of the all-good and loving God and the idea that he sends people to eternal punishment in Hell. The biggest problem lies in the fact that the whole point behind hell is eternal and infinite punishment of people. However, people can only commit a finite amount of sin. Even the evils of the Holocaust and other significant genocides were finite, and were supposed to be finite, however large they were. James Joyce explained exactly the implications of infinite punishment in the sermon Father Arnall gives in Section 2 of Chapter 3 of Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man where he states that if one counts the grains of a seashore and counts each as a million years, not even an instant of that eternity would have passed (the protagonist Stephen Dedalus ends up leaving the church later). And this gets even more disturbing when, as a Protestant, it was explained to me that ultimately it wasn't even a matter of Good and Evil that led to God deciding who went to where, but ultimately, whether one believed in Jesus the right way. The only way this could possibly be right would be if all those who believed lived Good lives, and if all those who lived good lives ended up believing by their deaths. Of course, taking two case studies shows exactly how wrong this is: Bertrand Russell, an agnostic/atheist who was campaigning for peace and against racism since before Martin Luther King was born, or at least, was a small child; and John List (a Missourah Synod Lutheran, like I was) who killed his family and originally claimed that he did so because he wanted them to send them to heaven. You should see the problem. One particular reply to this problem by a Catholic apologist interested me, as the argument itself, as, before it went into a spiel about how great it is to have a personal God who is willing to mete out infinite punishment for finite sin, the reply boiled down to simply (to quote Woody Harrelson in Natural Born Killers) "Who's innocent? Are You innocent?" OF course, the Catholic view of hell has evolved since the days of Fr. Arnall. At the Catholic High school I went to, it was stated that it was believed that Hell was just a place which was ultimately just grim and joyless, and I actually once decided to ask one teacher, "so, basically, it's just like life on Earth?" And, shockingly enough, he actually noted that C.S. Lewis states as such in one of his books. The implication seemed to be that life sucked so much that God couldn't think of any worse punishment than living through it over again. That ultimately life is a negative experience can be understood in a Buddhist context, as they don't have any all-powerful and all-good beings who should be able to stop it completely. However, in a religion which prides itself on having an all-powerful and all-good being in charge, the existence of evil and certainly Hell would be inexcusable. Then one thing led to another, particularly in the department of critical thinking, and I left the church.

Band Name of the Day: Nothing this week.

Film Idea of the Day: Hrafnkel's saga. If I can somehow adapt this to be redone in modern-day America, I think it could be very well done. There's a link to this saga below in several languages (English is, fortunately one of them). A Freya-worshipping warrior ends up losing everything, including his faith, but ends up as a better person, especially after rebuilding his power base and achieving revenge.

Film Review of the Day: 27 Dresses. Once again, I break from reviewing a film I watched recently which I liked to reviewing one which I hate. When watching the trailers before the DVD for Juno, I saw one for this movie, and I thought, by the awkward dialogue, that this could possibly be a cheesy movie that I could laugh at solely for being a crappy movie (like Teen Witch or Princess Diaries or Bratz). However, I recently decided to watch it, and I found I could not even really find it good in a cheesy sense. From dialogue like that would make even Ed Wood cringe, like "Love is patient, love is kind, love is slowly going out of your mind", or "I feel like I just found out my favorite love song was written about a sandwich," to unrealistic plot developments like the protagonist humiliating her sister and making up in less than five minutes' (screen) time, a Gone With the Wind themed wedding, and getting married with 27 bridesmaids, I could only find one line which could pass for funny in this "comedy" (it is quoted below). Please avoid this movie at all costs, especially if you're sober.

Quote of the Day: "She Likes Caulk."
______________James Marsden.

Link of the Day: I have recently gotten interested in Norse Sagas. I'm not quite sure how.

Issue 141

2009-02-14T21:17:00.002-06:00

News: Review: This Godless Communism: Chapter 2.
When going through Chick Dissection, I went over the comments and discovered this comic about Communism (and the history thereof) from an old comic that was called This Godless Communism (as opposed to some other Godless Communism?). I'm not too into the history of the USSR that dominates Chapters 3-9, or the red scare-era propaganda dominating 1 and 10. However, I feel confident about my ability to dissect Chapter 2, focusing on the life of Marx. I must note that the writer doesn't get off to a good start with the sections on his early life. For instance, while he did end up changing colleges early on in his college career, he was not expelled from the first college, and probably not for the "strange ideas" that his father mentions. Later, the comic seems to put the blame on his thought (specifically religion) on his teacher G.W.F. Hegel. Specifically, the author blames Hegel for Marx's method on his abandonment of religion. Of course, his father himself was from a family rabbi who had converted from Judaism to Lutheranism, but never really took either religion seriously, leaning more towards deism. Also, Hegel, from what I could gleam from his writings, didn't seem too much like a materialist to me, and even had a large following among what we would now call "christian fundamentalists" in Germany, and the comic also fails to mention that his infatuation with Hegelianism ended fairly quickly. Surprisingly enough, after his spiritual "unawakening," he goes into a rant which is the closest thing that happens in the entire story to an explanation of what communism even is, and mentions that nobody has ever explained how eventually, under Marxist communism, the government would eventually cease to exist. Of course, perhaps it could be that when everybody is eventually happy under Marxism, there will be no need for a government because there would eventually be nothing for a government to do. Of course, it soon reverts to only talking about religious implications of Communism when they would have been talking about other aspects in real life. Finally, they talk about how he spent his final years working on "das kapital" failing to mention that he had been working on it on and off since he got the advance in 1844, and, from what I had heard, from my philosophy teacher, it was roughly 1/20th of what it was orignially planned to be by the time of his death. Well,even for a few-page-long religious tract in comic book form, it is still sort of accurate, even if it removes a lot of the things from his life which would eventually have it make any sort of sense in any sort of form, but for 1960, what do you expect?

Band Name of the Day: Well, even in the several weeks it has been since I posted, the best I can do is "THe Young Hegelians." This definitely seems like the sort of name that only works if you're a bunch of university philosophy professors uniting for a one-off gig for the university.

Film Idea of the Day: None.

Film Review of the Day: The Departed. It is quite easily one of the best movies about a non-Italian Mafia (although to be fair, it is probably one of the only movies about a non-Italian mafia I have ever seen). Even there, it is still a good movie, certainly quite deserving of all the honors and awards it had thrust upon it.

Quote of the Day: "We know God exists. We have too many proofs." (ed: and virtually all of them have been shown to be flawed in some way.)
_______________ Anonymous non-Hegelian in the comic.

Link of the Day: This Godless Communism. Read it for yourself.

Issue 140

2009-01-27T21:28:00.004-06:00

News: Barack and Beethoven?
Recently, around last week, I got two things that I've wanted for a long time: One of them is a copy of Herbert von Karajan's 1963 cycle of Beethoven's symphonies (as heard in A Clockwork Orange), which I've only wanted for about a year or two, and something I've wanted ever since George W. Bush took power (I will not say "got elected," because that implies he achieved power from a mandate of the masses, which his first election clearly wasn't), and that is a president who intends to keep America from going on the same path to ruin it has been taking since 2001. In the latter case, I am, of course, talking about Barack Obama. For as long as I've known that he actually had some sort of chance, I have supported him. I may not have mentioned him much in the past 24 months, but I can only state that I have supported him all the way. I can't quite say that I agree with him so much that my only disagreements with him are in what car to drive (to paraphrase Ted "the Elephant Preacher" Haggard), but still I am sure that there is no way whatsoever that he can do as bad as Bush has, even if it turned out that he was really "The Smiler" from Transmetropolitan, which is, of course, impossible. So what if some people still think he's a muslim? What would even make a muslim less qualified to run this country than somebody who seems to run the world based around the idea that Jesus is coming soon, so we should immanetize the eschaton and make the world worse to ensure he comes back? This is supposed to be a happy occasion, one marked by a day when we can finally celebrate the day when 55% of us decided that the way things were happening in 2008 shouldn't go on any longer, and, for the first time in a long time, Americans can finally actually hear the words to Beethoven's Ode To Joy (at least in Translation), and upon reading the lyrics in translation, can actually appreciate them as freedom actually isn't in Jeopardy. Of course, I'm probably romanticising this too much, but this is certainly very good news, to say the least.

Band Name of the Day: Bam Bam Aram. From the parody of The Beach Boys' "Barbara Ann" contained in the movie Surf Ninjas, reviewed in the link below.

Film Idea of the Day: I am seriously considering ways that Nabokov's seemingly unfilmable novel "Pale Fire" can be made into a film. Here's my idea for the film: the movie is done as a mockumentary about the poet John Shade, who will be played by the same person who plays Charles Kinbote. As the annotations in the original book end up turning away from the poem, the film should end up focusing less on Shade and more on Kinbote's claims.

Film Review of the Day: The Brave One. Simply put, Jodie Foster ends up becoming Bernie Goetz and actually gets away with it. As simplistic as my description was, I still must say that the movie was pretty well done. Considering that I like both the star (Foster) and the director (Neil Jordan), this is much what I expected.

Quote of the Day:
"A conservative and a liberal are walking along the beach when they see a man drowning a hundred feet off shore. The conservative throws him a 50 foot rope and shouts to the victim "You provide the other fifty feet." The liberal throws the man a 200 foot rope...and lets go of both ends."
__________Anonymous. Why Andrew Schlafy decided that this would be a good "Conservative Parable" when it denigrates both liberals and conservatives is beyond me.

Link Of the Day: That Guy With The Glasses. He reviews bad movies, and condenses good movies, with a little help from his friends.

Issue 139

2009-01-14T14:14:00.003-06:00

News/Review: Expelled: There's a reason it is.
In the last entry, I mentioned that I had wanted to see Expelled, mainly to write a column here to see how much bull it was, but my usual channels failed me. Finally, I looked on YouTube, and it was there, and so, I finally saw it. I was right, and even though I finally watched it, it was very much what I had expected it to be: a movie about Ben Stein griping about how Intelligent Design is "persecuted." What I didn't expect was that he would actually fail to try and give any real argument about why it should be considered at all more valid. The closest thing he comes to creating an argument was when he claims that the odds of the first life forming are somewhere in the area of 1 in 10^72, (of course, the "scientist" quoted does only say the word trillion six times). However, even if the odds of this happening were so small, this does not necessarily mean that this is impossible. I will show you exactly how this argument is flawed. Imagine a raffle at a high school with 1000 students in the raffle, and one student wins. Another student protests that the odds of the winner winning are 1000:1, and that the winner must have cheated, failing to account for the fact that the odds of anybody else winning are about the same. The only other argument that Stein attempts to make, that evolutionary ideas were a major influence on Hitler, is very flawed, because even if science hadn't long since repudiated eugenical ideas such as Hitler's, even if there was any evidence that Hitler was more influenced by evolution than his interpretation of religion, as much as it perverted the message of (or at least the message we attribute to) Jesus, even if not for the fact that a lot of ideologies actually used and abused Darwinian ideas, even if there weren't genocides long before Darwin's theories came onto the scene (many of which were doubtlessly inspired by religion), even if not for the fact that even if he was influenced, the idea that he would have to do anything would show a gross misinterpretation of Darwin on his part, and even if there weren't more "even ifs" I could write, this argument doesn't hold water because the argument holds no real value on its scientific truth. In the end, it should be noted that THERE IS A GOOD REASON PEOPLE DON'T TEACH INTELLIGENT DESIGN IN SCHOOLS, and it's for the same exact reason we don't teach psychologists to study the irregularities in people's skulls, or that very small solutions that often for all intents and purposes add up to little more than overpriced water is good pharmacology, it's because it's been thoroughly debunked. There's my review.

Band Name of the Day: The Casino of Life. From the Expelled movie, where they decide to put the odds at the first life forming.

Film Idea: Not an idea per se, but a list of some of the parallels that brought me to see how similar the movies Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas and Roman Holiday really were.
*Surprisingly, they are both 118 minutes long. This is, of course, a coincidence.
*In both films, the male lead is a journalist who is covering a story with an associate (in RH, a photographer, and in FLILV, his attourney.)
*These reporters end up traveling the city with their companions.
*Both of these reporters end up failing to publish the stories they were sent to write.
*Both of them end up spending much of the time pursuing their desires, in Peck's case, Audrey Hepburn, and in Thompson's case, "Every drug known to Civilized Man since 1544 AD."

Quote of the Day: "What Gods Don't You Believe in?"
_______________Ben Stein, Expelled. I hope that he was kidding when he asked this to Richard Dawkins, but I'm pretty sure he wasn't.

Link of the Day: Two entries ago, I forgot to link to this comic.

Tract Review: Papa. After watching the Pope's funeral, a man talks with his neighbor, who informs him about how Catholicism is somehow a continuation of the ancient Roman religion.

Issue 138

2009-01-08T15:46:00.003-06:00

News: Scientology: Another
I avoid celebrity gossip like the plague. I find no point in listening to or reading people gossiping about famous people and the things that photographers catch them doing, and for more on this view, watch the South Park episode "Britney's New Look." However, the recent death of John Travolta's son Jett has raised some particular interest in me. Apparently, Jett Travolta had a long history of seizures and eventually died of them. In many cases, medication would help them, but Scientology basically forbids its followers from taking medication when it treats any sort of mental illness, even if not taking it could mean their death. As it turns out, Scientology is probably one of the most messed up religions in America today, and this includes fundamentalist Christianity. If it actually held any real political power, or any power outside of Hollywood, I would have to say it is the most messed up. Basically, what you have is a church created by an unsuccessful Sci-Fi writer who decided that he could probably get more success as the founder of a religion. Why couldn't a better Sci-fi writer, like Robert Heinlein, have created his own religion? At least, if the viewpoints in Stranger in a Strange Land, and Job : A Comedy of Justice, are any indication, I would probably be more sympathetic (especially if we disregarded the militaristic propaganda that is Starship Troopers.) One last thing about Scientology that I'll tell you about that I find very fundamentally wrong is the Church's insistence on spoon-feeding the doctrine in small steps, and discouraging people from actually going over it themselves. Any organization which does not support independent research into it, I say is not worthy of trust, and certainly not the devotion that religion tends to demand.

Band Name of the Day: Eggo/Preggo. From Juno. Of course, the owners of the Eggo name might sue, but it's worth a try.

Film Idea of the Day: Ashley. The story is basically a very dark modern-day version of Cinderella. Some aspects I might share with you about how I will change it: It takes place in Wilmette, The protagonist's Fairy godmother is a large drug dealer with butterfly-style wings, and the ending, while good for her, does not end so happily ever after for her step-family.

Film Review of the Day: Valkyrie. In my last entry, I mentioned this film as a movie I wished I had seen in the last year. Fortunately, I saw the movie last week, and I am quite impressed. It was certainly quite an accurate depiction of the plot to kill Hitler, at least from what I've heard.

Quote of the Day: "You can serve Germany, or the Fuehrer. Not both!"
_______________Claus von Stauffenberg, Valkyrie.

Link of the Day: Just one of many websites devoted to criticism of Scientology.

Issue 137

2008-12-30T19:29:00.003-06:00

News/Reviews: 2008 in film.
2008 was nowhere near the year for good movies that 2007 was. However, there were still a lot of good movies.
*THere Will Be Blood. I listed this in last year's entry as a film I had wanted to see but didn't. Fortunately, I waited a year to get this on DVD, and I must say that it was worth it, especially for the voices. A lot of movies from the 1920s to 1950s era had voices that had a distinctive quality to them that had become rare in films since, and this quality is especially missed in movies that take place in this period of time. Fortunately, Daniel Day Lewis seems to have done this very well. For this alone I highly recommend this movie, but the plot is also highly interesting as well, with the struggle for oil rights and the portrayal of religion are quite compelling in this day and age.
*Shine a Light. Well, Scorsese showed the Stones still going strong, covering some familiar territory, and many obscure gems I had never known before. By this point, that's all that needs to be said.
*Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. I was never a big fan of big adventure stories and Indiana Jones' stories were not real exceptions to this rule. However, I still liked this movie. Of course, this was probably because of my ambivalence to the trilogy that I liked the trilogy, especially with the South Park episode about it in mind.
*WALL-E. I only watched this movie after I got the DVD, as with There Will Be Blood. However, especially keeping the other Pixar movies I remember, I am somewhat ambivalent, and I can assume that much of this was with the more serious tone than I had known with previous Pixar movies.
*Dark Knight. With this movie, I can finally take out the image of Heath Ledger as Patrick Verona in an ill-concieved teen version of Taming of the Shrew, and finally replace it with an image of him as the Joker. If not for his performance, I would have more or less not have cared for it at all, as with the other Burton-on Batman films.
*Hamlet II. Yes, the long-awaited sequel to William Shakespeare's hit play succeeds beyond our wildest expectations, especially my mother's.
Some I wish I had seen:
*Cassandra's Dream.
*Expelled. (I planned on refuting the arguments in this movie, but I didn't want to support Ben Stein, and my usual channels failed me. Of course, from what I heard, there's not much worth refuting)
*Vicky Christina Barcelona.
*Disaster Movie (if only to find out exactly why a drag queen would have to fight off the cast of Juno.)
*Religulous.
*Frost/Nixon
*Valkyrie.

Band Name of the Day: Bastards From Baskets. I've probably said too much.

Film Idea of the Day: Nothing now.

Quote of the Day: "It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this."
______________Lord Russell.

Link of the Day: A very unusual comic about a girl who used to be a boy, a Harvard student missing 2 years of his life, and the angel responsible for both.

Issue 136

2008-12-12T21:07:00.003-06:00

News: Thoughts on The Republic Sit-in.
As I'm sure you know, the economy has been going into such a huge nosedive that even Free-Market guru Allan Greenspan has been admitting that there was something wrong with his free-market ideology all along. One big thing that's been going on related to this that interests me both as a Chicagoan and a Left-winger was the sit-in at the Republic Window and Door Company. The company, as it turned out, was going to go under as a result of the financial crisis, and they were going to go under a week ago. However, after being abruptly fired without any sort of pay to tide them over until they got a new job, which is illegal on several levels. Instead of taking this treatment lying down, many of these workers actually decided to stage a sit-in until they get paid for their loss. So far, there has not been any progress, but I can only say that I hope that they get their demands, and that the workers actually get something for their hard work in the long run, instead of simply getting the boot, and if their sit-in ends up working and they can actually get compensated, I hope that businesses will end up working to ensure that this sort of thing doesn't happen again.

Band Name of the Day: Death to the Monster. From Jack Chick's "Fairy Tales."

Film Idea of the Day: I'm sure that Rod Blagojevich's recent scandal would make an amazing movie, and I'm sure that as soon as everything's resolved, somebody will make a movie of it whol will be more interested in political thrillers than I am.

Film Review of the Day: Roman Holiday. I have recently watched this movie, and I have to say that it was pretty good, and I think that it would probably work well if combined (in the most bizarre way possible) with Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, and I know that until I bring it into a polished vision, I may be the only person who will be able to see exactly how the two would work.

Quote of the Day: "There never is a real difference between ancient history and current events. There are only variations; The theme is always the same."
__________________Hubert Selby Jr.

Link of the Day: Johnathan (sic) Christian Webster III. That is All.

Yup, I've been swamped in paperwork for three weeks, and This is the best I can come up with.

Issue 135

2008-11-24T21:35:00.002-06:00

News: Ray Comfort has no idea about atheism.
I first discovered Ray Comfort through his claim that the Banana is evidence of God's design, failing to notice that it was more likely "designed" by New Guineans over generations. Later, I stumbled upon a blog he uses to try to convert atheists. Here is a list of 10 things he thinks atheists do, with annotations by me (in italics).

1. Whenever you are presented with credible evidence for God's existence, call it a "straw man argument," or "circular reasoning." This, of course, depends on the proposition that there really is credible evidence for his existence. If something is quoted from somewhere, label it "quote mining." It's only Quote mining if you take a small quote out of context, like claiming that Darwin thought that the evolution of the eye seemed improbable without noting that he went into a three-page spiel about how it could be done.

2. When a Christian says that creation proves that there is a Creator, dismiss such common sense by saying "That's just the old watchmaker argument." The Design argument only implies a powerful creator, not with all of the qualities we assign God. Indeed, why can natural processes count as a Creator?

3. When you hear that you have everything to gain and nothing to lose by obeying the Gospel, say "That's just the old 'Pascal wager.'" Pascal's Wager is quite possibly the most debunkable argument for God's existence. For instance, suppose you get another God than YHVH in the afterlife and he's just as jealous?

4. You can also deal with the "whoever looks on a woman to lust for her, has committed adultery with her already in his heart," by saying that there is no evidence that Jesus existed. The existence of Jesus and questions of the morality of his teachings are two totally different issues.

5. Believe that the Bible is full of mistakes, and actually says things like the world is flat. Do not read it for yourself. That is a big mistake. Many Atheists have read the Bible cover to cover, and some (such as Julia Sweeney) have lost their faith as a direct result of reading it.

6. Say that you were once a genuine Christian, and that you found it to be false. Additionally, if a Christian points out that this is impossible (simply due to the very definition of Christianity as one who knows the Lord), just reply "That's the 'no true Scotsman fallacy.'" According to What dictionary does the definition of Christian mean "somebody who knows the lord?"

7. Believe that nothing is 100% certain, except the theory of Darwinian evolution. Indeed, few things are 100% certain to most educated people (except math). A lot are 99.99999999999% certain, and Evolution is most likely one of them.

8. Deal with the threat of eternal punishment by saying that you don't believe in the existence of Hell. The mere denial of something does not make it false. It is the absurdity of the fact that a just God would give infinite punishment for finite sin. Even the Holocaust was supposed to end.

9. Blame Christianity for the atrocities of the Roman Catholic church. Christianity is a mixed bag, with people whose aims range from world peace to perpetual war claiming inspiration from the Bible. The sheer malleability of the Word seems to be another thing that takes away from the crebility of Christianity.

10. Finally, keep in fellowship with other like-minded atheists who believe as you believe, and encourage each other in your beliefs. This tends to be true. Of course, a lot of atheists have theist friends who are willing to agree to disagree. Indeed, I tend to be willing to do that as long as they don't push Jesus on people like they're dealing Jesus heroin to unsuspecting youth, or if they can admit that they can't prove it, like Kierkegaard.

Band Name of the Day: The J-Men. From an interesting mash-up of many old movies that I've seen recently, J-Men Forever (perhaps a review will come in a later issue).

Film Idea of the Day: Don Giovanni. I've come up with the idea, from Ken Branaugh's doing a similar film, to create a modernized and translated version of Mozart 's Don Giovanni, whose dark comedy tends to fit in better with my style than The Magic Flute's Enlightenment Optimism. Translation is certainly a must, and Perhaps I could turn the recitatives into standard dialogue, among other things, most likely including a modernization of the plot, maybe with Leporello reading the catalogue of his master's conquests not from a scroll, but from a PDA.

Film Review of the Day: S.F.W. I recently discovered this film in a DVD bargain bin, and found that it was certainly quite interesting and not at all deserving of the obscurity it's gotten. It's about how Steven Dorff managed to get kidnapped by terrorists and held in a quick stop, only to shoot his way out, and become a celebrity, only to get shot himself by an honors student screaming "Everything Matters!" who would eventually usurp his stardom. Perhaps the aforementioned climax was what turned off a lot of critics upon its release, but as a satire of the media, it certainly works.

Quote of the Day: "I heard, I heard what you were saying. You, you know nothing of my work. How you ever got to teach a course in anything is totally amazing."
____________________Marshall McLuhan, Annie Hall.

Link of the Day: Some funny and concise articles and stories explaining atheism. Anything with a paper icon next to is highly recommended by me.

Issue 134

2008-11-09T17:44:00.005-06:00

News: I think I finally figured out "Some Velvet Morning."
In 1967, Nancy Sinatra was becoming one of the highest rising pop stars, due to the success of her hit "These Boots are Made for Walking", which would later become the soundtrack for the Waco siege, and the success of a romantic duet with her father (a move few father-daughter singers have bothered to attempt except for Serge and Charlotte Gainsbourg, in a more overt way). Somehow, nobody could have anticipated what would come next: a psych-AC single of her duet with a deep-voiced cowboy named Lee Hazelwood which would soon become one of the most bizarre hits to top the Top 40: "Some Velvet Morning." I first heard of the song from an old tape of J.C. Webster calling Coast to Coast AM, where he was complaining about it encouraging men to have sex with Greek goddesses. The song is famous for its cryptic nature, hinting to the myth of Hippolytus and Phaedra, which eventually led to both being killed, but the fact that both of the singers seem to represent the characters shows that neither have been killed. About Lee's verse: Th first two lines seem to me to mean that Lee is trying his best to move on from Phaedra (Nancy Sinatra's character), and is failing horribly, and through the rest of his side of the verse seems to be announcing his intention to put his failure into context for the girl, which he never does, but seems to leave to Nancy. Nancy's verse, however, does seem to be quite telling. My theory about the meaning of her verses is that they seemed to bond over her gardening, but as it turned out, especially with the line, "look at us, but do not touch", it seemed that Phaedra managed to become to engrossed in her gardening, and this caused him to become so frustrated with her that he left her, and this managed to lead to both feeling enough regret that they managed to dwell upon it, due to the fact that these verses are repeated three times in the song. Of course, I may be very off, but the only person who knows this for sure is dead and has been since last August.

Band Name of the Day: The New Babel. From The New York Trilogy.

Film Idea of the Day: An greengrocer for a small town becomes old and the people in the town he serves get annoyed at the fact that his getting old is leading to him getting slower. When they act on their frustrations, the old greengrocer takes matter in his own hands.

Film Review of the Day: Reds. This has to be one of the best biopics I've ever seen, especially coming from a man who stars, wrote in, and directed the movie. Especially with the subject matter, about a socialist journalist who saw the rise of the USSR, and saw early on how much it had lost its way.

Quote of the Day: "Baudelaire: Il ne semble que je serais toujours bien la ou je ne suis pas. In other words: It seems that I will always be happy in the place where I am not. Or, more bluntly: Wherever I am not is the place where I am myself. Or else, taking the bull by the horns: Anywhere out of the world."
_______________Paul Auster.

Link of the Day: There's more than enough in the news section.

New Tract: "Somebody Angry?": Jack looks for a link between natural phoenomena and America's attitude towards Israel.

Issue 133

2008-10-19T20:22:00.005-05:00

News: Actually, you can pray in schools.
I recently saw a video on Youtube where William Murray, son of Madalyn Murray O'Hair, debated with a member of American Atheists, about school prayer. Of course, after the opposing side stated that school might not be the right time and place for prayer, Murray decided to use this remark and use his use of "situational ethics" to compare his opponent to Hitler. I also found a website which shows a lot of statistics which purport to show how much America is going to Hell in a handbasket for abandoning school prayer (even though coorelation is not necessarily causation, as I'm sure that statistics of more stridently secular countries would show). Fundamentalist bull-headedness aside, I must note that, believe it or not, PRAYER IS LEGAL IN SCHOOLS! It's just not legal for the faculty to lead the prayers (because they are here to teach children what is and not just what many people in America believe to be true), and is highly frowned upon for the students who pray to be too disruptive to what everybody's actually here for (i.e. babbling like an imbecile and handling snakes, or on the less stereotypical level, praying by singing hymns loudly for long periods of time like Nusrat.) Anyway, I fail to find any legitimate grievance in the Fundamentalists' argument. As Dennis Miller said in one of his rants, if a parent feels that prayer is an important character-builder, then they should pray with their kids themselves and stop fobbing off their responsibilities as a parent on the public school system. And even looking at it from a religious perspective, you need look no further than the Sermon on the Mount, where Jesus advises against praying in public at all (Mt. 6:5-6). So, from any perspective, the arguments for school prayer have no real validity whatsoever.

Band Name of the Day: None.

Film Idea of the Day: A man attacks a woman while singing a Rossini aria and her husband and young son are forced to watch, and afterwards, the son grows into an opera singer and takes a master class with another singer. When she coerces him into singing that same aria, he proceeds to act out the same actions that happened to his mother on his teacher. Violence begets Violence. I'm currently writing this as a monodrama.

Review of the Day: Scarface. I had seen the 1932 version before, but yesterday was the first time I saw the 1983 version. I must say that it is now coming close to becoming one of my favorite movies, and there is no doubt that at least some of it is due to the similarities between this and my favorite movie, A Clockwork Orange, and one need only listen to the similarities between the synthesized Purcell music that opens ACO and "Tony's Theme" from this movie to prove my point. Perhaps after a few more viewings, it may make my top spot go from a tie between ACO and Taxi Driver, to a three-way between them.

Quote of the Day: "All I have in this world is my balls and my word, and I don't break 'em for no one."
__________Tony Montana

Link of the Day: The semi-official site of a TV show I've been a big fan of for more or less my entire life.

Note: Please don't be surprised if I go for a long period of time without updating my blog. Well, at least I seem to be updating more frequently than Strong Bad seems to have been.

Issue 132

2008-10-05T21:40:00.005-05:00

News: Regarding OJ: The People Can Now Have it both ways!
As I'm sure we all remember, Footballer OJ Simpson was arrested 14 years ago on suspicion of murdering his wife and a house guest. Of course, after a year's worth of creating media circuses, and further dividing the races in America, with some claiming he was framed by a racist conspiracy (something I'm sure has happened in the recent past to many, but not to O.J.), and some just deciding he was guilty. But an eighth of a century later, he stole some memorabilia from a Vegas sports museum, but recently, he was finally found guilty. He may not have admitted to having done most of the things he was charged for, but the stealing of memorabilia that he has admitted to would probably give him enough prison time to get him in jail for a long enough time that it is reasonable that he will spend the rest of his life in jail, and the other crimes he's been found guilty for make this scenario more or less certain. And now, it looks like people who think he didn't kill those people can think he didn't, and those who think he did can finally see him end up in jail for the rest of his natural life.

Band Name of the Day: Crazy pSychos of America. Why not?

Film Idea of the Day: A set of novellas, all unified by the fact that a main character is a princess in situations that couldn't be farther than
*A novella which is best described as Roman Holiday meets Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, with a princess visiting Chicago runs off with a journalist, and they both fall in love, tour Chicago, and do massive amounts of drugs.
*A film director is doing a film based on the story of a girl who discovers she is really the next in line to a monarchy, and slowly goes mad while making it, turning it into something more bizarre than anybody could have imagined.

Film Review of the Day: Preacher. I recently discovered this comic book series, and it is actually quite interesting. A preacher is possessed by the progeny of an angel and a demon, and then is driven, along with his reconciled ex-girlfriend and an Irish vampire, to literally find God, and try to demand an explanation for what has happened. This series has many similar themes to the His Dark Materials trilogy, and probably would have ended up with a more popular adaptation than Golden Compass seems to have been so far.

Quote of the Day: "Every Virtue has its contemptible literature"
_______________Celine.

Link of the Day: A website about Skepticism.

Issue 131

2008-09-21T21:18:00.003-05:00

News: Atheism is, in fact, rational.
Random websurfing led me to find an article somewhere, I forget where, exactly, but it was an Apologetics page which claimed the following: "Since nobody knows everything, even if one assumes that one has 1% of all knowledge in their brain, it is possible that God could be in that 99%, therefore atheism requires as much faith as theism." (This is a paraphrase by me.) However, there are two major flaws to the argument. The first is that, if one looks up the word "God" in the dictionary (any dictionary), one often finds definitions which specify that God must be omnipresent (in all things). So, therefore, if a person finds only one place where God does not exist, then he does not exist anywhere. Of course, the problem is trying to find out how to know God when one sees him, and Carl Sagan's parable of the dragon highlights the problem particularly well. However, even if we deny God his omnipresence to save our apologist's argument, his conclusion is flawed. For instance, to any parents who read this blog (besides my own), you have probably told your kids that Santa Claus has given them presents, while you are the ones who give them to the kids. Of course, you most likely don't know all the other parents in the world, so does it make sense to believe that it takes as much faith to not believe that a real Santa brings presents to many children besides their own as it does to believe that there isn't a real Santa? Of course not. At least, that's the way I see it.

Band Name of the Day: The Retardlings. From an episode of Li'l Bush, as one of the minorities that the leads lead to the Mexican border.

Film Idea of the Day: Nothing this week.

Film Review of the Day: From Dusk Till Dawn. I recently saw this movie, and I must say that it is very much a Quentin Tarantino movie in all but an actual "directed by" credit (although the fact that half of the movie is set in Mexico does give away the fact that it is, in fact, directed by Robert Rodriguez.) Either way, it is certainly better than many of the movies that Quentin actually directed.

Quote of The Day: "To answer your question, yes, I do believe in God, yes, I do believe in Jesus. But do I love them? No."
____________Jacob Fuller/Harvey Keitel, From Dusk Till Dawn.

Link of the Day: Here is a forum I'm currently trying to populate with people who'd want to get into.

Issue 130

2008-09-12T13:35:00.002-05:00

News/Review A: Amadeus: The Play.
Last Wednesday, I went to see the play version of Amadeus, which was a film I had been frequently watching over the last few months. I must say that this play version was much better of a version of the story than the film was. Of course, the movie was certainly one of the best films of 1984, if not the 1980s. I must note that one of the major things is that this version effectively makes Salieri an unreliable narrator, thus excusing the poor history (justifiable as it is for the purpose of the plot). The reason the unreliable narrator excuses the poor history is because, unlike in the film version, Salieri admits that his claim to have killed Mozart was a ruse to make people remember him forever, since by this point, Salieri's music will forever become subordinate in virtually every way to Mozart's music. Interestingly enough, the people who hear about his claims seem to entirely reject it, at the end, thus making his last plan towards his proverbial immortality another failure for the time being, at least until poets from Pushkin to Schaffer find the entire plan makes great literature. On another note, I'm not sure whether it is this production of the play, the movie, or the article about Ken Branagh's practically unreleased film version of the opera, but my curiosity towards getting into Mozart's Magic Flute is now peaking. Perhaps this will help me get into the man's music in addition to the man himself (despite the fact that about 70% of my classical music intake is from German composers, Mozart has yet to become one of those I listen to, although Glenn Gould may have something to do with this). In conclusion, I must say that the original play version of Amadeus was much better than the film version. Maybe the Powers That Be at Great Performances should do a TV special of the play version as a complement to the film version, but until that happens, let's just be content with the film, and the occasional performances of the play.

Film Idea of the Day: Desolation Revisited. A man ends up in an affair with a physically scarred preacher's wife and slowly gets insight into the desolate lives of the people in her area that could have ended up making enough material for several Eugene O'Neill plays.

Film Review of the Day B: American Beauty. A decade ago, many critics were saying that this film could very well become one of the greatest films of all time. After it won the Best Picture Oscar, however, this praise ended up abating... Until Now. I must say that the movie has actually managed to live up to the ten-year old hype I either forgot about or never heard until after I actually saw the movie for the first time last week. Definitely one of the best films of the 1990s.
And this isn't just because it is revealed at one point that it takes place in my general area (due to the shared area code).

Quote of the Day: "I speak for all mediocrities in the world. I am their champion. I am their patron saint."
__________Antonio Salieri, Amadeus.

Link of the Day: Witch's Brew: A Dadaist webcomic about whatever the artists feel like.

Tract Review: First Bite. A strangely Alfalfa-like vampire named Igor is born of a woman named Vampyra. Every lame Vampiritic cliche aside, this ends in a way that few vampire stories, but virtually every Chick tract, winds up ending; Igor gets saved. One wonders if he still would retain his bloodlust.

Issue 129

2008-08-25T21:01:00.003-05:00

News: Aquinas' Quinquae Viae.
When my second Latin teacher learned about my attitudes towards religion, his suggestion was that I check out Thomas Aquinas' proofs of God from his Summa Theologica. Eventually, I looked in the Aquinas in the Great Books of the Western World set downstairs. In case you want to look, it is in the First Part, Section: Treatise on the One God, Question 2: The Existence of God, Article Three- whether God exists. One would think that there would be strength in numbers, but as I will show you, there isn't much in this case. For instance, the first three arguments are essentially the same argument at their core, with only differing initial premises. starting from the statement that there had to be a source for all movements and causes , and that since an infinite regress is impossible (at least to Aquinas), there must have been something to have set it off, and that this is supposed to be God. Of course, the biggest problem with that argument is that with the causes given, there is no reason to believe that said source has to have any of the properties that we as humans identify with God. Interestingly enough, the initial premise is also arguable. The motion of gas molecules is often not spurred at all by anything internal or external, and there are many other examples of unmoved motion that effectively undermine the validity of these arguments. With the first three arguments down, the fourth argument states that since there are degrees in things, there must be a being that has the highest degrees of certain properties, and that this must be God. However, the premises Aquinas gives are flawed, particularly in his statement that if an property can be conceived of as being in a greater degree, it must exist, which is often not the case. The last argument is the Argument from design. It is one of the few arguments still in modern use by most Christians, although the people at my Catholic grade school were fond of this argument. According to the argument, if something seems too orderly to have occurred by random chance, and had to be designed. However, even if one were to reject evolutionary theory, there are many cases of poor design which would most likely cast doubt upon the idea of their being created by a loving and all-powerful creator. For instance, the fact that most animals and plants can synthesize Vitamin C for themselves, but human beings, and a few other animals cannot, or a more familiar problem, the appendix, which serves no purpose in humans and is likely to end up almost killing them when it ruptures.

Band name of the Day: The devil's Mouthpiece, from J.C. Webster's nickname for radio personality Art Bell.

Play Idea of the Day: A musical about a youth with extreme involvement in crime (from thievery to sexual assault to video hacking) is given a choice between going to jail and putting on a show. Guess which one he chooses. It will be done in a big way, and quite possibly end up, for a while anyway, being in a venue created exclusively for it. Don't worry, I'm sure that it will be much better than it may seem at the moment.

Film Review of the Day: Hamlet 2. This film was the thing which helped inspire the play idea above. Of course, putting that aside, this movie was actually pretty good. It was probably one of the funniest all year, except possibly Expelled. Steve Coogan plays a Tiny Tim-lookalike rollerblading drama teacher who, shocked at his job being cut from the roster at his school after not being able to get any other work, manages to end up creating a sequel to Hamlet. After many obstacles, including the objections of the star's parents, a cease and desist order from the school, and his wife leaving him, he finally puts on the play, and it becomes a resounding success. I thought it was hilarious, and even my mother, whose overlap in sense of humour is often quite small, was laughing throughout much of the movie.

Quote of the Day: "My father molested me as a child; Maybe that’s why I’m so mean."
_____________The Principal from Hamlet 2.

Link of the Day: The Cynic's Sanctuary.

Issue 128

2008-08-18T15:28:00.003-05:00

News: Here's some Philly cultists.
Recently, one of the forums I frequented has become more or less dead, mainly when most of the members moved to another forum when one of the moderators lost his mind and started trolling the forum. So, I am becoming as productive a member there as I was on Newspeak Dictionary before Carl (the mod) took complete leave of his senses. One of the stories I recently commented upon there was a story about the recent discovery of a cult in Philadelphia called "1 Mind Ministries". The world seemed to discover this cult by the murder of one of its members: a 19-month old toddler named Javon Thompson. Specifically, it was about his murder by the cult itself, for failing to say "Amen" after meals. A toddler was starved for being unable to say "Amen" and put in a suitcase after he died, and he possibly wasn't even able to correctly say "Amen" anyway. And people ask atheists why they they are against organized religion.

Band Name of the Day: Savior God Scientific Allah. This was actually a name used by some parents for a baby. I kid you not.

Film Idea of the Day: Nothing today.

Film Review of the Day: Ripping Yarns. I must say that not enough has been said about this spinoff of Monty Python, especially in comparison to the other spinoff from the same era, Fawlty Towers. However, it is just as funny as Monty Python series was in many cases. Of course, only Michael Palin and Terry Jones were involved, and some of these episodes may be funny to those people familiar with the prewar genre being spoofed. However, many of the episodes are funny on their own merits as well, especially "The testing of Eric Olthwaite," the story of an autistic (or in their words, "boring") young man tries to better himself, and ends up doing so by developing a life of crime for himself.

Quote of the Day: "... did you just gety (sic) gang raped by a bunch of monks or something?"
__________Sorianofan, the quote which apparently led Carl into madness.

Link of the Day: RationalWiki: A subjective wiki dedicated to opposing Conservapedia.

Issue 127

2008-08-06T15:35:00.007-05:00

News: Didactic Cloudcuckoolanderism, or CAPAlert II: Electric Boogaloo.
In December, I mentioned and criticized CAPalert in one entry. Recently, I decided to email them about one of their articles, which stated that basically, because movies often tend to not reflect daily life of many people in the most extreme cases, (taking several examples from Natural Born Killers), but, as one may have guessed, Fundies tend to not cotton to differing opinions. When I made my point that just because things don't happen often in one's daily life, this doesn't mean that it's not representative of the real world, the person answering my email frequently brought up Spiderman. Of course, just because one never got bitten by a radioactive spider and gained superpowers, never means that one never went through many of the same things that Peter Parker went through. Of course, after reading their reply to a section where I paraphrased Robert McKee's speech in Adaptation in response to Charlie Kaufman's claim that "nothing happens in real life", I suddenly realized something; Somewhere, a point was missed entirely, perhaps it was when they said movies are not representative of the real world, or perhaps when I said that art does often reflect real life, or maybe when it became clear that their focus was not on what was, but on what should be, which are two entirely different concepts to me, but apparently not to CAPalert. Sure, kids shouldn't see American Psycho until they're old enough to see that Patrick Bateman is not in any way a role model, but maybe the films themselves should not be criticized solely on moral grounds, but maybe what should be criticized are parents who allow young children to watch these movies, and any non-children who assume that characters in films should be good role models to children, whether or not children are intended to see said movie. I'm not replying to them via email, because, as I said, Fundies don't cotton to differing opinions, and accordingly, they appear to have blocked my email address. The Moral of the Story: Never debate with fundamentalists, because it's not worth it. Oh, well. If you want to keep taking the blue pill and join John Gardner, feel free to do so while I take my red.

Band Name of the Day: Chicken Corn Whores. Apparently from a sight my family witnessed at a farm in Door County earlier in the summer.

Film Idea of the Day: A study of the antecedents and the aftermath of the public suicide of a Nazi War criminal.

Film Review of the Day: Brideshead Revisited. I recently saw the movie, and while I had not read the book, I did enjoy the movie, although I'm sure much of the reason I enjoyed it was because of the fact that I had not read the book, since the movie was apparently gleamed of much of the subplots in order to fit into a 100-minute film. Of course, even with the questionable ending, I would give the film thumbs up.

Quote of the Day: " Every poem, it is said, should inculcate a moral; and by this moral is the poetical merit of the work to be adjudged. We Americans especially have patronized this happy idea; and we Bostonians, very especially, have developed it in full. We have taken it into our heads that to write a poem simply for the poem's sake, and to acknowledge such to have been our design, would be to confess ourselves radically wanting in the true Poetic dignity and force:--but the simple fact is, that, would we permit ourselves to look into our own souls, we should immediately there discover that under the sun there exists nor can exist any work more thoroughly dignified--more supremely noble than this very poem--this poem per se--this poem which is a poem and nothing more--this poem written solely for the poem's sake."
_______________Edgar Allen Poe.

Link of the Day: Garfield Without Garfield: A webcomic.

Issue 126

2008-07-29T14:23:00.002-05:00

News: I have returned from the dead: my experience as a Shakespearean actor.
As you may have noticed, I have not been updating the blog at my usual thrice-monthly schedule. This is because of various factors, the largest of which being that I was on vacation in a place where I had minimal wi-fi, barely getting enough time each week to get caught up with my Adult Swim Video, email my assignments to my English teacher, and compile contemporary reviews of American Psycho for another assignment, and as a result of the 2-week vacation, I was caught up with several things, including doing two-plus weeks' worth of laundry in as little time as possible, and studying for my final for my American Lit course (a substantial portion of which I had to miss for vacation). By now, all these things are more or less finished. But what I want to tell you about now is an interesting experience I had on vacation. First, a bit of exposition: I was vacationing in Door County, and when my family and I visit there, we try to see as many theater shows as possible in the two week period. However, this marks the first time I was drafted into acting in one of them. This time, I was at Door Shakespeare, and the show was Midsummer Night's Dream. I believe that this play, of all of Shakespeare's, may have been the one which I had seen most times in its more or less complete form (versions of Hamlet and Romeo and Juliet abbreviated almost to the point where it's more or less one scene notwithstanding). Indeed, this was the second time I had seen it in this location, but I didn't imagine what would happen. In the last act of the play, after Bottom had returned to human form and completely disregarded his affair with Titania as a dream, I was pulled from the audience and added as an impromptu member of the troupe within the troupe, as much as my attire of Woody Allen glasses, fisherman's cap, lumberjack shirt over Obama T-shirt, and Jeans would have been out of place with the cast who had apparently been trying to look historically accurate. All I had to do was follow the directions when I was told to, and I even was given one line: "Yes." Of course, this scene took some liberties with its original sources (notably, the Pyramus and Thisbee play-within-a-play ran much shorter than I had expected), and much of the action I did wasn't even in the original script version of the play. However, at least the director of the theatre troupe, after the end of the play, thanked me for helping with the performance. I told him that I only regretted that I wasn't drafted into the catfight scene in Act IV.

Band Name of the day: The Running of the Strange People. We were watching parts of the Wimbledon tournament in the bar, and at one point there were people running in slow-motion dragging the tarp, and not knowing what to make of it, my mother called it "The Running of the Strange People." For once I actually have a band name.

Film Idea of the Day: Nothing this week.

Film Review of the Day: The Dark Knight. The movie was quite possibly the best movie of Batman I've ever seen since the 1966 West/Ward film version. Of course, this certainly blows its predecessor Batman Begins out of the water, noticeably by using characters that the audience is likely to be familiar with (like the Joker and Two-Face) as opposed to characters who'll need to be researched on Wikipedia (like Ra's al Ghul or Scarecrow). Indeed, Heath Ledger's ACO-inspired Joker effectively blows every other past portrayal of the character out of the Water, including Cesar Romero, and the decision to cast Christian Bale as Batman (His version of Batman will hereafter referred to as Bat(e)man to me) felt unusual to me for reasons which can be inferred to by anybody who's read the article carefully enough, but he was more capable than Val Kilmer. The only real flaw with this movie is that it has apparently upset the balance of IMDb for reasons which become abundantly clear when you see the Top 250.

Quote of the Day: "That which does not kill me makes me stranger"
____________Joker, (Heath Ledger)

Link of the day: Just pick the genre, the decades, and your current mood, and get an interesting webplaylist.